Lessons Learned
by Xonze
Summary: Rick comes back from the summer to find everything worse than he ever imagined. He's been working hard to fix things, but it hasn't been easy. He's hit a wall with Kate and decides to take a leap.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **So, this is the story I had mentioned before, and it's about two years old, but not read much. It's from the beginning of season three, and was started in the summer so things don't really match up. Yes, we're on season 4, but if you'll entertain a little time traveling to season 3, I think you'll enjoy this story. There is a bit of a mature scene at the very end of this, so if you're not into that you have two choices: 1. Don't read the story, or 2. Don't read the last chapter (personally, I'd just not read the last chapter, because the story is fun). :P

It's a long story at around 62,000 words, but that's chump-change around here, so I don't think anyone will mind. Also, it's written in First Person, my first foray into this type of POV.

Anyway, enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

I sat in the passenger seat of Kate's car and she ignored me. Her eyes kept watch over the road and were narrowed to little more than slits and never once looked in my direction. She had let me back in, but we were still on rocky ground from time to time.

I didn't even do anything this time, but I could tell it was going to be one those days and it wasn't even nine-thirty. I usually made it until eleven before she wanted to throw me out. Not today and maybe it was the chill in the fall air or just that time of the month, but she was more annoyed with me than usual and I started to wonder if maybe I'd be better off riding with Ryan and Esposito.

"Beckett?" I said slowly, not sure if talking would be good for my health, but sitting in silence had begun to drive me crazy. I wanted her to talk to me again so that this coldness that sat wedged between us would melt, but nothing I did helped. I was just about out of ideas. Trying to figure out what Kate Beckett wanted was like trying to figure out why a dog greets you sometimes with a nose in the crotch.

She turned to me, that glare that I've come to know quite well playing on her face. She looked cute and I would have said so, but last time I mentioned something like that it didn't end well. It still surprised me how oblivious she seemed to be to her own beauty, and if anyone, (or maybe just me) suggested that she was gorgeous they better have an escape plan… luckily I always had an escape plan. Except, I was in a car so maybe I don't.

"What?" Her voice was stern, the bossy Beckett voice that she liked to use most of the time. Call me crazy, but it started to grow on me. I smiled over at her and hoped it would defuse things. It didn't.

"I'd say I was sorry if I thought it would help," I said, and I'm not exactly sure why. I had nothing to be sorry for—yes I left for the summer but I left last summer too. We were back to working with each other and while there seemed to be some kind of weirdness between us I thought we gelled together pretty well… except for the glares and the trigger temper Beckett seemed to have picked up over the summer.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, I'm just kind of sorry." I said, still trying to figure out what exactly I meant. The words had come out before I actually thought about them, one of my many talents, I guess. Can't edit the words that you say, only the ones that you write.

"Sorry for what?" Her eyes jumped from between the road and me. It was crazy how much I loved those eyes on me, even for a moment, even when they were locked in a death glare. I loved them even more when she looked to me for help. She hadn't done that too much lately, even before I left. She kept those gazes reserved for Demming most of the time.

Demming.

For some reason that guy really caused a problem for everyone. I never would have guessed, and yet looking back on it I should have seen that giving him a pass was going to ruin things. Beckett wasn't mine though and I had no right to deny him… which didn't mean if I had it to do all over again I wouldn't have.

I sighed and looked out the window. The streets of New York traveled by in bursts of blurs as driving in the city wasn't so much driving as it was stopping and waiting. Normally we would talk and I'd crack some joke and she'd laugh and tear me down a peg or two. It had become routine but when I left and didn't come back right away I seemed to have broken that.

I could feel her eyes on me, waiting for an answer and I didn't have one.

It was almost painful to be this close to her and not be able to touch her without having my fingers broken. It took Demming for me to see how much she meant to me. I missed her over the summer, missed her so much that at times I was writing Kate instead of Nikki just because I wanted to see her name. I'm sad, I know and I'm okay with that, possibly a little crazy too, but then again I'm a writer and we're all a little crazy. The only thing that changes with a writer is what they're crazy about and if someone asked me? Well, my answer would be a certain NYPD Detective… and after admitting that I'd be found in a sewer grate somewhere with two well placed shots in center mass. They would never catch the killer, of course.

"Castle." I turned out of habit. It's funny how she says my name when she's mad, almost as if she's calling me an asshole, and maybe she was. If I had to take a guess I'd say she hated me a little bit.

"Beckett?"

"What are you sorry about?"

"Everything." I said and shrugged. I couldn't quite read her expression as she traded time between watching the road and me. "And nothing. I don't know honestly. I just want to know what I did."

Goddam. I should have got some tape or something because I was just digging myself deeper and if I kept going I'd have to brush up on my Chinese.

She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, and I almost could see her mind working as she thought over what I said. A minute went by and her bottom lip found its normal place under her teeth. God, I loved it when she did that. She brought the car to a stop at a light and turned to me, the lip was still in place and her eyes searched me.

"Why did you leave then?" She asked and I found myself in the spotlight. It wasn't a surprising question but it was one I didn't have an answer prepared for.

"Because… there wasn't anything here for me," I said and regretted it the moment the words left my mouth. Beckett's face contorted for only a moment into the saddest, most painful look I'd ever seen on a woman and I found myself trying to back track before I realized there was no where to go. "Demming took over where I was. There was nothing more for me to do and I had a book to get done."

"Demming wasn't working with me, you were."

"Beckett, you were freezing me out on cases, sidelining me." She didn't want me around anymore. She was fine on her own, always had been and now she had someone to fill the hole she had in the love department. What was I suppose to do?

"Only because you two were going at it like moose in heat." The image made me smile and I saw the slightest hint of one on her lips as the light changed and she went through the intersection, only to be stopped at the next light.

"I know and that was part of why I left." I said and tried my best to block out the memories as they came flooding back. It's amazing how the mind works. It can wall off the pain so well that you completely forgot about it except for a faint pang when you started to get close, like a radar blip telling you to go no further.

If you did, if you ignored those warnings, then you were slammed with every little thought and detail from those memories… and right then that was exactly what was rushing though my head. The sitting on the desk, lips against ears. The kissing in the halls, the knowing looks and the sharing of cabs. Her shoving me to the side, taking Demming and leaving me behind, having to work with Ryan and Esposito. Don't get me wrong, they were great, awesome even, but I was there to shadow her. It hurt, I'm not going to lie, but I was an outsider here.

Demming fit in even better than I did, he was a detective. He belonged. I was just someone she was saddled with, and while she had let me in sometimes, for the most part, I now realize, I wasn't part of her world. I was just someone looking in, writing down what I saw. All that time I thought I was starting to fit in with them, but I wasn't even close.

The thought that I meant so little struck me a little hard, especially as she didn't say another word for a good long while, leaving me to my thoughts. They weren't friendly thoughts but they were thoughts that I had all my life, mostly showing up when I was kid. The thoughts of never really fitting in, being abandoned. Sounds all dark and dramatic, don't it? That's not what I'm getting at, well, not really. I just mean that being rejected hurts and finding out you weren't as close as you thought hurts even more.

I wanted to fit in with them. I loved each of them and loved Beckett a little bit more, but I cared deeply about them all. I just wanted to be a part of the team and I thought I was. I really thought they enjoyed me being around, that I brought something to the table for them. It turns out I didn't. Nothing had changed in the time I had been there. At least not as much as I had thought. I was just a writer that didn't know when to say when.

Writing was a way to deal with my trouble and my pains, but how do you do that when what you're writing is the thing causing you pain? I could write Nikki no problem before, when Kate and I were close. Sure, she shunned me like a mennonite farmer, but she at least would play, have a little fun with me once in a while. She at least acknowledged me. I thought we had become pretty good friends, and yet when Demming showed up it all fell apart around me, and I don't even think she noticed how out there I had become.

So, I left. Just got my ass out of there as soon as I had a good enough excuse. Partly because I couldn't stand it anymore; how could anyone stand watching the person they care about most be with someone else? I don't know, maybe some can, but I'm not strong enough to sit there day after day, spending all this time with her and then having to listen about Demming having done this or that, or wasn't it funny when Demming came in and… so on and so forth. I can't sit through that, not that I thought Kate was going to throw it in my face or go into detail, but it would come up and I didn't want to hear it.

So what was a guy like me to do? I didn't push, I didn't try to get in the way, I just stepped out of the light and watched for a bit until I found someone to spend my time with. Sure, maybe Gina was a bad idea… a very bad idea with how things had broken off before, and how things had broken off a few weeks ago, but at the time it seemed like such a great idea. She was a known entity; I knew what I was getting for the most part and she seemed like what I needed for the summer. She worked for everyone. I wouldn't be alone all summer, I'd be out of Beckett's hair and she and Demming could boink each other all they wanted and I wouldn't have to see the aftermath. Or any of it.

The problem was, and I had only found out after coming back, that she'd broken up with Demming the day I had decided to leave. Great timing, I know. I never would have guessed because she gave nothing away at first, until we were in interrogation.

No one really wanted to talk to me then, not even Esposito or Ryan.

Things were bad with them since that whole thing with the body in the bed and me not getting in touch with any of them as soon as I got back. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, but I had a book coming out, I was busy as all hell and… well that was all an excuse. Really I just wanted to stay away. I wanted to try to move on with my life without having to think about Kate every ten minutes, (I was able to go about fifteen at one point, I was impressed with myself).

It took a bit of doing, a couple times of letting them beat me at Halo: Reach and Madden, but Ryan and Esposito had let me back in, at least I think so. Sometimes I think I hurt Ryan more than Esposito by not getting back in touch and he was at least being civil to me. But compared to Kate, we were best friends forever again.

I still tried to fix things with Kate every chance I got. Of course it didn't matter then. She was dating someone else, or she had been the last couple of weeks. I was still not really sure of her status and I dared not ask. She's always played it close to the chest, (and we'll move away from that before I think to much about it) so it's hard to read exactly what was going on in that head of hers. But since I left and came back she's even more closed off. I had lost my footing on the mountain and now I had to start back up, but at least I had a bit of map this time out.

We finally pulled up to the crime scene we had been making our way to for what felt like hours in the silence of the car. The entire place swarmed with people and it made sense considering it was Central Park, mid-day and some kid found a body in a tree. New Yorkers loved a scene, whether it was a club, or a crime scene, it didn't matter. All that mattered is that they could say they were there.

Kate got out first, no word to me, no pause to ready herself. She just turned the car off and stepped out, walked away. I sat there for a moment, watching as her coat flapped around behind her, caught by the wind. There was almost something majestic about her and the scene.

She continued on and I finally got out when she was almost out of sight. She had her hands in her pockets now, and pressed the jacket tightly against her sides. When I got out of the car I realized why she was doing it. It was cold. I'm not talking a nippy fall day; it felt like someone had moved New York into the Arctic without telling anyone. Well, maybe not that cold, but christ, it kind of felt like it.

I pulled my long coat tightly around me, popping the collars against the wind and rushed to catch up to her. It wasn't too hard to keep her in sight as she didn't seem to be trying to ditch me, though I got the feeling she wished she could. She paused at a uniform who was holding a logbook and bent down and signed it before handing back the pen with a smile.

I stopped at the same uniform. McCree was his name. He usually got stuck with the logbook for some reason. He gave me a small nod and a half smile when I looked down at the book. Kate had signed:

_Detective Kate Beckett — Richard C_ass_tle — 8:33 A.M._

I shook my head and said goodbye to McCree before rushing off. She usually signed me in with her, but never like that. It was almost kind of funny.

I over took her at a park bench about twenty feet away form the shivering police tape that wrapped around a number of trees, breaking a square of ground away from the park. Uniforms were already on the scene, talking to a few people, their dollar store notepads in hand with pencils scribbling away.

"Just like old times," I said to Kate, trying to break the silence and what I got was a small turn of her head toward me, her eyes narrowed, sending death my way.

Okay, so she was still mad.

I followed her to the tape and ducked under with her to meet with Ryan and Esposito who's faces were already a blistering red from the wind that was pushing through the crowd. I could feel my own ears and nose beginning to ache.

"Morning Beckett, Castle," Esposito said and I nodded toward him and he returned it. "Forty-two year old male. Kid found him in the tree early this morning while with his mom. They were out walking their dog and they found Mr. High-and-dry with no one really around. The mom called 9-1-1 on her cell." He glanced over to me with a small wink and I smiled. He was trying to tell me the mom was pretty hot. I quickly scanned the area, but the only hot woman around was Kate… again not something I was going to mention.

"Any I.D.?" Kate asked and moved closer to the tree, peering up into the brown and orange leaves, which swung weakly on their branches. I saw the body just fine from where I was. He was wedged into the Y of the trunk, his butt toward us, and the rest of him hanging out the other side. He was dressed at least. No full moon.

"None, checked his pockets and found only a few candy wrappers and a fifty cent coin." Laine said and appeared out from behind the tree. I had been wondering where she was hiding because if this was Perlmutter's scene he'd have already yelled at us at least once in that get-off-my-lawn tone he liked to use.

I smiled at her and gave a small wave, which made her regard me with a look that I couldn't quite place. It finally softened slightly and I took the chance to ask the question that I was sure everyone was asking themselves.

"Why is he in a tree?"

"Building a treehouse?" Ryan asked with a small smile and everyone turned to him, including me, no one laughing. "Right then, tough crowd." He said and slunk back a little bit. I did my best not to start laughing which I failed for the most part and it earned me a glare from Kate.

"Forgetting the peanut gallery… you get anything else, Lanie?" Kate took one last glance at me and I held my hands out, asking what the look was for. She had already turned back to Lanie and missed it. Not that it would have mattered, she wouldn't have explained anyway.

"I have… basically nothing at the moment. Once we get him out of the tree I'll have more. I'm not a huge fan of ladders when it's this windy." Lanie paused and took a glance at me. That hard stare was back and I met it for a moment before she turned back to Kate and I was left staring at the side of her face. "Beckett, I need to talk to you for a moment, okay?"

"Uh, okay…" Kate said and moved toward Lanie. I went to move forward too but stopped after taking half a step. Lanie was looking at me over Kate's shoulder, her stare telling me all I needed to know: This was a private chat and if I tried to butt in I was a dead man… so I went over to Esposito and Ryan and talked about Halo, all the while keeping my eyes on the two women as they talked.

Kate looked upset, talked with broad motions of her hands. Once or twice I was sure she had used my name and not in a flattering manner. I didn't really mind, at least she was talking about me. I just hoped they weren't planning how to get rid of my body. I'm sure police officers have all kinds of good hiding places for the bodies, and if I had to guess I'd say Kate had more than the rest and probably some of them were full. Creepy thought, but then, when a woman like Kate was mad at you anything could happen.

The two finally broke apart, Lanie looking reproachful and Kate looking annoyed and tired. She walked away with her head down for a moment before she held it up and found me watching her. "What?"

"What-what?" I said, looking at the two detectives beside me and then back to her as she closed the distance between us.

"You okay?" She came up beside me. I could smell her perfume and I found my heart beating just a bit faster, my stomach danced to the left and then to the right. I didn't get a chance to answer before she was past me and to the tree again, walking around it in a slow circle. She was back to work.

"Do we know what killed him?" She called and I looked over to Lanie who pursed her lips for a second before pointing at the tree. She still didn't look happy.

What could they have been talking about that would tick Lanie off as much as Kate? I doubted I'd ever really know, and that bugged me. Neither woman would be very forthcoming, mostly because they were best friends and when one was mad at me, the other was annoyed.

I just wished I knew what I could do to make it up to Kate, explain that I never really meant to hurt her. Then again, I'm not sure if I did hurt her. It didn't make sense for her to be hurt if I left, especially after all the times she had tried to get rid of me. She didn't even notice me for like three weeks, or when she did, she forgot all about me when Demming walked in or even just glanced in her general direction. It felt a bit like high school.

"Again, have to wait until we get him out of the tree, but my guess is the two holes in his back had something to do with it."

Kate nodded, not looking over. "Okay," she said and motioned to Ryan and Esposito, doing her best to not make eye contact with me. She was ignoring me again, or at the very least trying hard to make me feel out of place. Score one for her because it worked.

She took a hand and brushed back a few strands of hair that had blown into her face before she spoke. "You two, once they get him down, take his picture and see if anyone has seen him hanging around here. I'm gonna go talk to the mother and kid, they might remember something else."

"No problem." Esposito said and the two left me standing by myself with only Kate in front of me for company. She turned to watch them go before she headed off to a group of uniformed officers.

I stood there for a moment, trying to decide if I should go with her or head off with the guys. The guys were at least not ignoring me, but at the same time I had to fix things with Kate. I had to keep pushing. At some point I'd get through, as long as she didn't kill me first.

I fell in step behind her and kept my eyes up to the back of her head, which was surprisingly hard. I don't leer or stare often, but it's a constant battle with Kate. Luckily I'd been winning most of the time and when I wasn't she didn't notice. I was sure she knew I was staring at her now, but she made no mention of it.

A group of uniformed officers at the other end of the crime scene seemed to part the closer Kate got and I could see a young woman with a son who looked maybe five or six sitting on a bench talking to one of the them. Esposito was right, the mom was cute and there was no ring either, always a plus. I won't describe her, but take my word for it, if she was a single mom, the guy that she had been with was an idiot for not putting a ring on her finger. Then again, looks weren't everything. I had learned my lesson after two divorces, sure they were both nice to look at, but in the end they were basically bat-shit insane.

Maybe that says more about me than them, though. I must attract the crazies which explains why Kate isn't into me, I guess.

"Hi, I'm Detective Kate Beckett, this is Richard Castle." She motioned back at me like it was an after thought. "I was hoping I could ask you a few questions."

The woman looked down at her son for a moment and then met Kate's eyes with a frown. "I really wish I could just put this behind us. My son has been through enough."

"I understand that Ms…"

"Emerson."

"Okay, Ms. Emerson, I understand that, I do. It's only a few questions and then we're out of your hair." Kate said and had a half smile on her face. She could be charming when she wanted to be.

"All right." Emerson said slowly, her hand going to her neck and she tapped her pinky finger against her collar bone.

"Thank-you. First, what were you doing out here so early."

"Walking our dog, Moxi. She's over there, tied to the tree." I turned to look where she pointed and found a yellow lab sitting calmly, her head drifting back and forth trying to keep up with everything. I had the urge to go over and start playing with her, but resisted as I doubted Kate would be all too happy with me if I did.

"Who found the man in the tree?"

"My son, Mason. He was walking ahead, playing with a tennis ball and I think it hit a rock or something and it landed over by the tree… that's when he saw the man."

"Did you see anything strange? Anyone hanging about?" Emerson laughed and quickly stifled it with a hand.

"It's New York, there are always strange people hanging around in the park."

"True, but can you think of anything that kind of felt off to you?"

"Other than the guy in the tree?" I snickered at this, turning away. Kate had been nice, but I didn't think she would continue if Emerson didn't stop being a smart-ass. But it was still pretty funny to me.

"Yes."

"No, not really, but I wasn't really looking."

"Okay, thank you for your time Ms. Emerson." Kate said and turned away, and for some reason she grabbed me by my shoulder and pulled me back over to the crime scene.

"What's going on, Beckett?" I asked and wiggled my shoulder out of her grasp.

"Nothing, I just don't want you hitting on a witness." She said, finally looking at me straight on, and I found myself wishing she still avoided my eyes.

"What makes you think I would hit on her?"

"Because that's what you do, Castle. That's all you do around pretty women." I liked to flirt and play, but I wasn't after every pretty woman I saw. Hell, if that was true I'd be dating a lot more than I was. I'd have a girlfriend waiting for me somewhere. If I was interested in tons of other women I'd be somewhere else. I told her this and she just stared at me for a moment.

"I don't care, Castle," she said and began out of the park. Now she got on my nerves. Why was she punishing me? What the hell did I do that was so wrong and worthy of that kind of treatment? It's like I had cheated on her or something.

I caught up with her just before she got to her car and I reached out, grasped her shoulder and pulled gently, trying to get her to turn around. Apparently it was a bad idea because one-second I was standing up and in the next I was looking up at the cloud filled sky with blood running from my nose and into my mouth. The metallic taste almost made me gag and I had to spit out the blood before I threw up as it was pooling in the back of my throat.

Through blurry eyes I saw Kate kneel down beside me, her face in complete surprise and for the second time ever I saw she didn't know what to do, or what really had happened. I didn't either, all I knew was that my nose may have been broken and my head was killing me.

"Shoot, Castle, I'm so sorry." She said and I could feel one of her hands on my chest and the other touching my cheek, her thumb swiping away blood that was trailing around my mouth.

"I'm okay," I said, or at least I tried to but it was muffled and I doubted she really understood.

"Why did you grab me…? I'm so sorry. Let's get you up." Her hand pressed into mine and with surprising strength she pulled me basically to my feet before she cupped my face in her hands. I looked down at her, blinking away the tears that formed on their own.

"Come on, tilt your head forward slightly. Pinch here." She said as she tilted my head for me and brought my hand up to my nose. "I'm sorry, really I am."

She moved next to me, leaning over as if trying to get a better look at my nose. She didn't say anything for a few moments as I continued to squeeze my nose shut. Man, it hurt doing that, but the bleeding did start to subside.

"It doesn't look broken." She said and reached out with a finger and pressed against the bridge of my nose and I winced. "Nope, seems to be okay. You got lucky, or you have a really hard nose."

"Probably both," I said and she nodded, still frowning. I didn't need her feeling bad about this with everything else that was going on between us. "Hey, was my fault, I shouldn't have snuck up on you."

"No, I shouldn't have reacted that way. I know better."

I shrugged. "You're under a lot of stress, I get that. Don't worry about it, I'm still in one piece… bloody, but still all here." I said and smiled for half a second before the pain made me stop. "Can I ask you something?"

She furrowed her brows for a moment before nodding. "What?"

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"With us," I said, and pulled my hand away from my nose to check if it was still bleeding. It was. "What did I do that made things so… bad between us? I thought we were friends, and yet I come back and it's like one day we're fine and the next we speak in sentences consisting of one or two words."

"Castle, do we have to talk about this now?" She asked running a hand against her cheek. "I already feel bad enough about elbowing you."

"Yes, now is as good of a time as any." I said and caught my reflection in the window of her car. I looked like a goddam clown… well, maybe more like IT the clown than a circus clown, it was creepy. She must have saw my face change because she looked at the same window and started to chuckle.

"I think I have some wet-naps in the glove compartment." She opened the driver side door, reaching over the console. It took her a minute but she returned with a small container and pulled out a towel and came toward me with it. I went to take it from her but she reached past my hand and began to gently wiping away the blood.

She stopped and looked up to me, a small smile on her lips and I found myself lost in her muted green eyes. They were dancing with mine and I forgot all about the pain in my face and smiled despite it.

"It's hard to do it with one hand, and you need to keep pressure on your nose." She said.

Why she explained what she was doing I couldn't say, but I nodded. She pulled away, broke eye contact and took my free hand in hers. She pulled a new towel from the container and wiped the hand before cleaning her own hands.

"You didn't answer my question." I said and gagged as some blood found it's way down my throat. I turned away from her, spat into the grass. It was completely red.

She crossed her arms, leaning back against the car and looked out at the crime scene behind me. She bit her lip hard enough that I could see it fold under her teeth. She wouldn't met my eyes, but I could tell by her expression that she was angry, or at least getting there.

"You just left." She said finally. She looked to the ground, her foot tapped against a stone. "You just left with that woman, and then you didn't even call. You didn't even let us know you were back in town. That hurt, Castle. That hurt a lot."

And there it was, in a nutshell. I had a feeling it might have been that I didn't get in touch with her, but that she was upset that I left? Well, that was news.

"You knew I was leaving, Beckett. I told you it would be our last case for a while." I said as I moved in next to her and leaned against the car. She shifted away from me and kept her gaze to the ground. She licked her lips before she spoke.

"Yeah, you did tell me, but you didn't tell me why."

"What?"

"You didn't tell me the real reason that you were going." She glanced my way with a frown.

"I did, I had a book due and needed to get it finished." I said and wondered exactly where she was going with this.

"So it wasn't because I was with Tom? That we were dating?"

The name struck a dark pit in my stomach. Yes, that was maybe part of the reason for leaving so early, but I didn't think it was that obvious. How could I tell her that yes, Demming chased me away? That I couldn't stand being around her when they were together? That I couldn't stand watching her slip away?

"I know it was," she said looking over, her brows raised and she looked somehow sad. "You couldn't stick it out so you just left and cut ties." She dropped her head and sighed. "I could deal with it, but you couldn't."

"Wait? What did you have to deal with?"

"Ellie? Your ex-wives?"

"I wasn't making out in front of you. Or lying to you about it." I said as a surge of anger rose up inside and if Kate's expression was anything to go by she was feeling the same.

"I told you why I lied to you."

"Yes, not to hurt my feelings, it worked wonders."

"Goddammit, Castle," she said as she pushed off the car. "I really was trying not to hurt you."

"And why did you think you dating Tom would hurt me?" I asked and crossed my arms, turned my head up to the sky. The bleeding had finally stopped, but my nose still ached and it felt like I had a film of blood on my tongue.

"Because—"

"Because you knew I was already hurting because of how you were treating me."

"No…" She began, but trailed off, the anger defused, which was probably a lucky break for me. "Yes… I don't know."

"Yeah you do. But my question about the lying is why did you care if you dating Tom made me uncomfortable?"

"Because you were my friend? I didn't want to hurt your feelings if I could avoid it. Is it really that hard to understand?"

I shrugged. "No, not really. So you only think of me as a friend. I guess I'm firmly in the friend zone then, huh?"

"What?" She said squinting and gave a small shake of her head, her upper lip curled slightly.

"Nothing. Look, do you even want me around anymore? You've said you did before, but your actions haven't bared that out. You tried to hide Josh, which is fine, I don't need to know about your personal life if you don't want me to, but you still pushed me away at work, made things feel awkward. I know you didn't mean to, but still. It just seems like I'm in the way somehow." I looked down at my hands as I spoke. They were stained a cherry color like I had just messily ate a popsicle.

She didn't answer for a few moments and I finally looked over to her. Her eyes were on me, shimmering with what looked to be unshed tears. She wasn't crying, but she was angrier than I had ever seen her and she reached out, putting an insane about of pressure on my arm and pulled me close.

"I was going to tell you what I thought about you that day after the party. That day you walked out on me and didn't seem to even care what I was going to say. Don't turn this around on me."

"You were dating Demming at the time. What? You expected me to sit by and pine for you? You didn't when I was with Ellie, or Gina. Hell, you have a boyfriend now. What did I do that was so different than you?" I said and swiped her hand off of me. "Was Gina what I wanted? No, not even close, but what I wanted I couldn't have so I moved on. I bowed out. I did it as gracefully as I could, and the reason I didn't hang out and hear what you had to say was because I was scared."

"Scared?"

"Yes, scared that I would break. That I wouldn't be able to hold onto the facade I had put up to hide how hurt I was, not that you would have noticed I guess, but I still tried."

"Wouldn't have noticed what?" She said and almost snarled at me.

"You didn't notice what you were doing to me. How your shutting me out hurt more than my nose did a few minutes ago. You were oblivious to it all."

"I wasn't oblivious, Castle. I was just… happy."

"Yeah, but you treated me like you did the first time we met. Like I was a burden again and that the last year and half never happened. Same thing when I came back and you were with Josh, though to a much lesser extant."

"I had to push you away, all right? I had to." She said and turned away from me, her jaw clenching.

"Why?"

She gave a shuttering breath and talked to the car. "Because… I really liked you, but I couldn't have you. I couldn't be with you because, while you make me laugh, and you make me happy, I can't deal with the instability that you have around you. I've been burned so many times, Castle, and I didn't want to be burned by you. I wanted to continue working with you, but I didn't think I could date you."

"But you wanted me to stick around. You wanted your cake and to eat it too?"

"No… I don't know Castle. I really don't. I broke up with Demming because after a talk with Esposito I decided I wanted to take a chance. I wanted to give us a chance. I realized that I wanted… but that fell through pretty quickly."

I actually started to laugh and she turned to me, her eyes shimmering even more. I couldn't stop it though. "God, we are so damn sad."

"What?"

"We're like ships passing in the night, separated by a thousand years. Our timing is goddam horrible." I made a motion with my hands of the passing. "We each figure out the same thing, but at such different times that we had already missed our chance."

"Not sure I'm following you."

I made a sweeping motion with my hand. "It doesn't matter, what does is this: Are you still dating that guy?"

"Haven't been for a few weeks." She said slowly, as if testing the words as she said them. She was watching me carefully and the confusion on her face made her look even more beautiful than before.

"Okay, good." I said as I turned to her and smiled through the pain. I was tired of playing this game. Fear caused all these problem; fear that I'd screw it up, that I'd lose her completely.

"Why is that good?"

"Because this is what I purpose: We go out. No funny business, we don't even tell them," I nodded my head over to the crime scene. "Just you and I. We give it a shot and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out then we can just be friends. No hard feelings and no more hurt feelings. If it does work out…" I shrugged with a smile and one finally found itself on her lips.

"You're asking me out?"

"What do you say?"

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><p>As always, a great giant, elephant sized thanks for ChrisS for beta reading this entire story for me!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Well, I'm not getting emails for this, nor does it seem anyone else is either. Hopefully this will fix the problem and will actually show up for people. Anyway, enjoy.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

There was the smell of ginger and cinnamon the moment I stepped into the apartment. I shrugged off my jacket and searched the room, looking for the source. It came from the kitchen and I followed my nose, wondering what could be cooking that filled the entire apartment with the smell. The counter laid covered with bowls and flour; spoons were scattered and stuck to the counter with a brownish dough.

The oven was on and I opened the door to be bombarded by the smell from before and I smiled broadly. Ginger snaps. Alexis or Mother made Ginger snaps and they were almost done, all brown and crisp looking. They were my official Fall cookie, them and a glass of apple cider or milk… I'd be in heaven.

Letting the oven door drop I reached over into a drawer and pulled out a spatula. No one would miss a cookie or two.

"Dad!" I must've jumped half a foot at the voice of Alexis. Luckily I didn't burn my hand, which would have just topped off this entire day.

"Hey sweetie," I said and dropped the spatula on the counter behind my back. "How was your day?"

"Those cookies are for my class tomorrow. We're having a small halloween party in English." She moved around the counter and slammed the door shut and my nose, though still hurting, was filled with the smell of cookies again. My stomach grumbled in want.

"Oh come on, just one? Please? That's all I ask."

"You can't stop at just one, Dad."

"I can, I swear. Please?" I said, holding my hands together and begging. She regarded me for a moment before smiling and walking over to the opposite counter. I followed her with my gaze wondering what she was doing, and then I saw it.

"Here. I made these for you before I started that batch." She held out a plate that was piled with Ginger snaps and handed it over, grinning at the happiness that I must have been showing. Looking down at the cookies for a moment I decided this day hadn't gone all-bad. I sat them down on the counter and gathered Alexis up in a hug, squeezed her as tight as I could.

"You are the best daughter in the world. You know that, don't you?" I whispered to her and twirled around before letting her go. God, either she was getting bigger or I was getting older.

"I know, so—" The smile disappeared in an instant and she placed her hands against my face and gently touched the bridge of my nose. "Dad! What happened?"

"Ran into something," I said placing my hands on her wrists and pulled them gently down. "I'm okay though, really."

"What did you run into?"

I paused and smirked before quietly saying, "Beckett's elbow…"

"What?" Alexis's voice went high and I squinted against it as if I had been hit again. "She hit you? Why? What did you do?"

"Me? Why do you think I did anything?" I asked hurt slightly that she automatically assumed it was my fault. Couldn't really blame her for it, but it still kind of hurt.

"Because I know you, Dad. To be honest I'm surprised she hasn't hit you more. God, but did she have to hit you so hard?" Her hands were back on my face again and I grunted in pain as she touched a tender spot.

"Well, this time it wasn't my fault. I placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her and she… hit me."

"That's it?" She asked disbelievingly. I nodded. "That doesn't sound like a reason. You had to do something else."

"It was an accident, Alexis. I surprised her and she reacted." I picked up a cookie from the plate and bit into it. Alexis could cook insanely well, and I'm not sure where she got it from as no one in my family or her mother's could cook very well. I was passible, Alexis was light years ahead of me.

"Did she apologize?"

"Yeah, she didn't mean to do it and I'm fine. It's not broken, though I don't think I should get any pictures taken for a while." I made my way over to the couch with my plate and sat down heavily. Alexis rounded the couch and flopped down next to me and rested her head on my arm.

"Are things still not going well between you two?" She asked stealing a cookie and biting in to it. I moved the plate over slightly. Yes, I am selfish with my ginger snaps. She noticed and reached over me and took two more, smiled defiantly at me.

"Actually they weren't, but I think that'll change soon."

"Why's that?"

"We talked." I said picking up another cookie and looking at it for a moment. "We figured out some things and I think we'll be okay."

"Good, maybe now you'll stop moping around here, huh?"

"I have not been moping."

"Sure you haven't," she said and rolled her eyes. "So what did you talk about that changed things?"

I drew my lips in against my teeth for a moment and wondered if I should really tell her. I'm sure she knew I liked Kate, but I'm not sure if she would be okay with me dating her. I already spent so much time with her as it was, just working, and if we started dating that would mean even less time possibly. Alexis was getting older, she had her own life and was moving on, as much as I wish that wasn't true. She'd be around less—she already was which gave me more time to myself. That didn't mean she'd be happy about it though. We had always been close, even when I dated, but I'd be working and dating Kate which would take up a lot more time.

Then again, she hadn't said yes yet.

"Sweetie, what do you think of Beckett?" I asked after a moment and ran the thoughts from before through my head one more time.

"Beckett?"

"Yeah," I placed my head on top of hers and she moved into my shoulder a bit more. "Do you like her? Do you not like her? Do you want to kill her with a candle stick in the library?"

"I'm not Ms. Scarlet," she said, her voice low with a chuckle. "But, I dunno. she's super nice, and knows a ton of stuff. She is pretty funny the times I've talked to her and… why do you want to know?" She pulled away from me and my head dropped to my shoulder.

"Just curious," I said as I straightened up.

"You asked her out, didn't you?"

"Maybe."

"And she said yes? Really?" Her eyes were wide in surprise and I had to suppress the smile that tried to appear on my lips.

"I didn't say I asked her out."

"Dad, you know you can't lie to me." A glare appeared on Alexis' face, the one she loved to use on me as she knew it worked. It just made her look so mature and disapproving that most of the time I'd do anything to get it to go away.

"I suggested."

"And?"

"And she said she'd think about it." I took another cookie from the rapidly diminishing pile.

"How did she say she'd think about it?" Alexis asked and canted her head to the side. "Was it, 'I'll think about it and still say no' tone or did she smile when she said it?"

"She… smiled?" I said and tried to think back to the park. Kate hadn't said anything for a few moments, only wiped at her eyes and stared out at the crime scene. Her lips were pulled into a thin line and I could see her gnawing on the inner part of her lip. I didn't push the issue, even as the minutes ticked by and I was just about to go crazy. She finally turned to me, took a deep breath, and locked her eyes with mine.

"I'll think about it," she had said and she had the smallest of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. It wasn't broad, it wasn't even that noticeable, but it was there.

"Yeah, she smiled." I said, this time with a bit more assurance in my voice.

"How long did she say she'd need to think about it?"

"She, uh… didn't." I said, realizing that I should have probably set a deadline for her to decide. Though, that wouldn't have gone over well considering how Kate was. She'd just say no right then and there.

"And you didn't try to give her a deadline?" Alexis asked, crossing her arms.

"No… should I have?"

The glare finally disappeared, replaced by a smile. "Maybe you are learning."

"What? What does that mean?" I said, furrowing my brow, but she just continued to smile.

"Just that maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks." She said and kissed my cheek before getting up off the couch.

"Hey, you better watch throwing that 'old' word around." I said, twisting around in the couch as she pulled out the tray of cookies and sat them on top of the oven.

"Right, Dad," She said, laughing. "Don't you dare touch these, got it? You have your own."

"I won't, scout's honor," I said holding up my hand.

"You were never a scout."

"Right, uh…"

"Just don't, please?"

"I won't," I said and popped one of the last ginger snaps into my mouth and already felt sort of sick to my stomach.

"Good, I'm gonna head up. You going to bed too?"

I shrugged. "I think I might try to get some writing done, and check my email. I'm sure Gina had something to complain about."

She nodded at me before stifling a yawn. "Goodnight, Dad."

"Goodnight," I said and watched her head up the stairs, moving slowly. How in the hell did I get a daughter like her? I don't know, but whatever deity decided to bless me with her I am forever grateful. She truly was the best thing that had ever happened to me. She made me grow up quite a bit (scary, I know. Imagine how I must've been before…), and I had a lot of learning to do about being a father. She was an excellent teacher though, and Mother had helped quite a bit, where she could.

Mother wasn't much of a mother a lot of the time when I was little, but she was around when I needed her, like when Alexis got an ear infection after her first birthday. God, those were some bad days. She was in pain and there wasn't anything I could do but follow what the doctor said. It didn't seem to be helping.

Mother though, she knew of a way of calming Alexis down during those days. Mother was there when I was at a loss, all through the years, being the female role model that Meredith could never be, nor would I want Alexis following her. Don't get me wrong I loved Meredith, but… well, she wasn't someone you wanted your daughter to turn into.

Kate on the other hand? I wouldn't mind if Alexis looked up to her more. Who wouldn't want a daughter like Kate? Smart, independent, could break a guy in two if they started something.

I was proud of Alexis now of course, as proud as any father could ever be. She had somehow turned out okay even with my influence. I did my best when she was young, and while it was a lot of, 'do as I say, not as I do', she seemed to get it.

I picked up my plate and took it over to the counter. There was still a mess there and I couldn't help but laugh. For her to forget to clean up she must've been really tired, or she was punishing me for trying to steal a cookie. I couldn't say which but either way I sighed and began to clean up.

All in all it wasn't too bad, probably took me fifteen minutes to clean it all, and when I was done I headed into my study with the few remaining cookies and a glass of apple cider. The sick feeling from eating too many cookies had subsided and really they were too good not to finish off.

My chair creaked as I sat down and leaned back, taking a long sip from my glass. The laptop was on, Word opened to a blank page and I sighed. I hadn't written anything good in three weeks, and forcing the issue had only made me write crap. Then again, if you asked some of my critics that was all I wrote, but who listens to them? Even so, this was worse crap. It was painful to write and at the same time that was all I wanted to do.

I knocked the document down into the task-bar and opened my mail client, readying myself for the onslaught from Gina. She was already on my case for new chapters for the next Nikki Heat. It was never ending, I just finished the second book two months ago and she wanted chapters already? What did I see in her again?

There was only one message from her, which surprised me a little. The subject line read: Do Not Delete! …so I deleted it with a grin and closed out. She could call if it was that important. I doubted it was, most likely it was just more complaining about how lazy I was and how if I didn't get the next book done before the deadline I'd be the one dead. One of these days I'm sure Kate will be investigating my murder, hopefully she checks Gina out first.

I opened the blank document back up and stared at it, the cursor blinking defiantly at me, mocking and daring me to write. I hated that little blinking box, the devil's own creation, I swear.

I was just about to type something when the phone rang and I cursed and hoped that Gina didn't have a way of knowing that I deleted her email. She always seemed to know when I was slacking off and it got to the point where I started looking for hidden cameras (I found none, but I'm not convinced).

My cell was on the edge of my desk and I reached across to pick it up. The screen was lit with the cover of Naked Heat and I smiled slightly. Either she was calling because they had a break in the case, or she had come to a decision, and I wasn't sure which I would be happier about. Well, that wasn't true. I really hoped it'd be her telling me she'd give us a shot.

"Evening, Kate," I said before I could catch myself. I had been thinking of her as Kate so much lately that calling her Beckett had become a conscious decision. There was no reply for a moment and I pulled the phone away from my ear to make sure the call wasn't dropped. She was still there.

"Hey," her voice sounded sort of surprised, "how are you?"

"As good as I was when I left you." I said, and began to tap the keys on my keyboard. A nervous tick that I was aware of but couldn't stop.

"And your nose?"

"Still working, albeit slightly congested. Don't know when I'll be able to breath properly again."

"I really am sorry," she said and my smile waned. I was just kidding around, but she seemed to still be a little upset over it.

"It's fine, really. Don't worry about it, Kate." Dammit. I typed Beckett on my computer and stared at it while waiting for her to reply. Maybe if we do go out and things go well I can call her Kate, but it just feels weird now.

"Are you sure, Rick? Is it bruising?" She said and I couldn't keep from chuckling at the way she said my name. She noticed all right and was mocking me, but it was still funny. I laid back in my chair and stared up at the ceiling, enjoying how things were going now. The coldness seemed to have melted at least a little bit and she was back to playing.

"Eh, I think so. Alexis noticed and—"

"Oh god," she said and I could hear the fear in her voice. "Oh god, she must think I'm insane."

"Actually…" I said and tried to keep my laughter under control. "She was wondering why you hadn't done it sooner, though she did want to know why you had to hit me so hard."

"Because you deserved it," she said and I knew the smile was back again. "Can you tell her that I'm sorry, for hitting her dad?"

I shook my head. "She's not mad at you, really. Just a little surprised I think."

"She's not the only one. I still don't know what made me react that way. I've been playing it over in my head for the past couple hours and I can't place it."

"I'm just a natural magnet to being hit, I'm everyone's punching bag."

"Rick, I don't know why you aren't mad at me. I basically knocked you flat and almost broke your nose. I'd probably be mad at you if you did that to me."

"Probably? You'd kick my ass and you know it, Detective," I said and heard her laugh out loud on the other side of the phone, and the next thing she said was in the laughing voice that seemed so alien to her and yet I couldn't get enough of it.

"You're right, I would." She paused for a moment; I cocked my head at the odd silence. It was as if she was trying to decide if she should say something and I felt my heart beat a little faster and a pleasant heat rush down my shoulders and back. Would she say yes? Would she tell me to go to hell? The wait was killing me.

"Were you serious before?" She finally said, all the laughter falling out of her voice and it surprised me as I wasn't expecting the change.

"About what?"

"You know what…"

"The date?" I asked. Why didn't she just to tell me?

"Yeah…"

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't."

"Yes, you would. You'd make a joke of it." She said, her voice surprising me again and I pulled my top lip in between my teeth and chewed on it. Why was she getting hostile all of a sudden?

"Kate, I swear I wasn't. I want to go out with you, have for a while. No joke, no games."

"Mhm… we have gone out, Castle." Ouch, back to last name.

"When?"

"Remy's and coffee shops."

I balked at my computer screen because I couldn't do it at her. "That was going out after a case, not a date, Kate. You know those weren't dates, and I don't know why you're bringing those up."

"Because…"

There was a long pause for a moment and I spoke to fill the silence. "You know, I'm worried too."

"I'm not worried, Castle," she said, her voice hard, but then a little softer she added, "Why are you worried?"

"Because I don't want to mess this up. I have a habit of screwing important things up and I don't want you to think I'm not serious. I want to give this a try if you're willing. I need to know if we would work or not. I'm tired of dancing around each other, and dating others. I want to date you." I said, and was sure she could hear the worry in my voice. I had hoped she understood already that I wasn't playing some game.

"You're right, I am kind of worried," she said slowly, and her voice was soft to the point that I had to strain to hear.

"Well, at least we're on the same page," I said and smiled slightly. "So what do you say, one date? I promise I'll be the perfect gentleman."

"I'll believe that when I see it."

"So, is that a yes?"

No answer. The phone almost sounded dead and I it felt like my heart had stopped beating in that silence. I had put myself out there fully and now all I could do was hope that she would do the same. What if she didn't though? What if she decided the risk was too great, what would happen then? Would I stay? I didn't know, it'd be the same as before, without the fun flirting. I'd be seeing her dating others and again I can't handle that, not when I don't know what might have been.

I was willing her to speak as the seconds ticked away. This was killing me and I'm sure she was going over everything in her head, everything I had said and did in the past year and a half. I had done some pretty bad things, not knowing at the time that I was, and she had done the same.

"One date. I do need to make up for hitting you."

"Not the reason I wanted to hear, but I'll take it." I said grinning so hard that my nose started to ache again, but I didn't care. It was a date. With Kate. Who would have thought this day would ever come?

"What reason did you want to hear?"

"I dunno, that you wanted to go out because you wanted to see what we could be."

"Ah…" she said, trailing off. "Well, that's the main reason, but I didn't want to tell you that." I could almost see her winking at me across the phone.

"Good to know."

"So, where is this date taking place?"

I hadn't the foggiest where we would go and what we would do. To be honest a part of me never expected her to say yes. I hoped and prayed but at the same time couldn't let myself to believe that it would really happen. Score one for pessimism.

"That's for me to know and for you to find out, my dear Detective."

"Castle, I don't really like surprises." She said, her voice sounding worried.

"You'll like this one, trust me."

"Trust you?"

I shook my head. "Just this once, I promise it'll be worth it."

"Just remember I have a gun."

"I would never forget that, and if you don't have it you could always use your elbow."

"Castle…"

"Sorry, sorry," I said chuckling at the anger in her voice. "Really, it'll be great, you have nothing to worry about, well other than what to wear."

"If I knew where we were going I'd know what to wear."

"I'll tell you when we get closer to the date."

"And when does this date take place?" She asked and I took a sip from my apple cider to buy some time. Dammit, I should have planned this out.

"Soon."

"Castle."

"How about this Friday?" I offered randomly. It was Wednesday already but it'd give me enough time to plan.

"That far away?"

"Something wrong with that day?"

"No, it's fine." She said slowly and I knew she was as nervous as I was. God, it felt like my stomach had been lit on fire and was making my entire body overly hot and itchy.

"Okay, then it's settled. Friday at eight."

"Eight it is," she said, and it was almost in a monotone.

"So, did you just call me to set up a date?"

"No, I, uh—I was going to go see Lanie at the morgue. Thought you might like to tag along."

"I'd love to." I said, feeling the happiest I had ever in a very long time. I knew she could hear it in my voice and I didn't care. I was basically over the freaking moon.

"Good. I'll met you there?"

"See you then… Kate."

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><p>As always a special, Hoover Dam sized thanks to ChrisS for beta reading.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** So it seems e-mails are working again, I got like thirty yesterday which was pretty funny. Anyway, thanks for reading, reviewing and choosing to be alerted when I update. Hope you enjoy this part. (Sorry, my disclaimers suck for this story... lol) :(

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

I stood outside of the M.E. office freezing my butt off, and wondering where Kate was. I couldn't get in as I didn't have a card or a badge, and the woman manning the front desk seemed to not like me all that much. She knew who I was and knew I usually came with Kate, but for some reason she basically told me to go to hell.

Shivering, I tried Kate's cell again and hoped that I'd get lucky and she would pick it up the sixth time I called. The problem was I didn't know if she was already in with Lanie, or if she didn't get here yet as the M.E. office is closer to my part of town than hers. Then again, if she was at the station then she'd be closer and would have beat me here.

"Come on," I said and jumped a little to try to get feeling back in my feet. The night had brought a lower temperature and a drizzling rain that felt like ice in my hair. I was not a fan of the cold, I'd much rather it be summer again where I could be out on the beach enjoying the sun. Though, fall did have its own charms.

A car pulled up and it took me a moment to recognize who it was. Kate. She parked and got out in a hurry, zipping up her jacket as she did so and slammed the door. I smiled at her as she mounted the curb and came toward me.

"Sorry, sorry," she said as she stopped in front of me. Her cheeks were red and her hair was matted to her head as if she had been standing out in the drizzling ran for too long. I doubted I looked much better. "Got held up."

"By what?"

"Nothing important, just couldn't get away. Why are you out here?" She said and I made a mental note to push for information later.

"I'm just a little ole writer, they won't let me in without you," I said and pointed with my thumb at the large building behind me. "Ms. Stickler-For-The-Rules is heading the front desk."

"Then she's doing her job in keeping out the riffraff." Kate said with her face serious, and walked pass me.

"Yeah, but I'm a special kind of riffraff."

"You're special all right." She called, heading for the front door.

I followed her into the building, the bright light of the reception area blinded me for a moment after coming from the darkness, but it didn't take long to find Stickler sitting at her desk and eyeing me with anger that I didn't quite understand. She wasn't a looker by any means and I never flirted with her, so there wasn't that. I don't think I've ever broken anything in there when waiting for Kate… but who knows? The other woman at the desk during the day liked me well enough, but this one? Yikes.

"I.D.?" Stickler said and Kate fished out her badge from her jacket pocket and handed it over before bending down and signing a logbook. It was something I had seen her do a hundred times, and yet for some reason I found myself paying a bit more attention to it.

"Thank-you, he with you?" Stickler pointed to me but didn't look over. I was waiting for her to say they don't let dogs like me in. She didn't though, just shrugged when Kate nodded and said yes. I rushed forward and walked beside Kate as we headed for the stairs and she hit me with her shoulder, a playful nudge that caught me slightly by surprise and knocked me off step for a moment.

"She really doesn't like you." She said smirking and gave me a sidelong glance.

"I tend to grow on women." I said and then paused. "That sounded dirtier than I intended."

She shook her head and laughed. She seemed slightly different now and I couldn't quiet place what had changed. Was it that she was playing along again? No, there was something else going on. Something that for some reason made me think of Demming. I shuddered at the thought and followed her into the morgue.

Usually when going into the morgue Lanie had the lights down low, as if setting the mood, when we came to see what she had. It was odd to me that a girl with such a personality like hers would choose to spend much of her time around dead bodies, and yet hard to imagine Lanie not doing so. She was a particular breed of woman and I liked her for it.

This time though the lights were up and Lanie was no where in sight. Kate and I peeled away from each other, going to opposite sides of the room. I weaved my way through the tables to the cold storage and popped open the door. Nothing but dead bodies. It was sort of creepy the longer I stood there with the way the fog came down off the ceiling vents, the bodies covered with plastic, looking like rolls in sandwich bags. So very creepy…

"Lanie?" I heard Kate call and I turned around and walked out of the freezer, rubbing my hands together.

"Isn't she usually here this late?"

"Yeah, she told me she'd be here." Kate said.

"When was that?" I asked, fishing again for information as to why she was late.

"Just before I called you. Like I said, I called to see if you wanted to come along with me." She took a look out in the hall, but no one was there. She came back inside and pulled her cellphone from her jacket. "Maybe she went out to get dinner?"

"At eleven at night?" I asked, but when I thought about the idea it made a bit more sense to me. Like cops, M.E.s sometimes worked on completely different schedules than us normal people. Their dinner might be our late night snack.

"Yeah, she sometimes does." Kate said and leaned back on one of the tables, her one hand gripping the edge while the other brought her cell phone to her ear. I watched in silence, still trying to place the odd vibe I was getting off of her. Her eyes darted to me as she listened to the rings from the phone, and it was then that I realized what it was.

She seemed happy.

Not ecstatic or anything like that, but when she looked at me I didn't see the slight contempt that use to be behind her eyes. She looked at me a bit like she had looked at Demming, and that was why I couldn't place it. She never looked at me like that, and to see her now doing so sent a shiver down my spine. I had been waiting years for her to even glance at me like she was.

"What?" She asked, a sliver of a smile wrinkling her mouth. Her brows rose when she spoke.

"Just thinking," I said with a shrug and dropped my eyes to the floor for a moment.

"Those poor braincells."

I chuckled and placed a hand to the back of my head. This was so strange to be acting like this after the past few months, and yet I was loving every minute of it. I couldn't get enough of Kate being happy.

"Hey Lanie, Castle and I are in the morgue waiting for you. Give me a call." Kate hit the end button on the phone and pursed her lips. "Voicemail." She said looking to me.

"She might be busy." I said with a waggle of my eyebrows and Kate rolled her eyes. "You never know."

"Actually I do know, and why is it always about sex with you?"

"Because I am male. We are pigs, it's well documented. Though we do try to be good." I said through a grin which she returned.

"That's for sure." I turned to find Lanie standing behind me in the doorway. She had her arms crossed and her head cocked to the side. "I'd appreciate you not trying to figure out my sex life, Castle."

"Sorry, was just trying to past the time." I said with a small salute. She gave a nod and dropped her arms as she entered into the morgue and went to a log book that sat on one of the tables by a computer.

"You know, there are lots of things you two could have done to pass the time." She said waving the pen behind her.

"You told her." I said, and turned to Kate who had her mouth slightly open.

"I—no, I didn't."

"Told me what?" Lanie said dropping the pen to the book and spun around.

"Nothing, just drop it." Kate said and placed a hand to her forehead. "What do you have for us?"

"Depends what you have for me."

"Lanie."

"Okay, but you will tell me sooner rather than later." She said with a look on her face that didn't convince me that she didn't already know. It would explain what had taken Kate so long to get to the office. She probably called Lanie to make sure she hadn't lost her mind in agreeing to go out with me.

And hey, I had told Alexis, so I guess it was only fair that she told her best friend, not that Lanie wouldn't have been able to figure it out on her own. Kate may be hardheaded sometimes and queen of the box, but she couldn't hide when something she thought was good happened to her.

Lanie walked between us and over to a table that had our John Doe on it. She placed a hand on the table and one on her hip and looked back to us. "Met Mr. Tim Regal, forty-two years old, married with two kids. The wife will be in tomorrow to I.D. the body, but fingerprints came back as a match. He was in the system for a DUI eight years ago."

"And cause of death?" Kate asked, ducking her head under one of the lamps to get a closer look. I could see just fine from where I was. No need to get an eyeful of the man.

"The two G. in the upper back. They didn't go through." Lanie said and twisted around to point at a table in the back of the room. It was brightly lit with two microscopes on it and I could see two squished bullets sitting to one side of everything.

"Nine mil?" I asked, moving over to them and looked at one through the magnifying glass she had stationed over top.

"Yup, nice catch."

"Don't encourage him," Kate said and walked over next to me. This time she leaned forward, her head an inch or so away from me. I glanced over, trying not to make it obvious. Her eyes were dancing over the bullet, probably taking in everything at once and filing it away for later use. She turned to me for a moment before she turned all the way around.

"Any idea of the type of gun?"

"It's a small hand gun, that's about all I can say. You get a suspect with one and I can try to match the bullets." Lanie said crossing her arms. "I'm still waiting on lab work for a few fibers and such that I found on his clothes, but they won't be done until Friday, at the earliest."

"Okay, thanks Lanie. I'll get Ryan and Esposito to track down what our guy may have been doing the past couple of days." Kate said and began to walk out. I moved in behind her, but somehow Lanie got between us and grabbed Kate by the arm, pulling her to a dead stop. No elbow for her of course, and even if Kate did I was sure Lanie would have ducked it. She was no where near as slow as I was.

"Lanie? What the hell?" Kate said, trying to keep her balance as Lanie turned her.

"Don't think you'll be walking out of here without giving me some information about what you were talking about before." She said, glaring and I shrunk away slightly, moving toward the door. This was going to be a glare-fest and I wanted no part of it.

Kate turned around to look at me as my hand touched the door, and seemed to plead with her eyes for me to stay, so I did. I moved away from the door and came to stand just a foot or so behind her.

"Information on what, Lanie?" Kate asked, returning the glare, and I had that feeling again that I wanted to be in another place. I was waiting for a black-hole to form between them, the two glares creating a vortex of stare death.

"What's going on between you two? You're acting all flirty to each… well, more than usual."

"Nothing has changed, we're acting like we always do."

"No, something is different between you two. What were you talking about before? Come on, spill."

Kate looked over to me, her eyebrows raised and she seemed almost lost. I stepped in.

"What do you think happened? I asked her out and she said yes? Come on, Lanie. I've asked before and she shot me down like a clay pigeon. Nothing has changed between us, other than Beckett being a bit more moody than usual." I said smirking and tried my best to sell it and for a minute I didn't think Lanie would be buying. She looked between me and Kate and I had my best poker face on. "Could be hormones." I whispered, but Kate heard of course and I figured she would.

"WHAT?"

I side jumped away, holding my hands up in defense as Kate raised hers. She went to grab my nose, but stopped halfway to it. Probably remembering what she had done to it earlier that day. "See? She's moody."

"What is wrong with you, Castle?" Kate said. She landed a good punch into my shoulder and I gave a cry and a laugh mixed in one.

"I was kidding," I said, still laughing and shook out my arm. God, I keep forgetting how strong she is. "You're so touchy."

"You keep it up, you'll have another bloody nose." She said and raised her arm. I took a step back and nodded, covered my nose and tried not to grin.

"I was wondering what happened to you face," Lanie said and walked toward me. Her hands, went to my face, pushing at the sides of my nose and I winced. Why did everyone keep touching it, especially when they saw the bruising? "Damn girl, you did a number on this. Lucky it isn't broken."

"I know, it was an accident."

"Can you breath okay?" Lanie asked as she dropped her hands away and looked up to me.

"Fine now, don't worry about me." I said and grinned, and she gave a small nod before turning back to Kate.

"What happened?"

"He grabbed my shoulder and I reacted. Knocked him flat. He's had it coming for a long time now, don't you think?" She said her eyes on me and was obviously amused.

"Can't say I'm too surprise, but something else is amiss."

"Lanie, seriously, nothing is going on. Just the same stuff that's happened with us before." Kate motioned between us with a finger.

"Yeah, I remember what happened a couple of months ago between you two." Lanie said and gave a heavy sigh. "All right, I can see you won't tell me what really happened—"

"Lanie—"

"But, I'll lay off for now. You two do know I will find out though, right?"

"If there was anything to find out Lanie, you would be the first to do so." I said and turned to walk away. I heard Kate turn on her heel and give a small 'see you later' as she followed me out.

In the hall she found her way next to me as we headed for the elevator. Even the smell of industrial disinfectant couldn't hide the scent of her and I found myself moving slightly closer, just out of reach of touching. I don't know why I wanted to be so close to her, maybe it was because I couldn't be for so long, but now that I could it was all I could think of doing. Just standing near her now made me insanely happy, and it scared me a little bit.

No woman had made me feel like Kate does, and I'm not even sure what that feeling is. Kyra probably was the closest, but even then the feeling was a bit different. I didn't want to ever lose this new one.

We came to the end of the hall and she let out a sigh when she pushed the button for the elevator. She twisted around and placed her hands against the wall and then placed the small of her back against them. Her eyes were down, searching out the floor.

"I didn't think it was obvious." She said.

"What's that?"

"That something had changed between us?" She looked over to me and gave a shrug. "Maybe Lanie can pick up on changes in me better, I don't know."

"Has something changed between us?" I asked when the elevator opened it's doors. I held my hands out, letting her go first. She did and waited for me to get in before hitting the button.

I had felt the change of course. How could I not? It wasn't exactly subtle, neither was Kate for that matter. She'd changed enough for me to notice that she was acting toward me like she had Demming, only in a bit lower key. I'm not sure she was even aware of the change, as if she had been holding it back for some reason. Not that I could really blame her if she was holding it back. At the time we both were, she just did a better job of it.

She moved to the back of the elevator and I took the spot next to her, leaning slightly toward her and she looked over.

"Well, has something?" I repeated, smiling.

"Yeah, Castle, I think something has, and hopefully it's for the better."

"You don't think it is?"

"Time will tell," she said with a shrug. "What about you?"

"Me?" I asked, caught myself staring and turned away.

"Do you think something has changed between us?"

"God, I hope so," I said and ran a hand through my hair. "I can't stand this anymore I don't think."

"I know," her voice was soft and she pushed away from the back wall. "What are we doing, Rick?"

I frowned and looked around the small elevator for a moment, wondering what she meant. I threw out a guess, knowing it wasn't what she meant, but I had nothing else. "Riding an elevator?"

She shook her head. "No, smart-guy, I meant what are _we_ doing? Why are we hiding this from them?" She pointed toward the doors. "You don't think they'll figure it out?"

"No, I'm pretty sure they will." I said, fighting a smile. I knew they would all figure it out before long. Lanie figured it out sooner than I expected but I was pretty sure we could play along with that for a bit to keep her guessing if we really were dating. Or rather, going out on a date.

"Then—"

"Because, it's our business—that and I didn't think you would want them to know. I mean dating me after working so long together? You know how cops are, you'd never hear the end of it."

"True…" She said and began to bite at the nail of her thumb. She was worried about something; I had seen her do that a few times over the years, though I don't think she realized I was watching.

"What's wrong?" I asked just as the doors to the elevator opened. She shrugged and turned to get out but I reached past her and hit the close door button and she stopped as they began to shut. "Kate. Come on, tell me."

She stood looking at the doors for a moment, her thumb still against her lips and she seemed to chew on the nail a bit harder. Finally she turned around and dropped her hands to her side.

"I want this to work out." She said and avoided my eyes. "I don't want to get this close and have it all fall apart around us. I also don't want to explain down the road to Lanie that we went out on a date and it didn't work ou—"

"See, you need to stop that." I said and stood away from the wall, reached out to grab her hands. She jerked them slightly, but I had already had them clasped between my fingers. I brought them up and looked at her, squeezing them gently. "We don't know what's going to happen, but if you go into this expecting it to fail then there is a good chance it just might. Do you want that?"

She looked down at our hands and she brought her lips in and seemed to bite on them for a moment before shaking her head. "No, like I said, I want this to work out."

"Then don't plan for when it won't. I know that'll be hard for you, but trust me, it'll be better if you don't."

"So you don't have a plan if this doesn't work out?"

"When have you ever known me to plan, Beckett?" I said and released one of her hands before hitting the open door button. I still couldn't believe she had let me hold her hands. Before today she would have probably clocked me or asked what the hell I was doing, this time she just looked at them and I could feel her flexing her fingers in mine, as if to get use to the feel.

Our hands fell from each other the moment we crossed the threshold of the elevator. I missed the warmth.

We passed by Stickler and I said a heartfelt goodnight, but she ignored me. Hey, I at least tried to get her to hate me less. Her ignoring me didn't bother me though, I felt too good about everything. Really, I should have been worried then. It was already early Thursday morning, the date was the next day and I still didn't know where we were going.

A nice restaurant would probably be a good place to start, and then maybe a movie… I didn't know, it had to be something special, but not too over the top. She'd hate it if I went all out and would probably think I was trying to buy my way into her heart. I wasn't, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to use what I could to make sure Friday turned out to be the perfect night for her.

"Want a ride?" I stopped outside and looked around. I had been thinking all the way out and it took me a moment to realize what was going on. "Castle?"

"Uh, sure," I said and she gave a small nod before getting into the car. I made my way around to the other side, dodging traffic and hopped in.

There was an actual comfortable silence between us as she drove. It was really the first one ever that I could think of. I didn't have a need to try to talk, to make some joke to pass the time. We just sat there, the radio off, the rhythmic sound of the tires on pavement washing over the inside of the car. It was a good time for thinking, and I had been doing that a lot lately.

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><p>As always, a jumbo jet sized thanks to ChrisS for betaing this for me.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Wow, there are a lot of people setting up alerts for this story, so I guess you're all enjoying it, lol. Oh, and to read this you have to agree not to hurt, maim, and/or kill me when you read the ending. It's a binding contract... I should still probably hide... yeah... crap.

Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

"What about this: dinner at Day 7, then a play at a Theater?" It was seven a.m. on Friday and I had a newspaper open in front of me, checking times on different things that were going on in the city. Alexis sat across from me dressed for school and mostly shaking her head no at everything I suggested. I was running out of things that Kate and I could do.

"Really? I mean dinner might be all right, but a play? Do you even know what kind of play she likes?" She asked and tilted her head to the side, adding, "Does she even like plays?"

I shrugged, not really sure if she would, but Kate struck me as a woman who would enjoy one every now and then. Alexis had a point though, I had no idea what kind of plays she would like. To be honest, a lot of Kate was still a mystery to me in some ways. I knew a bit about her past, some about what she planned on doing, and what she liked doing in her free time.

But, other than that? I didn't know a whole lot, and I realized she didn't know much about me. She knew I liked gadgets, and I liked to write, that Family was important to me, and things like that, but she didn't know what I liked to do when I went out. Then again her answer would probably be picking up women and she wouldn't exactly be incorrect in that, at least not before I met her.

"Dad?"

"Sorry, what were you saying?" I asked and looked up from the paper, frowning. This was not as easy as I thought it would be.

"I said, maybe you should talk to her and see what she would like to do."

I shook my head. "No, this was my idea I need to be the one planning it out."

Alexis glared at me and I wasn't exactly sure why. Her lips were pulled into a tight frown and she stood up from her chair before moving in front of me so that I had to look up to see her.

"You really think she'd mind being asked what she would enjoy doing? If you want this to be perfect then make a few suggestions to her and see what she says. Not everything has to be a surprise, Dad, she might even prefer knowing over going into something blind."

Now that she mentioned something, it made sense. I wanted it to be fun for both of us, not me just showing off as she'd hate that, a lot. Probably enough to call off anything else that could happen. Like another date.

I sat back and sighed, feeling tired even though I had just woke up an hour ago. This was so stressful, even my weddings weren't this bad, and this was only a date. I just wanted this all to go as perfectly as it possibly could, but the more I thought about it the more it seemed like it would end in total disaster.

"Here," Alexis said and turned around, picking up a legal pad from the coffee table. "These are all the things we talked about, suggest a few of them to her and see what she thinks. What do you have to lose?"

"My life?" I said with a smirk and she just shook her head and dropped the pad on my lap before heading around the couch.

"Hey, how did the party go yesterday?" I asked, craning my neck around to see Alexis while she stood in the kitchen getting a drink.

"They loved the cookies."

"Well, duh." I said and got a small giggle from her. "They're insane, I still don't know where you learned to cook."

"A book," she said, taking a sip from her glass of milk. "Anyway, I had like half the class asking for the recipe, even Miss Epstein wanted it."

"Hope you didn't give it out to everyone." I said and she shook her head.

"Only Miss Epstein, because she loves to cook and gave me her recipe for Chicken Alfredo."

"I'll be looking forward to trying it out." I said and Alexis smiled broadly at me, nothing made me as happy as seeing her smile.

"Might make it tonight for Grams and me." I frowned which she saw and looked disapprovingly at me. "There'll be left-overs, besides you're going out with Kate so you'll probably be eating better food."

"I doubt it," I said and jerked in surprised when my phone rang. I sat up, pulled it from my pocket and looked down at the caller ID. "Beckett," I said and showed Alexis the phone. She nodded, picked up her drink and walked to the stairs. "No, stay, it's probably just a break in the case, and if it's not I'll take it in there." I pointed to my study and Alexis pursed her lips for a moment before moving back to the counter.

"Morning, Detective," I said holding the phone to my ear. "Did you miss me already?"

"Possibly, but then I did just hit my head." Kate said, her voice soft and I could tell she was smiling. "How about you?"

"Did I miss you?" I asked and stroked my chin in thought. "I dunno…"

"Oh."

"I'm kidding, Kate, you're all I've been thinking about since I got up this morning."

"That's just slightly creepy."

I shrugged. "Maybe, but you have that effect on me."

"Well, to be honest all I've been able to think about is this supposed date that's happening tonight. I still don't know what to wear, Castle."

"It depends on what you choose."

"What I choose? I thought it was going to be a surprise."

"It was, but the more I thought about it the more I wanted you involved, so that we'd both have fun. That's all I care about, that you have a great time." I heard Alexis clear her throat next to me and I looked over with a grin.

"What are my choices?"

"I was thinking dinner and maybe a play, didn't think you'd really want to go to a movie with me, especially if we go to a really nice restaurant first."

"A play might be nice, but I don't know what to wear to a _super_ nice restaurant."

"What about that dress I gave you?"

"No way."

"Why? What's wrong with it? You looked stunning in it at that ball."

"It's a little much to just be going out. So, no."

"I don't think so, plus you going anywhere in that dress would make any woman around you feel ugly."

"Gee, Castle, you're trying awfully hard here." She said with a soft, nervous laugh. I had never heard such a thing from her and I wondered if she realized she had done it. Was she starting to feel a little more comfortable around me? Maybe feeling a bit more open? I sure hoped so, but I would never mention it because Kate would very likely close back up once she realized what she was doing.

"Hey, can't say I wouldn't mind seeing you in that dress one more time." I said and looked over to where Alexis had been but didn't find her. I turned around in my seat, but she wasn't in the room. I thought she would have stayed to snoop some, but she was long gone and did so without a word. "So, will you wear it?"

"I have gone shopping since then, I do have other dresses."

"I'm sure you'll look amazing no matter what you wear."

"Pouring on the charm…" She said and it was my turn to laugh. "Look, I'm already—" She lowered her voice for a moment and said, "going out with you, so no need to butter me up."

"Where are you?"

"At work?" She said as if it was obvious, and it probably should have been, but it didn't even cross my mind that she would be at work right then. Mostly because of the way she was talking, if anyone heard her she'd never hear the end of it, especially if it was Ryan or Esposito that overheard.

"Ah, that explains it, and by the way, I'm not buttering you up or anything, just calling it as I see it. You were stunning in that dress, and you would be in anything you wear for tonight."

"Thank-you, Castle." She said and I could imagine a pink color blossoming on her cheeks and I grinned. I got the feeling it had been a while since someone had told her something like that, and it was sad because it was the God's honest truth. It wasn't just her looks though, no, Kate had a lot more going for her than looks. What I really loved was how her mind worked, how it seemed to work in sync with mine at times, but in a more rational way. She was so damn smart and that made her sexy to me. Not to mention she was tough as shoe leather dipped in steel, and didn't take my crap. I still couldn't believe she had even played with the idea of going out with me, yet alone agreed to it.

"You're welcome, so I'll see you tonight?"

"Ye—"

"Hey, Beckett, you all right?" The voice came over the phone loud and clear and it sounded like Esposito.

"Fine, look I'm on the phone." Kate said back, her voice hard.

"Yeah, I see that, but your cheeks are all red, you sure you're okay? Not getting sick are you?"

"Esposito, I'm fine, really."

"All right, just wanted to make sure. Who's on the phone?"

"None of your business."

"Ah, a new boyfriend maybe? I thought I heard you laughing. You talking dirty or something?" I smiled at this. I was already feeling bad for Esposito because he was pushing it and it wouldn't take much to bring on the wrath of Kate, especially when she was embarrassed.

"No. Don't you have some work to do?"

There was a scuffle on the other end and I heard an angry yell from Kate as the phone crackled against my ear before Esposito's voice filled the speaker.

"Hey, bro, I'm telling you get out while you still can. She's a wild one. She— OW!"

"Serves you right, you jerk." Kate's voice came back on the phone, her breathing heavy and she hissed through her teeth. "Damn, I caught one of his buttons."

"You okay?" I asked, still trying not to laugh but I was loosing the onslaught against the giggles.

"Fine, just cut my knuckle."

"Is he fine?"

"If he doesn't knock this crap off he won't be." There was a pause and then, "Go away or I'll put your other arm asleep, Esposito."

"Sounds like I missed all the fun." I said, and wished I could have seen the fight and had my camera out to take pictures. Screw UFC, Kate beating up Esposito would be far more entertaining.

"Just the normal stuff. You coming by today?" She said and I could imagine her sitting back in her chair, her hair laying over one shoulder and glaring death at Esposito from across the room.

"I'm going to try," I said looking at my office. Nikki was calling me and if I could get partway through a chapter it'd keep Gina off my back for a week. "I need to get some writing done and then I'll swing by, unless you have a break in the case right now?"

"Nope, nothing major, just having Ryan and Esposito interviewing a couple of people that popped up during our background check of our vic."

"Druglords? Spies?"

"Nothing that interesting, if it was I'd have called you."

"But you did call me," I said.

"Yes, I did, but this was more of a personal call than work related."

"I like these calls."

"I'm sure you do, anyway I better get back to work before Esposito puts a wiretap on my phone to find out who I'm talking to."

"You could just tell them."

"Not after what he saw, no way. Besides, it was your idea to keep this all from them, remember?"

"I do." I said and wished I didn't have the idea. It complicated things that were, in a way, already very complicated. We wouldn't have comments from the peanut gallery every five minutes though, and we could take our time if this first date worked out well. If it didn't? Well, better they didn't know then. "Okay, we both have some work to do, and the faster I get to writing the faster I can stop by."

"Looking forward to it."

"Really?" I asked and tried to hide the shock in my voice.

"Yes," she said and I believed her. "See you later today."

"See you soon, Kate."

"Bye, Rick." She said and the phone hung up.

I sat back into the couch. My stomach fluttered for some reason. It couldn't have been because of the date. I'd been on tons of dates before, hundreds, maybe even thousands, and yet I felt like this was my first date ever. I felt awkward and nerdy and even a little sick to my stomach.

I pushed myself up off the couch and dropped my phone gently to the coffee table before I stretched, feeling a warmth wash over me. Yeah, I was going to be a wreck. Writing would take the edge off, and if that didn't work there was always internet porn, though it was a little early for that. I wiped my hands on my pants and headed for my study.

It didn't take long to get lost in the story. I had turned off the wireless on my laptop and had my stereo blasting out classic rock. There was something about those songs that just made writing easier for me, maybe it reminded me a bit of me of my youth, or it was that the songs were usually stories in of themselves. Which ever it was, they helped draw me into the world of my book and I was typing away like crazy.

_Long Cool Woman_ had just begun to play over the stereo and I was starting to really get into it when I heard the ring of my cell from the other room. It was faint but I had long since developed an ear for the sound. I stood up, groaned and took a glance at the clock on the wall. Well, crap. It was already five in the evening. Time had passed me by and I hadn't even noticed it.

I walked out into the living, blinked at the darkness that had started to settle in and reached for my phone, expecting it to be Kate asking where the hell I was. It wasn't Kate. It wasn't anyone I was really expecting and I stood staring at the caller ID, wishing the name away. The person on the other side of the phone would only cause a problem. I could feel it in my bones and I almost didn't answer. Almost.

"What is it, Gina?"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** So, we're in Kate's POV for this chapter, and I will be switching between Rick and Kate on each chapter for the rest of the story. Things don't go as planned for the date, but I think most of you will stop hating me after reading this... at least I hope so.

Enjoy!

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

I stood outside Castle's door wearing a dress that I had bought a day before. There was no way I'd wear that dress he got me last year. It fit well enough, but when I stood in front of the mirror it just seemed too much. The dress I did wear was still red, but mostly plain except for some frills around the edges.

I thought I looked all right, but I still felt silly in it. I had spent almost an hour in front of the mirror trying to get my makeup to look okay, and I had a bit of trouble with my hair, but I got it into a style that I at least found passable with the help of Lanie.

She came over while I was getting ready, just to talk but I was pretty sure at the time that she already knew. I opened the door, still wearing my bathrobe as I just got out of the shower. She basically pushed her way in, saw the dress hanging from the fan and asked me what was up. It was in a tone that told me that I didn't have a choice in whether I'd answer or not. I mumbled a curse and when I told her she said she already figured it out, she just wanted to hear it from me.

I hated when she did that, but now that she knew I asked her to stay and help me out, which she did gladly. I think it was mostly because she knew she'd have a lot more fun ribbing me about going out with Castle than being a good friend (there was that too, of course).

Still, I was glad she was there as I was almost going out of my mind. This was worse than the ball, there it wasn't a date, we were undercover. There wasn't that much more tension than the day before, but now? Now it was a date which changed everything, didn't it?

I really wished we were just going to Remy's or something. Somewhere—anywhere—that I didn't have to get so dressed up. Don't get me wrong, every once in a while it's nice to get dressed up for something, but I already felt nervous enough, I didn't need to be self-conscious too.

I flexed my fingers against my small purse, and wondered if I should really be doing this. It was just one date, sure, but one date could turn into another, and another after that. It could also end our friendship. I thought I was adult enough to deal with still being friends, but I wasn't sure Rick could do the same. I know he said he could, but after what he pulled a couple months ago, I disagreed. I still wasn't sure why he didn't show up like he said he would, but I figured he just got caught up in his writing. It's happened before.

With a deep breath to calm the jitters in my stomach I reached out and rapped my knuckles on the door, hissed slightly at the pain in the one I had cut, and took a step back. Nothing happened for a minute or so, and I kept checking around me, making sure no one stood in the hall watching me as waited. I thought about knocking again when I heard the door unlatch and it opened to show Alexis.

"Detective Beckett?" She asked, smiling wide. "Wow, you look amazing."

"Thanks," I said as the feeling that I was being stood up crept it's way up my nerves. If I was, he was going to die. He thought a bloody nose was bad? "Is your Dad here?"

She took a step back, opened the door wider and frowned. She motioned in with her hand and I went in, clenching my teeth to try to keep myself in check. I didn't know what was going on, I was only assuming things.

I took a quick glance around the living room; little had changed since the last time I had been there, though the lights were a bit dimmer in the living room and the TV was on. The movie playing on it looked to be Avatar if the blue skin was any indiction. There was a bowl of popcorn sitting on the table and a blanket and pillow piled on the couch.

Alexis walked over to the small side table and picked up the remote, paused the movie. That done she turned back around but wouldn't meet my eyes. Something was wrong, and I had a feeling I wasn't going to like what she had to say. "Want something to drink?"

"Alexis, where's your dad?" I asked, crossing my arms. I wasn't angry at her and I wouldn't take it out on her either. No, all my anger would be at Castle if he was standing me up. I swear, the guy had no common sense.

"He's not here." She said slowly, still keeping her eyes down. It wasn't bad enough that he was standing me up, but he was making his daughter break the news to me? I was going to kill him.

"Where?"

"Well… this is where it gets tricky." Alexis said and began to wring her hands and pace slightly.

"Come on, let's sit down," I said and placed a hand gently to the girl's shoulder, steering her to the couch. She sat down on her leg and I sat down next to her, smoothing my dress out and turned at an angle to look at her. "Alexis, just tell me what's going on. Please?"

She looked up at that, and I smiled gently at her, even while planning of ways to kill her father. I should have seen this coming; should have known this would all fall apart. After all his talk about how much this meant to him, how he wanted to give us a chance, and he throws it away.

Alexis sighed heavily, placed her hands in her lap and looked down at them. She began to scratch at the nail polish on one of her fingers. "Dad had another obligation that kind of came out of no where."

"What kind?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know.

"Well… Gina called—"

"Please, don't tell me he's with Gina." I said making to stand, but Alexis's hand found my arm and with surprising strength kept me from moving.

"No—yes, he is with Gina, but not in the way you're thinking."

"And in what way am I thinking?" I asked and squinted at the sound my voice. "Sorry, Alexis."

"It's fine, I understand," she said and she seemed to not take it personally, but this was starting off badly. "Look, Dad meant to be here, he really did. He would have been too if Gina hadn't called." I clenched my teeth at the name, it was always something with Gina. "Apparently she scheduled a book signing and in Dad's contract he has to appear at every signing, otherwise he'll be in breach of it and loose the publishing deal."

"So, why didn't he call?"

"He tried—I tried, it just kept going to voice-mail. We tried your phone at the station too, but you weren't there." She said, her lips going thin and her eyes dropped to the floor before she continued. "He did, he really did, he felt horrible. I've never seen him look so angry and so hurt at the same time. You need to believe me, he didn't want to break the date. It was all he could talk about the past few days, I mean, we spent all morning trying to plan it out."

"Really?" She nodded her head, frowning. I suddenly felt bad about getting so angry. I don't think anyone would really blame me with Castle's reputation, but at the same time I probably should given him the benefit of the doubt.

I opened my purse and pulled out my cellphone, not so much to check her story as wondering why I missed calls. I saw it then when checking the settings on the phone, it was on vibrate and that had broke months ago. Dammit. I threw the phone back in my purse and stood. I didn't go anywhere, just stood there for a moment wondering what I should do now.

I believed Alexis, but I still wanted to talk to Rick and hear it from him. I turned around to her and offered a small smile. "Hey, I'm sorry, just a little frustrated with it all. What store is your dad signing at?"

"You're not going to kill him are you, be—"

I laughed and bent down. The thought had crossed my mind, but if what she said was true I wasn't planning on it and I told her so. She seemed to calm down slightly and got up, walked to the kitchen counter and picked up a pen, scribbling something down on a post-it note. She came back to me and handed the yellow note over.

"The signing goes on until ten or so tonight. Gina is there so you might want to steer clear of her."

"Don't worry, I can handle both Castle and Gina." I said, smiling and folded the paper into my purse. "Thanks, Alexis, I appreciate you telling me."

She nodded. "Just don't be too hard on him, please? He's probably as upset as you are at the moment. Give him another chance."

"I will," I said and began to the door. I had it halfway open when she called out to me.

"You might want to get changed first, you'll be a little over dressed for the signing." She gave me a sheepish smile and I returned it, nodding and looking down at myself. I was glad she said something because I hadn't even thought of it until then. Changing would probably be a good idea, as there was no date happening tonight.

I closed the door and headed home, changing into a red shirt and jeans. I threw on a leather jacket that I bought a couple of months ago and checked myself in the mirror. I still looked all right and now I was feeling pretty good in my own skin. Pants and a shirt were much more my style.

I left, following the address that Alexis wrote on the small slip of paper for me and found myself parked a few blocks away from the bookstore. The place was packed and the line went out the door from Rick's table and I could see him through the front window of the store. He didn't notice me. His head was down, scribbling his signature on anything that was put in front of him. Every once in a while he would look up at one of his fans, laugh, smile and then look back down.

How did he do it? That many people clambering for me would drive me nuts and yet he seemed to revel in it. I didn't get in line as I would never see him and really I was too tired to stand around waiting. I went to bypass the line but when I got up to the door a young man of about seventeen stopped me.

"Sorry, the line for Richard Castle starts back there," he pointed behind me and I turned to look. The line seemed to have grown in the fews seconds I had taken my eyes from it.

"Who?" I asked, acting like I never even heard the name.

"You're kidding…"

"About what?"

"You don't know who Richard Castle is?"

"Nope, just coming in to get Full Dark, No Stars. You know, the Stephen King book? Him I know, never even heard of Richard Castle, is he some hack mystery writer?"

"Depends on who you ask, I guess." The kid said smiling slightly. "All these people would probably jump you for saying that, though."

"Really?"

He shrugged. "All right, just keep away from the front unless you're paying, otherwise you might get trampled."

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks." I said and walked passed him and into the crowd of people. I had to excuse myself through the line and I heard a few curse as I worked my way to the other side. It seemed to be forever until I saw the light of the other side of the store, and I came to stand in front of the rows of bookshelves and tables. It was almost warehouse size with the length of them and I wondered if there would be a book that I couldn't find here.

I looked to my right and could see Rick clearly now. He was leaning back in his chair shaking out his hand and I couldn't keep myself from smiling slightly. He seemed to be having a good time despite the pain, which was fine. If he wasn't having a good time his fans would notice, but I wondered if he felt as bad as Alexis had said. Right now, I couldn't believe it.

"Kate Beckett?" I turned at my name, the voice sounding familiar. Behind me I found the woman that had caused all this trouble between Rick and I. I doubted she even realized what she was doing, or she just didn't care.

"Gina," I said trying to keep my voice even but I failed.

"Fancy meeting you here. If you're here for a case I think you can see Rick is pretty busy at the moment so you'll have to fly solo for now, dear."

Dear. The word couldn't be more condescending right then. I forced a smile and gave a small nod.

"I'm not here for a case, just wanted to talk to Castle about something."

"Well, like I said, he's—"

"Busy, I know and I can wait. Looking for a book anyway." I said, still not sure what I hoped to accomplish by coming here, but it had seemed like such a good idea when I left home.

Gina walked around me and blocked my line of sight of Rick, but it was more likely she was trying to block his. I started to understand why Rick had left her, she could be a bitch.

"See you." I said and pushed my way past her, heading for the rows of books that were closest to Rick's table. I wasn't hoping too much that he would notice me, but it gave me a view of his table so that I could catch him when he took a break. If he took a break. With the line I wasn't sure if they would ever let him.

I stood close to the bookshelf, looked up to the top shelf and watched Rick out of the corner of my eye. He looked different here, and I realized that I was seeing him in a way that I never really did… at least not for a long time. I had been to only one his signings, years and years ago, but I still remembered how crazy it was. That hadn't changed, and neither had Rick's demeanor. He was happy to see his fans, taking time to chat with each one as he signed their book and I felt a small pang of longing in my chest as I watched a smile curve back his lips, exposing his teeth and one of his laughs echoed in the air.

I smiled too. There was something infectious about his laugh, about him in general. The smile slowly faded from him though when he looked over, maybe feeling my eyes on him, and a pained look crossed his face that made me feel even worse about what I was thinking of doing to him back in the loft.

"Kate?" He said watching me and I looked down at the floor for a moment before looking over to him, trying to get my face under control. He went to stand up, excusing himself from the table. "I'll be right back guys, gotta use the little boy's room." He said and then rushed into the isle I was in, grabbed my wrist and pulled me with him to the back of the store. Three or so books fell from the shelf I had been looking at and I cringed at the noise they made. He pulled me to the end of the isle and then let go, taking a step back from me.

"I'm sorry Kate, I really am I—" I pressed a finger to his lips and he quieted instantly, his eyes slightly wide.

"Alexis told me." I said and looked back up the isle. I could see a number of female fans standing at the other end, watching us and I suddenly felt very exposed. I moved to stand at the end of the shelf and moved Rick to stand in front of me. I still had my finger pressed against her lips and he was staring down at it, looking almost like a dog with a treat on their snout and I had to laugh. He gave me a curious look as I dropped my finger.

"What?"

"Nothing, just that look reminded me of something funny." I said and leaned back against the shelf, balling my hands at the small of back and resting on them. "So, you stood me up, mister."

"I know," he said and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up a bit more than before. I sort of liked it. "I didn't want too, I planned on being there and then Gina blindsided me with this signing."

"You had no idea?" I asked, not sure I was buying that she had just surprised him with it. Then again, it was Gina. I wouldn't put it past her.

"She sent an email apparently, but I deleted it figuring she was just complaining about not having new chapters for the next book. I never would have suggested tonight for our date if I had known." He said and seemed to be willing me to believe him, a bit like what Alexis had done, and oddly I did. Sure, it was his own fault for deleting the email, but at the same time he didn't mean for it to work out like that.

Huh, when did I become so understanding when it came to Castle? I'm not sure, but maybe I have been a bit too hard on him at times, not that he doesn't deserve it, but that doesn't mean I can't cut him some slack once in a while. As long as he didn't abuse it; knowing him he probably would.

I pushed up off the shelf and came face to face with him, smiling slightly. "You owe me." I said and his brows dropped, creating a small crease between which was surprisingly cute. "You stood me up, so you owe me. I was all dressed up, spent time on my makeup and hair expecting to go out to somewhere nice, and instead here I am at Barnes and Noble."

"I thought something looked different about you. In a good way, I mean you look great normally, but you look amazing now. I was right."

"About what?"

"You do look amazing in what ever you wear." I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks and I drew my lips into a thin line to try to keep from smiling. I couldn't look at him and so dropped my eyes to his chest. Three buttons were undone and I felt the sudden urge to unbutton the rest. The urge was small, but it surprised me nonetheless.

"Yeah, well, a girl doesn't like getting all dressed up for nothing."

"I really am sorry. Will you give me another chance? Please? I promise I'll make it up." I paused, thinking it over. Well, not really so much thinking as wanting to make him suffer just a bit. I was about say I would when he interrupted me.

"Look, I'll even get down on my knees and beg." He said and took a knee, holding his hands together and shaking them at me while starting a chorus of 'please'.

"Get up, Castle, before someone sees you." I said reaching out and gripped his hands while searching around to make sure no one with a camera could see us. A picture like this could cause a big misunderstanding. No one was around, thank god, and I was able to get him up and standing. "Look, fine, I'll give you another chance."

"How about a small chance tonight and a bigger chance later?"

"What do you mean?" I said, letting my mouth drop slightly as I tried to figure out what he could be thinking. Probably nothing good.

"Look, this signing is over—" He looked down at his watch and then back up to me. "In twenty minutes or so, and I'm starving. Have you ate?"

"No."

"Then come back to my place, Alexis said she'd have leftovers for me tonight. What do you say? We can still at least have dinner and I might have a movie we could watch if you're up for it… if you're not I understand, it's already late and I'm sure you —"

I placed another finger to his lips again (seemed like the only way to shut him up) as his words began to jumble together and I leaned forward so that we were almost nose to nose. "All right, sounds like a plan to me." I said and then removed my finger, replacing it with my lips. I don't even remember doing it to be honest, it wasn't in any of my plans and yet the next thing I knew we were kissing each other pretty hard in the back of the bookstore, and I found I didn't much care who saw at the moment.

His tongue tasted my lips and I did the same to him, our mouths smashing together and my hands went to his hair, tangling my fingers into it. His own went to my waist and the small of my back, pulling me slightly closer. I could feel his fingers curl into my shirt, scratching at my skin as the kiss continued to deepen. God, it was almost electric at times. My breathing became ragged as my heart slammed against my chest, threatening to go into light-speed. I dropped one of my hands to his neck after a few seconds and pulled him to me while he did the same and I pressed my chest and waist as tightly to him as I could manage and dropped my tongue to his, dancing with it. It felt like my body just couldn't get close enough.

Then it was over. In a moment we pulled away, looking at each other. It had been quick, but it felt like minutes had passed by. His lips were a phantom on mine and I couldn't help but stare at the real ones and how they glistened just slightly from my lip gloss. He smiled gently and licked those lips and the smile grew.

"Cherries," He said, his voice distant. "That was… something."

"Yeah, something." I said smirking and cocked an eyebrow at him. "Let's just not get carried away, you do have fans waiting for you."

"If we kiss like that some more they can wait all night." He said and gave a waggle of his eyebrows before his entire face changed. The happiness that was once there fell away like he'd been slapped

"There you are, what are you doing?" I turned to look down the aisle and found witchy Gina making her way toward us. Her face was drawn up in annoyance and I wondered if it wasn't just how she normally looked.

"Took a bathroom break and then ran into Beckett." He said and pointed to me which made her turn.

"You're still here?"

"Haven't found that book yet." I said, smiling sweetly before dropping it and I looked back to Rick who seemed to be having a great time right then.

"And what book are you looking for? Maybe I could help you so you stop bothering Rick while he's working."

"He does it to me all the time."

"Yes, well, I rather you didn't do it tonight. So… that book?"

"You know," I said turning, "I don't even think it's out yet." I moved beside Rick and looked at a poster hanging on the wall behind him, on it were upcoming releases. "Nope, damn, my mistake. Stephen King's book doesn't come out until next month."

"I didn't know you liked King." Rick said and I turned to him and shrugged.

"There is a lot you don't know about me, Castle." I said and winked, once again feeling the sensation of his lips on mine. If things went well tonight then I might be feeling them again and I almost couldn't wait. Not that it would go any further than kissing. Nope, not on the first date. I smirked at the thought hoping that I could hold to it if there was wine involved.

"You're a mystery to us all," Gina said. I turned to her and let a glare play over my face. I didn't care anymore if she knew I didn't like her, she obviously didn't like me all that much. "So, now that it's all cleared up, you have a signing to get back to, Rick."

"I do, and I think maybe I'll have a guest with me." He said and I already didn't like where this was going.

"What are you talking about?" Gina asked, her face knitted up in confusion.

"Well, Kate is the inspiration and I'm sure some of those out there waiting would love to have their book signed by the 'real' Nikki." He said grinning and looked over to me, and added: "Not that you are Nikki, but she is based on you."

"You do seem to like reminding me of that."

"No way," Gina said shaking her head.

"I'm pretty sure this is a book signing for one of my books. As such, I can have anyone I want here." He said keeping his eyes on me. I brought my bottom lip under my teeth. It wouldn't be so bad would it? At least I wouldn't be bored and it'd be a bit of fun to meet the people who loved Nikki so much. "What do you say, Kate?"

I sighed. "Sure, why not? Otherwise I'd have to hang out with her," I nodded to Gina who looked about ready to blow her top.

"Then it's settled," Rick said, clapping his hands together. "Gina, could you get a chair and a pen for Kate? Thanks." His hand found it's way into mine and he pulled me past Gina and up to the front of the store.

He stopped beside the table that he had sat at only moments before and gave my hand a small squeeze before releasing it. There were a lot of people out here and I began to regret agreeing. It was loud too, hundreds of voices on top of each other, talking a hundred different conversations.

"Excuse me, everyone!" Rick said and the murmur died to almost silence. "I have a special surprise for all of you and I want you to make her feel welcomed. She's a very dear friend of mine and inspires me in so many ways. I give you Detective Kate Beckett, the inspiration for Nikki Heat!"

He moved away from me and my face went flush, heat burning along my cheeks as my chest lit on fire. All eyes were on me and my skin felt like it was trembling. Rick was next to me laughing and clapping by himself for only half a second before the entire store exploded in a round of applause and whistles and my breath caught in my lungs.

I gave a small wave and tried to smile but I wasn't sure how well I did. What I did know is that I was not a fan of having everyone watching right at that moment. Yet… there was something thrilling about it and I guessed this was the rush that Castle must get whenever he goes somewhere like this. It really was like nothing I ever felt and before I realized what was happening I found myself sitting right next to Rick, a pen in hand and faced with a fan who had a book that Rick just signed.

"Hi," The young man said, his face probably as red as mine and I grinned at him.

"Hi, how are you?" I asked as he handed over his book and he grinned back.

"Good, great actually, I'm a huge fan of Mr. Castle, and of you in a way. I was just wondering, I know Mr. Castle shadows you for research, and I've been curious… how much actually happened in real life that was in the book?

"Less than you think, but there are parts." I said and signed my name under Rick's and made a small note about thanks for coming. I had no idea what to write and I found myself wondering how authors did this. It's such an odd thing to sign a book to someone that you just met and make it seem like you actually mean what you say. "Thanks so much for coming." I said and handed back the book. The kid's grin grew even more which I hadn't thought possible.

"No, thank you, Detective. It was nice to meet the inspiration for Nikki." He said and clutched the book to the side of his chest and took off. Behind him were a number of people coming over from Rick's side of the table and I couldn't believe it. I could not believe that anyone here would want little 'ole Kate's signature, and yet there was a line. A freaking line to see me. ME. Are you kidding?

The more books I signed the easier it became to sign it with something personal for the fan as I was getting more comfortable. I realized the trick was to get them to tell you something about themselves and just have a nice quick chat so that you had something to write to them. Something that they would remember. I still remember Rick doing that to me and I wondered if he remembered at all. I doubted it as I saw a ton of people so far and I don't remember any one of them. Not because I didn't want to, but because it's sensory overload.

Before I knew it the line had dwindled to a few people and the managers were starting to file people out the front door.

"I know it's fiction, but I have to ask, are you two together?" A woman said coming up to me. She was a plump thing, with a beady eyes, but they were gentle.

"Not really, no." I said smiling and I caught Rick looking over as he signed another book. "Nikki and Rook get along better than we did. But hey, you never know what may happened in life." I said and signed her book with the same bit and closed it before handing it back.

"Too bad, you two would probably be good together." She said and I gave a shrug, glancing over to Rick again. "Thanks again, Detective, and thanks for inspiring Mr. Castle to write a strong, badass female. We need more of those nowadays."

Laughing, I told her she was welcome. I looked over to Rick as I rubbed a cramp out of my hand. I don't think I've written my name so many times in my life. Actually I was sure of it. The last few people came up, just getting their books signed by Rick and once they were gone he blew air through his lips and leaned back in his chair, looking completely wiped. I knew how he felt, at least some bit.

"Jeeze, that was a lot of people." He said folding his hands on top of his head. "I haven't done a signing like that in a long time."

"I don't know how you do it, really." I said, my fingers still aching and rubbing them seemed to do little to help.

"Lots and lots of practice. You didn't do too shabby, Detective. Not your first book signing?"

My words caught in my throat for a moment. No, he couldn't remember. He was making some smart-ass remark, making a joke. He didn't remember me out of that sea of people at the signing all those years ago.

"No, I've been to one before."

"Oh? Who's? Stephen King?" He asked looking over to me with his hands still on his head. His eyes were drooping and it looked like he might fall asleep at any minute.

I pursed my lips for a moment and then shook my head. "No, never seen him in person."

"Then wh—" He stopped and I looked over and found his eyes slightly wide now, staring at me. "It was one of mine, wasn't it?"

"No," I said flatly, maybe a little too flatly because he grinned and chuckled.

"It was, come on, tell me which one."

"No, because it wasn't one of yours."

"You can't lie to me, Kate. I can see it on your face."

I shook my head and sighed. "Fine." I spat out and looked to him, feeling the corners of my mouth lift. "It was five or so years ago. It's not a big deal."

"Sure it is, what did I write to you?"

"I don't remember." I did. I remembered it quite well because on my darker days I would read the little blurb he wrote to me and I would feel just a little bit better. His words had that effect on me for some reason, and the words he wrote just for me seemed to have even more power to them.

_Stay strong and stay brave. That's all we can do in this world. I wish you the best of luck._

_Richard Castle_

"You remember."

"I don't, really." I said, and then looked out into the store, trying to find a change of subject. "Wow, that took a long time. I'm surprised so many wanted me to sign as well."

"Of course they did, they love you Kate, and they love Nikki."

"And they love you. I saw how a couple of those girls were slipping you their numbers along with their books."

"You had some admirers yourself, Miss Beckett." He said and pulled out a trashcan from underneath the table where he was sitting. "The numbers go in there and get shredded later. Fans can be crazy sometimes, which is why I don't usually date them. I'm taking a chance with you." He said and I gave him the finger which caused him to bark out a laugh. "Promise?"

"Shut-up, Castle." I said and shook my head.

"They sold out." Gina appeared in front of us like some kind of ghost and I actually jumped slightly. Rick didn't, but he was probably use to it by now. "Every last copy of Naked Heat is gone. I can't remember the last time a signing had gone this well." She was grinning and it started to creep me out. I had hoped the nice men in white jackets would show up soon and take her away, but no such luck. She turned to me and I had a bad feeling wash over me. "Guess it helps with the pretty little inspiration sitting at the table. What do you say, Kate? Want to come to all his signings? He could use the boost."

"Maybe, maybe not. I'm busy usually." I said, taking issue with how she said pretty. What did I do to piss her off? Eh, I'm not sure if I really care, to be honest. "We'll have to see how things go." I stood and stretched, groaning as I did so and I heard Rick do the same next to me.

"It went really well, Gina. Nice work promoting."

"Of course, if they don't buy the books I don't get paid, and neither do you." She said and crossed her arms over her chest, smiling that creepy smile. "Anyway, I'm still waiting on chapter three."

"Yes, yes, I know. First draft of it is finished and you'll have it by Wednesday."

"I better, or we'll have a problem, Ricky." I looked over to him and mouthed the word Ricky which he just glared at.

"You will. Look, I'm beat so I think I'm gonna head home. I'll see you later?"

"You better believe it." She said and walked to him and placed a kiss on his cheek. I felt a sudden rush of jealously run over me but I quickly stamped it down. Rick wiped his cheek as soon as she turned to me and gave me a small wave before making her way to one of the managers who had almost the same creepy smile. Must be the 'I made so much money that I can't stop smiling like a jackass' grin.

"I think my ass is numb." I looked over to see Rick rubbing his back side and adjusting his pants. He was like a freaking teenager sometimes.

"Can you walk?"

"No, think you can carry me?"

"I'd leave you here and you know it." I said and he feigned hurt but I didn't react to it. "God, I'm starving. Is there anything else we need to do?"

"Nope, we're out of here, baby."

"Don't call me baby." I said and I saw him swallow hard and I enjoyed him being uncomfortable just a bit too much.

"Right, sorry. Think I could get a ride from you?"

"Sure, why not? I usually chauffeur you around anyway."

"Only because you won't let me drive." He said and rounded the table, holding his hand out for mine and without much thought I took it. He led me forward to the exit. Saying a goodnight to the manager, who must've said thank-you a thousand times, and Rick held the door open for me.

"At the rate you're going I never will let you." I said once we were out of earshot of the manager and Gina.

"Such a meanie." He said and I laughed while we walked the block to my car and I unlocked it. I got in and reached over to unlock his side. He sat down, watching me in a way that reminded me of the times he would sit in the chair beside my desk. I missed him sitting there. I don't think he really realized that his leaving bothered me as much as it did, how could he? I didn't know either until the last few weeks with him back. I hadn't let him get close—couldn't let him, and yet I wanted things back to how they'd been before all these problems had cropped up.

He was getting close though, whether I wanted him to or not, he was working his way back in. This time he got much further than ever before and I found that I was okay with that. Like I had told him, I wanted it to work out between us. I was tired of just being friends as much as he was because, in some strange way… I love him.

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><p>As always, a Milky-Way Galaxy sized thanks to ChrisS for beta reading!<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **A little more fun and some heart to heart which there will be a lot of in this story. :)

Enjoy!

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><p>Chapter Six<p>

Well, she didn't kill me. When I saw Kate out of the corner of my eye I was sure she'd jump the table and beat me to death with my own book. She didn't, in fact she kissed me in a way that I haven't felt in quite a while. It was amazing and I wanted nothing more than to do it again as soon as we could.

She parked the car a few blocks from my apartment and I got out, waiting on her. The night was cold and clear, a cliche fall evening. I drew my coat around me tighter, my hand ached slightly as I tried to button it closed. Signing so many books was going to give me carpal tunnel, but I had enjoyed every minute of it. I enjoyed it even more with Kate there beside me, signing books and talking to fans.

"Need help?" I asked as she finally opened her door and stood up, her hair drifting back off of her shoulders and becoming scattered in the wind. I liked her hair longer, not that it being short was bad either, but the way it framed her face… I dunno.

"I'm fine, Castle." She said and rounded the car to meet me on the sidewalk. "Just… was thinking for a minute."

"About what?" I asked, knowing she wouldn't tell me of course. That'd be too easy. We walked shoulder to shoulder to my building. It was one of those comfortable silences that seemed to be creeping up between us. Again, I had no real urge to break it because it felt almost like a dream in some ways, especially the part where she was coming up for dinner at my place.

I went to the elevator and hit the button, stood to the side of it and looked at her profile. She had a hand to her chin and tapped her bottom lip with her index finger. She was very cute when she was thinking, but what she could be thinking scared me slightly. She said she wanted this to work out, and yet I couldn't shake the feeling that at the first sign of trouble she'd run… my thoughts paused as a new one popped in: or was that me?

It didn't take long to decide that the feeling was for me, not her. I was scared, and I didn't want to hurt her, not that she would let me. I found myself worrying that I would try to cut and run, like I had done once before.

What would I really do?

"Castle?" I looked up, not realizing I had turned my head to the floor, and found Kate standing in the back of the elevator, her brow knitted up in concern and I offered a smile.

"Sorry," I said and stepped in, going to the opposite corner. She gave me an odd look before reaching out and hitting the button for my floor. I knew that look, she was wondering what was wrong. I couldn't hide how that last thought had really stuck me. I wished I could say to her that I would be by her forever, no matter what, even if she hated me, but in the end I can't say that with complete confidence. That I couldn't pissed me off. I wanted this. I wanted her and I'd do anything to keep her happy.

"Okay, you're starting to worry me." I looked up, and found her only a foot away. "Tell me what's wrong. Please?"

Please. Hearing Kate say please made my stomach drop. It was the way she said it, the worry and care in it. The Kate I met years ago would never say please to me like that, and yet this wasn't the Kate I had met so long ago. She was different now, better in many ways which was really saying something. Then again, maybe she had always been this way, she just only showed it to those she was close to. I had only gotten to see Detective Kate Beckett, and I was quickly finding out that Kate Beckett could be very different in some ways.

"Nothing major," I said with a shrug, hoping that would be enough. It wasn't.

"Castle, tell me."

I smiled faintly at her and ran a hand through my hair. "Just the normal first date jitters. They're a little worse because this first date has gone to hell for the most part."

"I've enjoyed myself so far." Kate said, leaning back on the wall, her body relaxed against the pseudo wood.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she said and shifted herself so that she could lay her head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. "It didn't start off well, but it's quickly gone better. Signing books at a major book store has been the best first date I've had."

"To be honest, I had a blast too… especially before we started signing books." I said and saw a slight hint of red show on her cheeks and she dropped her head, smiling with thin lips.

"I liked that part too."

"Hope I get to see a repeat of it at some point."

She shrugged. "Maybe, if you're good."

The doors opened and I recognized my floor by the small picture that hung on the opposite wall from the elevator. It was a picture of a fruit basket who's contents had spilled over and onto the white sheet, being led by a pair of cherries. I always thought it a weird addition to the otherwise Art-Deco style of the place, until the one night coming home last October after I smelled the conditioner in Kate's hair. Cherries. From then on it made me smile just slightly every time the elevator doors opened. It did the same this time and Kate must've followed my eyes as we stepped out into the hall.

"Like that picture?"

"It's grown on me," I said and led her down the hall and to the door of my apartment. The frosted glass on the side showed only darkness and I guessed Alexis had headed to bed already, or she fell asleep on the couch, either was a possibility. I fished for my keys and found them at the bottom of my right pocket and unlocked the door as quietly as I could.

The loft was pitch black except for a solid color of blue off to my right. The TV had gone to a blank screen, the movie long since finished. Laying on the couch was Alexis bundled up in a blanket, her head nestled into the pillow. I walked over to her and whispered her name, but no sound came from her other than slow, steady breathing. She was asleep.

"I guess she tried to stay up." Kate said softly from beside me. "Probably afraid I'd kill you."

"Not exactly an unwarranted fear." I said with a small laugh as I rounded the couch and bent down next to Alexis. I loved watching her sleep, watching her safe and warm under the covers and having only her dreams for company. It was one of my favorite things to do whenever I felt down or worried.

I reached out and slid my arms gently under her and lifted her up off the couch. She made a drowsy protest; a mumble of words that I couldn't make out but it made me smile all the same. I looked down to her and she moved her face into my shoulder, trying to fall back asleep.

God, she was getting big. I gave a small grunt as I adjusted my hands to better support her and pulled away from the couch, the blanket coming with us. Kate grabbed the trailing blanket and wrapped it around Alexis so I wouldn't trip, and followed me as I carried Alexis up to bed. It was so much easier when she was ten, and on a couple of steps I was afraid I might drop her, but I somehow managed.

The stairs were the same as the rest of the loft, but memory served where eyes could not and I followed it to her bedroom, careful not to hit the doorway as I took her in. Alexis's room was lit gently by streetlights and my eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness so I had no trouble navigating her room, especially because Alexis was the neatest teenager ever.

I laid her on the bed and she rolled toward me and buried her head into her pillow, a small sigh escaping her. I brushed away the strands of red hair that had fallen into her face. She was still asleep which was surprising considering the move, but she always was a slightly heavy sleeper. Reaching over her I pulled the covers up and over her shoulders and placed a kiss to her temple before backing away.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," I said and I heard a mumbled in reply as Alexis rolled over.

"Wow," I heard Kate whisper next to me and I turned to look over.

"She's amazing, isn't she?" I said reaching out and grasping the door.

"She is, and I'm a little surprised."

"About what?"

"Just… seeing you like that. It's something that I never saw really. The father-side of Castle. I got glimpses here and there, but this was different."

I considered saying something smart, but decided against it. "I'm a father first, before anything else. Even writing." I said and gently pushed Kate back as I closed the door as silently as I could. "Thanks though."

"For?"

"For helping with the blanket." I found her hand next to mind and led her down the hall and back toward the stairs.

"Um, sure," she said in the most unsure voice I'd ever heard from her. I didn't say anymore until we were in the kitchen and I had her sitting on the other side of the counter while I raided the fridge for something good to eat. A minute later I had the left over Chicken Alfredo in the microwave cooking and I stood across from Kate.

"Did I mention I was sorry?"

"You did." She said, resting her head on a hand. "Did I mention I was sorry?"

"For what?"

She looked away from me and to the wall to her right, seeming to buy time to work out what exactly to say. A moment passed and she turned back to me. "For how I've been acting."

"It's almost midnight and I've signed a lot of books so my brain isn't working too well tonight, can you elaborate?"

She shook her head, dropped her hands to the counter and reached out, stretching. "Remember when you first came back? The crime scene?"

I cringed. I remembered it all right, not so much the crime scene but everyone against me from the word Go. How she arrested me without letting me explain and hauled me into the interrogation room and then tried her best to rip me apart. She treated me like any other criminal and acted like she didn't know me anymore. I was just some guy standing over a body with a gun. Okay, it sounds bad and maybe she acted as she should, but after the whole thing with Demming it hurt a bit more than it otherwise would.

Then the gun that killed the woman I knew came back as not mine, and so I was off the hook— and off the case. I don't think I'll forget what she said to me then, and how she said it. I should have understood then that my leaving had hurt her so much, and the not calling or getting in touch put the lid on her feelings for me.

"You do…" she said and I gave a small nod. "That's what I'm sorry about, I shouldn't have been treating you like that. You had no obligation to come back… other than saying you would, but I get it, you're a busy guy."

"That's not why I didn't come back right away." I said, and then went over to the microwave as it beeped three times, one after another. It could have waited but I needed to buy time, time to try to put into words my reasons for staying away, and I found it harder than I thought it would be.

"Why then?"

"I wanted to come back, I had even planned on it when I left but as the time drew closer I kept finding excuses to put it off. The book, the movie, a book tour. I didn't want to intrude."

She laughed. "Since when?"

"Since you were happy." I said dishing out servings and carried the plates around the counter. I sat one in front of her before taking the stool beside her. No one spoke for a few moments and I just started to stab at the chicken and noodles, finding my hunger gone. The memories of that day had made my stomach sink.

"I wasn't."

I looked up from my plate and found her with her hands on either side of the dish and looking into the depth of noodles. She seemed lost in thought.

"Wasn't?" I asked.

"Happy." She finally looked over. "Ask Ryan and Esposito, they all saw it. Hell, they were even nice enough to keep from saying your name around me. You hurt them too you know…" I nodded and she seemed to take it for an answer. She suddenly smiled but it was a sad one. "Every time the phone rang I hoped it'd be you on the other end. I'd pick up the phone, hold my breath for a moment and say 'Beckett' and then hold my breath again as I waited for an answer. It was never you though. No matter how much I wished it was."

"Why didn't you call me then if you wanted to hear from me?"

"You were with Gina, plus you said you'd be back in the fall. I assumed if there was a problem you'd at least call me and let me know… not just leave me out in the cold."

"You didn't call me because of Gina?"

She shrugged and picked up her fork, twirling a few noodles around it. "Partly."

"Why do you think I didn't call?"

"I dunno."

"Think about it, I know you'll get it." I said and forced myself to take a bite of the noodles and chicken even if it was one of the last things I wanted to do. My taste buds exploded and I licked my lips after I swallowed, amazed at what I was tasting. It was better then any restaurant Chicken Alfredo I've ever had. My hunger was suddenly back.

"Demming?" She asked finally and I gave a solemn nod. "He's what kept you from calling?"

"Same way Gina kept you from calling." I paused for a moment, debating if I should really say what was running through my head. Finally I decided to go for it. "You know, I never would have guessed you'd care that I was gone at that time."

"What? Why do you say that?" She said around a mouth full of food, her fork an inch away from her mouth.

"Well, since I started you've been looking for ways to get rid of me, and then with Demming you, like I said before, sidelined me. I thought I was just in the way, and you'd be happy I was out of your hair."

"Did nothing I said before you left with Gina stick?"

"Some of it did, but it still didn't click that you would be upset with me gone. Then again, I thought you were with Demming so…"

"I'd have been upset even if I was still with Demming."

"No you wouldn't." I said with a small laugh and stabbed at a piece of chicken. I looked over to her when I heard her fork clatter to the plate. She had turned to me, her brows knitted up and she swallowed hard.

"Castle, don't you get it?" She said and my eyes went searching the room as if the answer was somewhere out in the darkness. "You don't." She sighed and reached out, touching my cheek for a moment to bring my attention back to her. "You've become one of my best friends. I've spent more time with you than any boyfriend I've ever had, talked to you more and shared more of my past. Demming maybe had my attention, but if you were in trouble, if you had needed me I'd have been right beside you, because we're friends."

"Friends zone." I said before I could stop myself and I squinted at the words as they left my mouth. She didn't get angry, instead she smiled and it creeped my out slightly because it felt like it was hiding something.

"At the time, maybe, but only because I forced you into that 'zone'. I've never thought of you as just a friend. Don't get me wrong, Demming is great, any girl would be lucky to have him, he just wasn't… what I was looking for. Neither was Josh. I kind of think I started dating Josh as a replacement for you in some ways."

"He's nothing like me." I said, offended. Josh wasn't a bad guy, just a little… cocky I guess is the word, and a bit too perfect.

Her face finally lit up and she laughed. "He's more like you than you know, and so is Demming. The problem came in that they were both extremes."

"So, am I not in the friends zone?" I asked, finishing off my plate and turned to her. She leaned forward, her eyes on me and then the next thing I knew her lips were on mine. I had my eyes open for a moment in surprise but slowly fell into the kiss, her lips moving against mine, and I could taste the tang of the sauce from the pasta on them. It wasn't as deep, or as hot as the kiss at the bookstore, but it had meaning. Lots of it. In spades.

She pulled away after a moment, hooded eyes looking up at me. "Does that answer you question?"

"Hey, friends kiss sometimes."

"I'm not sleeping with you just to prove that you're out of the friends zone."

"Can't blame a guy for trying, can you?"

"Yes," she said, her face serious for only a moment before breaking out in a small laugh. She went to pick up her fork again but I reached out and grabbed her hand, turning her to me. She had a curious look on her face and I didn't answer it. Instead I kissed her again, quickly, even as the butterflies in my stomach wanted me not to.

"So, about that movie," I said after a moment and to keep myself from lunging at her again.

"Wha—" The sound of a ringing phone came from her pocket and I looked down to her hip as she did the same. She gave a small groan and pulled her phone from the pocket, reading the caller id. "The station," she said and frowned, her thumb hovering over the answer button.

"You better get that." I said nodding to it, trying to hide my disappointment.

"Yeah… sorry," she said and looked it. She tossed her hair away from her ear and placed the phone to it. "Beckett."

I reached over and picked up her plate along with mine and made my way over to the sink. I couldn't sit there because I knew if I did she'd be able to tell how disappointed I was that she was leaving. Would it really be that bad though? I doubted she was too happy about it either, but I did't want to act needy or something like that. Still, our timing sucked.

"Okay, I'll be there in fifteen minutes, give or take." I heard her say and I turned around, resting the palms of my hand on the sink. She looked at the phone, her thumb still on the end call button. She gnawed on her inner lip as she lifted her head to look at me.

"Another murder," She said and I nodded, expecting nothing less. "Found in the park, in a tree."

"Déjà vu?" I said, and she stood up dropping the phone back into her pocket, still frowning.

"Seems like it, care to come along?" I couldn't miss the hope in her voice and was sorry that I had to say no.

"Sorry, can't."

"How come?"

I looked up to the ceiling toward where Alexis was sleeping and I heard Kate say, "Right, sorry, I understand."

"She'll be worried when she gets up tomorrow, and I want to make sure she's okay. I would go, but—"

"It's fine, Castle. I get it, completely." She forced a smile. "Anyway, I had a great time tonight with you."

"And I with you, don't forget I still owe you."

"How so?"

I pushed off the sink and came up to the counter, standing opposite of her. "This wasn't the date I was planning on, even though it was probably better in some ways. I still owe you a real date."

"Oh? When did I say we'd have a second date?" God, I hoped she was playing with me, but her face gave nothing away. She turned away and walked to where I had hung her coat.

"Back at the bookstore, you —"

"Calm down, Castle, I'm kidding." She said, throwing her arms into her jacket. "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked coming back over as I rounded the counter. I gave a nod and bent my head toward her and gave her a small kiss; a goodbye, sweet and short.

"I'll be by early." I said and she gave me a small wave before leaving out the door, closing it behind her softly. I was left alone in the darkness of the kitchen, wondering if I had dreamed the last few hours. Considering how it went I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case and tomorrow she wouldn't even talk to me because I stood her up. Yet, her scent was still in the air, still on my clothes and there were two real plates sitting in the sink with a small pool of water in them.

It wasn't a dream and just to make sure I smacked myself hard across the left cheek. It hurt so that was a good sign. So, it really did happen and I really did kiss Kate… four times. After a few years of dancing we were finally moving forward. I never actually thought the day would come, but it had.

I wasn't going to be able to sleep at all.

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><p>As always a Star sized thanks to ChrisS for beta reading this!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **I really have nothing new to say... I know, I suck and just not creative today, lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

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><p>Chapter Seven<p>

It was freezing as I stood out in the middle of Central Park, and I shivered in my leather jacket while staring up into the second tree of the week. It was another guy, this one younger than the last, but Lanie said he was killed the same, two gunshots to the back. I didn't like having a killer out there who murdered people in the park. It meant he was bold and likely clever enough to not leave anything really behind.

"You got here fast." I turned to Lanie who was walking over with a clipboard in her hand. She was wearing jeans and a light fall coat. She looked as cold as I felt. "Not too busy with writer boy?"

"Didn't get that far, and it wouldn't tonight," I said and frowned. I didn't like the idea of leaving when I did, but it probably kept things from moving too far too fast. The kissing was enough… for now.

"That's too bad, you look like you need it."

"Lanie." I said, embarrassment and anger rushing through me.

"Just calling it like I see it, girl. It might take the edge off, you know."

"Okay… and we're done with this conversation." I could feel my cheeks redden and Lanie laughed. "Is it the same killer?"

"Looks like it. So how was the date?"

"Can we not just focus on work?"

"You're kidding right? Come on, spill or do I have to beat it out of you? Don't think I won't."

I sighed. There was no way to get out of telling her, and she wouldn't let me put it off especially since she was over while I was getting ready. She seemed almost as nervous as I was, probably because she was worried that Castle would screw it all up, and her fears were almost founded.

"It was nice, not exactly what I was expecting at all."

"Where'd you go?"

"To a bookstore," I said and smiled at the confused look on her face.

"Okay, I'm gonna need some more details, and start from the beginning."

So I did and told her everything that happened, from the talk with Alexis to the dinner of microwaved Chicken Alfredo. Stumbling when I brought up the kiss in the bookstore, but Lanie just raised her eyebrows and smiled. I finished with a small sigh.

"You were signing books?"

I nodded. "Yeah, lots of them. It was pretty surreal, but awesome at the same time."

"Damn," Lanie said, a dreamy look on her face and I snapped my fingers in front of her. "Sorry, going out again?"

"I think so."

"Well, after kissing like you did in the bookstore I'd be surprised if he didn't insist on a second one, especially as you left him hanging."

"Okay, Lanie, enough already," I said chuckling and pressed a hand to the side of my face to try to hold in the laugh. "You're as bad as Ryan and Esposito."

"You tell them?"

"Good God no, and neither will you. Remember, you promised."

"What's the harm now? The date went well enough."

"Just don't, okay? I'm not ready for everyone to know. It's one date, there is still lots of time for him to screw this up, or for me to. Besides there are other reasons to keep it quiet at the moment." I said, feeling the familiar fear gnaw at my insides. "I'll tell them when I'm ready to."

"Tell us what?" I turned around to see Esposito and Ryan making their way toward us. Esposito's eyes were jumping between me and Lanie and I prayed that he didn't hear anything other than the last part.

"That you two need to help the uniforms get the body out of the tree." I said, making up something on the spot. "Did you get anything from the guy who found the vic?"

"Yeah, a description of a guy running away from the tree when our witness came around the corner on the footpath. He says he got a good look at the guy's face as he ran past the lamp." Esposito said, now eyeing me as if to see if my face gave away what I had been talking about. I blanked my expression the best I could and gave a small nod.

"All right, get his phone number and address and see if he'll come in tomorrow and sit with a sketch artist."

"Already done," Ryan said, smiling and handed me a small piece of paper. "He'll be in at eight tomorrow."

"Sounds good."

"Hey, where's Castle? I figured after being at the first one he'd want in on this too." Esposito said, he turned in place looking around as if Castle was hiding.

Lanie looked over at me, trying to hide a smile and I just shook my head. This was going to be tough to keep things quiet, especially with Lanie knowing. I didn't think she would tell anyone on purpose, but she had been known to let things slip from time to time. I was more worried about being found out just by Ryan and Esposito guessing. Esposito already heard me on the phone once (and got a swift punch to the arm for it), but it wouldn't take long for him to figure it out if he wanted to look into it.

"He's at home, probably asleep."

"Doubt that," Lanie said and I sent a glare her way which sent her back to the tree.

"Did you call him?"

"Yeah, he didn't pick up and I couldn't care less."

"She's still mad at him?" Ryan asked Esposito as if I wasn't even there.

"And here, I thought they were getting along again."

"I'm still here guys, talk to me instead of acting like I left."

"Sorry." They both said in unison and looked back to me.

"Good. Give the uniforms a hand closing off the scene until Lanie is ready to get the body down." I said, thrusting a thumb over my shoulder to the lit up tree. They both groaned, apparently thinking I had been kidding about it before. I was, but their little exchange made me decide to do it. They pushed past me, grumbling as they went and I turned with them to look at our John in a tree.

It was a different tree this time, this one also was split in a Y half way up. The John was wedged into it to the point that it looked like it'd break a few bones. It didn't make any sense though. The park has people in it twenty-four hours a day, and yet only one guy saw something? Hard to believe, but then again it was New York and I didn't expect too many good samaritans to be around. One was a lucky break, and I hoped it would pay out.

I made my way to the tree and hoisted myself up on a branch to get a better look. This tree had thicker branches on the bottom than the last and I balanced myself on one, looking over the body.

"Okay, Monkey Girl, you fall out of there I'm not patching you up." Lanie said, moving a ladder over so she could climb up to the front of the body. I offered a smile as I pulled on a pair of gloves and checked the back pockets.

"I was a kid once, I've climbed a lot of trees in my time."

"Yeah, but you're thirty now, balance starts to go about that time."

"Stop it, Lanie." I said pulling out keys from the left pocket. I began to leaf through them. A key to a Ford, another to a Chevy, probably a truck, and two keys that looked to be house keys or some such. Nothing too strange about them. I handed them over to Lanie who dropped them into an evidence bag. She was checking out his face, probably to make sure it was the gunshots that did him in. Looking at them now I had no doubt that they were the culprit.

I checked the right pocket and didn't find a wallet which was not a good thing. Though it did suggest robbery, considering the wallet was taken from the first vic as well. Then again, this was staged, so a robbery motive was pretty unlikely, the killer probably just wanted to make it harder to ID the John. Wouldn't be the first time.

"Man, feeling up a dead guy," I looked down to see Esposito standing just below as I dug deeper into the pocket. "Is there no decency left in the world?"

"Funny that, a dead guy gets more action than you do, Esposito." I said, just before my fingers touched a piece of paper at the bottom. A ticket stub by the feel of it and a coin under that. I pulled them out and my guess was right. "Paranormal Activity 2," I said, looking down to Esposito "It's from tonight, ten p.m."

"Well, that gives us a beginning of a timeline at least. What theater?"

"Ziegfeld, over on West 54th," I said and handed the ticket stub down to him. "Might be something we want to check out if we can't find an ID."

"Me and Ryan could go check it out."

I laughed. "Yeah, sure, I won't see you guys for couple of hours if I let you two go. No, I'll take a look tomorrow morning."

"Ryan's right, you are a killjoy." He said and handed the ticket back up to me. "Are you done? Since we have to help get this guy down I'd like to get it over with."

"Almost," I said and turned away from him. I held up the coin so that the light from below would hit it. It was a fifty cent piece with Lady Liberty on it. I'm still amazed by the detail that went into some coins. I flipped it over, but didn't see anything special about it and so put it together with the stub and turned to Lanie.

"Lanie, can you give me a bag for this?" She nodded and fished one out of her pocket and I dropped the stub and coin in, signing the bag with my name and badge number, as well as the time. That done I stuffed the bag in my jacket pocket and pulled off the gloves before dropping down from the branch as gracefully as I could. I landed a little rough, didn't fall over or hurt myself amazingly enough. I clapped my hands together to clear the bark and dirt from them and looked over to see Lanie watching me and shaking her head.

"Girl, you're crazy."

"I'm beginning to think so myself." I said and Lanie just closed her eyes as if she couldn't stand me agreeing and pursed her lips.

"It's been a long time coming, enjoy it why don't you?" She came down off the ladder and made her way over to me after telling the few uniforms that were standing around that they could get the John down. I looked over to see my two detectives moving slowly as if about to go do chores and I suddenly felt a bit bad about making them help. Then I remembered how they were acting and the feeling left.

"Look, sweetie, you need to give him a shot. You said it yourself, you had a great time, better than you expected. You didn't bitch once about Castle and his ego, you just went on and on about the great time you had, and isn't that what matters? He makes you happy, you can't just go into this expecting it to fail. If you do I promise you it will because you won't be able to forgive the small mistakes that you're both bound to make."

I smiled, shaking my head and Lanie gave me a curious look. "What?"

"He said something a lot like that. I dunno Lanie, it's just hard to look past it all, you know?"

"I know, Kate, believe me, I know. But listen, Castle may seem like some big bad playboy, but how many girls do you know he's been with? I can think of three off the top of my head in the past two and half years… not exactly Millionaire Playboy like, is it?"

"Well, there's his two ex-wives… right there that's a bad sign. Then there was Kyra, which I guess is a plus one in his column since she left him and it didn't end badly in the general sense. A bit like Will and me I guess. Then there was Ellie, and then he went out with my best friend from High school… still not okay with that."

Lanie broke out in a chuckle and talked through it. "Come on, you're telling me you expected him to pass up the chance to get some real information on your past?"

"You're saying he went out with her to get to know me?" She nodded. "That makes no sense, why didn't he just ask?"

"Honey, have you hit your head? You're the most guarded person I've ever met. You wouldn't tell him anything unless he pulled it out of you with the jaws of life."

I frowned at the thought. He was going behind my back to find out about my past and I wasn't sure how I really felt about that. Then again, I couldn't expect much less from Castle considering his record with dealing with boundaries. "Okay, that still makes three, four if you count Gina twice. Oh and below the fold girl, so five."

"Wow… really, Kate? That's low for a single guy, especially one of Castle's status."

"It's more than me, and I didn't sleep with every guy I've dated." I said, feeling a bit defensive. Was I really blowing this out of proportion?

"Is it? Let's see, there was Will, twice if we go by what I heard, and then Brad, Tom, and Josh, that ex-trainer guy which you still haven't told me about. That's the same as him if we take Maddy out because that wasn't really a date and your ex-trainer. And, you can't tell me you didn't sleep with Tommy boy and Dr. Josh."

I went to argue with her but only small sounds escaped my mouth so I closed it and gave a huff. "Uh-huh… that's what I thought."

"That's just what we know of." I said once I found my voice again.

"I could say the same about you." She said and I felt caught suddenly. Maybe I wasn't really looking at things logically. We weren't dating, so it's none of my business, and honestly I don't want to know how many women he was with. I just didn't want to be another number with him. There were lot's more women in his past if I took what he said at face value, and yet what I've seen hasn't proved that out. If I look at the facts Lanie seemed more and more right in her judgement. How did I miss it?

"You want my opinion? I think he stopped most of his flinging around when he started working with you. That should tell you something pretty important."

"That he was too busy driving my up the wall?"

"That could be partly it, but I think he's liked you since he met you. Probably wanted you to be a fling at some point, because that was what he's been use to, but as time went on…" She shrugged. "I think he might of fallen in love with you. I don't think he really knows what to do about it, sweetie, he's probably more scared than you are. Kyra sounded like his first true love, and Meredith and Gina were part love, part good idea at the time, if you catch my drift."

"When did you become an expert on Castle?"

"I'm not, that's you. I'm just not blinded by UST."

"UST?"

"Really?" She said, her brows raised and I did the same back to her. "You two have so much unresolved sexual tension that it could probably hold up a bridge across the Atlantic."

I laughed, though I didn't really want to. "Maybe, but I still have a lot questions."

"If you didn't, I'd be worried about you." Lanie said and reached out, squeezed my hand. "Just try not to be too blunt about it."

"I'm not Castle, I can be smooth at times."

"Sure you can. Take it easy and let him explain before you jump to conclusions, huh?"

"We'll see," I said, raising my shoulders up against a chill of wind that made my entire upper body tense and shiver, the smell of dead leaves traveled along with it.

I turned to find Ryan and Esposito up on ladders, their faces red from the wind. With the two of them and three others they got the John out of the tree and Lanie left me to check the places she couldn't before. I stood there thinking over what she had said. She was more worried about Rick than me, and it seemed almost backwards. Still, what she said made sense, and I hadn't seen it before. Hell, Demming had been with a good number of girls too, (a detail I wasn't too glad to know), and yet Rick, the supposed playboy was with five that I knew about in a little over two years.

Maybe Lanie was right.

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><p>As always, a internet sized thanks to ChrisS for beta reading this.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

I stopped at a coffee shop on my way to the station, it was the only reason I didn't beat Kate there. I came out of the elevator just as she took off her jacket and laid it over the back of her chair. She didn't notice me, her mind elsewhere, probably thinking about the case. I hoped so because I found myself pretty damn curious if it could be the same killer. It'd be more interesting if it was.

I quieted my footsteps the closer I got, giving a small wave to Ryan who looked at me in a bit of a daze. Esposito didn't look much better. I had just the thing for them.

"Here," I whispered as I pulled out one of the cups from the cardboard tray. I sat it down in the middle of Ryan's desk and he sat up, smiling.

"Gee, thanks—" I pressed a finger to my lips, telling him to be quiet. He took the hint and I looked over to Kate's desk. She had her face buried in a file, her eyes drooping slightly as if it was the most boring thing she had ever read. Did she read my stuff like that? I shook the thought from my head and pulled a second cup and handed it over to Esposito who nodded a thanks.

That done I headed toward my seat, trying to be as quiet as I could about it. I wanted to surprise her, but then Kate was never one for surprises.

"Morning, Castle." She said when I was two feet from my chair. She looked up, brushing a bit of hair back behind her ear and smiled at me. "I hope one of those are for me, I could use it."

"Of course, but it comes with a condition."

"Oh, and that would be?" She asked sitting back in her chair, the fingers of her right hand pulled slowly at a wrinkle in her shirt. Her chin came down against her collar bone and she looked at me expectantly. "Hope it's not what I think it is."

"Depends… are you thinking it's that you need to tell me everything you found out last night?"

"No, wasn't thinking that." She said, and I pulled the cup from the holder and waved it in front of her. She let her eyelids drop a bit as the aroma wafted from the cup, and I couldn't help but notice how sexy that image was.

I swallowed hard and brought the cup back toward me. "So, what did you find?"

"How was Alexis this morning?" She knew she had this over on me, she could get coffee from the break-room, I could only get information from her. I frowned and sat down in my chair, placed the cup on the desk and pulled the last one out for me.

"She's good, glad I was still alive." I took a small sip from the cup and almost wanted to spit it back out. Too much vanilla. I swallowed it and made a face as I looked at the cup. "Looks like I got yours," I said and switched the cups.

"Great, now I have your germs all over the top."

"You weren't complaining before," I whispered over and her eyes opened fully.

"Don't do that here." She said and picked up the cup, looked at it.

"Do what?"

"Talk about last night and stuff. Remember, they're not suppose to know yet." She pointed with her pen over to the two detective who sat at the other end of the bullpen. Both sipped their coffees, slowly waking up. "You didn't tell Alexis about what happened last night, did you?"

"That we kissed?"

"Shhh!" She fixed me with a glare and I shrunk back into my seat. This was going to be tougher than I thought.

"Sorry. No, I didn't tell her." I said. "You know it's not like we broke into Fort Knox or something, what's the harm with them finding out?"

"Other than the jokes, the remarks? The entire precinct knowing in about an hour?"

"Well, yeah, besides all that."

"How about that you could be forced to stop shadowing me?"

My mouth must have dropped open because she reached over and tapped my chin and my teeth clicked. The idea hadn't even occurred to me, and yet it seemed so obvious now. I wouldn't be able to shadow her if we became an item, unless I really pushed, and even then it might not work. It was a risk to have two people in a relationship and working together on a police force. Emotions clouded judgement. Then again… they already did with us.

"You really think they'd do that?"

She shrugged. "I dunno, the only reason I could get Tom in on cases was that he was already a cop. They could have made us not work together but didn't for some reason. I don't know what would happen with us, and I'm not in much of a hurry to find out."

I nodded. I wasn't either, and yet I wanted things to keep moving forward and this could easily stall it. "So, what do we if things work out? Live two different lives? They're bound to figure it out, everyone here does solve mysteries everyday."

She took a sip from her coffee, obviously trying to buy time. "I don't know. We can figure it out when we get to that point."

"Kate Beckett without a plan? That's a new one."

"You're rubbing off on me, I guess." She said with a smirk. "Anyway, you up for a trip to a theater?"

"A second date already?"

"Castle."

"Right… what theater?"

"You'll find out when I finish my coffee and we leave," she said and leaned back, smiling against the lid as she took a long sip from it. I laughed, swirling my coffee around in my cup and glad that we weren't at each others throats and that I hadn't dreamed everything from last night. Well, some things I did dream, but I doubted Kate would appreciate it if she knew what those things were.

"No bickering? No yelling? Did someone call a ceasefire?" I turned to see Esposito standing in front of Kate's desk, his arms folded in front of him.

"What's it to you, Esposito?" Kate asked, setting her cup down a bit too hard, and it shifted slightly from the motion of the coffee. "Don't you have some work to do?"

"Down, Beckett, down," he said motioning with his hands like you would with a dog. I saw Kate's chin cock to the side. He was walking a thin line. "I just wanted to say that I'm glad you two worked things out again. Was getting a bit annoying there for a bit."

"Who said we worked anything out? He brought me coffee so I was being nice. He's still being just as annoying as always." She looked over to me, and there was a softness in her face that kept the little jab from stinging much.

"You know, you really need to give him a break," Esposito said, and pointed over to me. "So he didn't call the minute he got back. He didn't get in touch with any of us, and Ryan and I are over it. Is there another reason you could be a little annoyed with him? He did stick around when you were with that Josh guy." The last bit was said with a little anger and I got the feeling that Esposito didn't like that she never mentioned the guy before he showed up.

I cringed and sucked air through my teeth. I appreciated that he was trying to stick up for me, but this was going down a bad road, one with a cliff at the end for everyone.

"Sorry, I'm not going to just forgive him because he let me win a few games in Angel and Gladden."

"It's Halo and Madden," Esposito hissed and I nearly fell out of my chair as I tried to keep the laugh in. It was getting painful and I didn't know how much longer I could hold it. "And he didn't let us win, did you, bro?" I shook my head no, keeping my head down. Tears were beginning to burn at the edges of my eyes.

"Whatever," Kate said with a wave of her hand, and I could see the smallest of a smile on her lips. "It doesn't matter what stupid game it was, it doesn't work the same for me."

"Sure, okay, but seriously, you need to let it go if you want things around here to get back to normal."

"I'll take it under advisement, Doctor Phil."

"That's Doctor Philippe to you, Miss," He said, placing his hands on his waist and I lost it. A howl of laughter escaped me as my eyes watered. Through the tears I could see Kate was looking at me, her fingers against her bottom lip as she smiled at me, laughing. Esposito was cracking up as well, I think more at me than what he said, and I heard the telltale 'ha' from Ryan who was still across the room.

I got myself somewhat under control after a few moments. Esposito left, and went back to his desk and I was left with Kate who shook her head in disbelief at me.

"It's wasn't that funny."

"Yeah… yeah it was," I said fighting against another bout of laughter. "Angel and Gladden… oh God." I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm down. It didn't work very well considering each time I stopped laughing Kate would give a small giggle that sent me off again. My head was starting to hurt from it.

"All right. All right, stop. We need to get going, okay?" Kate said before she reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled on it. She released just as quickly, realizing what she did and the laughter faded. "You ready or what?"

I nodded. "Yeah, lets get out of here." I stood up, she picked up her jacket from her chair and I followed her over to Ryan's desk.

"We're heading out to the theater. I want you two to check around the park again, just to see if we missed anything."

"You serious? There isn't going to be anything left there now."

Kate shrugged, and I had the feeling that this was payback. I made a mental note not to piss her off anytime soon. "Still, take a look. We'll stop by after we talk to the manager. If we're lucky we'll get an ID somehow." She gave them a small wave and walked away. I stood back a bit and they both looked at me like I had something to do with it. Maybe in away I did, but it wasn't my fault she took her frustration out on them.

Outside I got into her car and relaxed back in the seat. I wanted to kiss her, or at least touch her, but the words she had said back at her desk were still fresh in my mind and the worry they caused was consuming. I'm not a fan of secrets, sure in writing they're great, they make the reader want to keep reading, but in real life they caused problems. I almost wished I never suggested the idea of keeping us a secret, but if I hadn't Kate would have. She knew this world better than I, which was why she remembered the general rule with work and relationships. I was worrying about the effect it would have on us and the only thing that kept me somewhat sane was that she said when it happens, not if.

"Castle?"

I turned to her, she had her head straight, watching the road even though we were stopped by traffic. "What?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot… well not literally, but… you know what I mean." Her expression didn't budge and I reached out and touched her hand, it was shivering oh-so slightly. She moved her fingers from underneath mine, not once looking over and I dropped my hand.

"It's kind of personal…"

"Kate, ask, if I can answer it I will. Scouts honor."

"You need a new 'I promise' phrase." This time she did look over, but there was no happiness behind her eyes. She breathed in deeply and then let it out, her fingers squeezing the steering wheel and I suddenly felt my stomach drop in worry. Something was telling me this wouldn't be a question I'd want to answer and I turned to look out the window, unable to face it. "What happened with your ex-wives?"

I sighed into the window causing it to cloud up slightly. I'd actually been waiting for this question, and yet at the same time hoped it'd never come about. It's was a foolish hope. What didn't happen with Meredith and Gina? That'd probably be an easier place to start, but it wouldn't make Kate happy.

"Rick?"

"Lots of things," I said trying to get my thoughts straight. I didn't want to lie to her, and so I actually had to think about all that happened to keep from doing so. It was too easy to make myself out to be the victim, and it wasn't entirely true. The marriages failed by actions of both of us.

"Such as?" The car jerked forward and I went with it, smacking my head into the headrest of the chair. It was a little hot in the car and I wished the theater was closer.

"It's tough to start somewhere, especially with Gina. Meredith cheated on me and ran away with the guy. I guess you could call that my fault, or her fault… I lean mostly to her fault. Things were a little rocky with Meredith from the beginning. After Kyra I just, I dunno, I wasn't really looking for the same kind of girl anymore."

"What kind of girl were you looking for?" She asked, slowing down. The light was still green and it changed to yellow just as we got to the line. She didn't go through.

"Oh come on, you're doing that on purpose." I said, pointing to the light and she just held out her hands.

"Following the traffic laws, Rick. I am an officer."

"Since when did they follow traffic laws?"

"You were talking about Meredith and Kyra."

I really wished she would let me drive sometimes. "Right, and I'm not sure but Meredith seemed to fit the bill. I had a blast with her and she was completely different from Kyra, she was a no strings attached kind of girl and I think I forgot that when we got married."

"Why did you get married?"

"I loved her, or at least I thought I did. I guess I still do in someways. I was already thinking about it when she told me she was pregnant with Alexis. That pretty much sealed it then. Things were great, she was little more wild when she was pregnant, but nothing I couldn't handle." I sighed and ran a hand along the back of my neck. Trying to think how best to continue.

"Then Alexis was born, God it seems like yesterday in someways. From there things went down hill. Meredith is a great, caring person but she was not much of a mom. She didn't want to deal too much with the whole baby thing, changing diapers and such. When it got to be too much in the later years she took off with someone who was more 'fun,' I guess."

"She seriously left you alone with Alexis?" Kate said. I noticed we were finally moving again.

"Like I said, she was a bit wild. It worked out though, I got to spend a lot of time with Alexis, being there for her, and watching her grow up. I was, like you put it before, Mr. Mom and I loved every damn minute of it."

"So, what happened with Gina?" She asked, and I felt like this wound was going to bleed me dry. Telling her about Meredith was hard enough, Gina was an entirely different matter, one I wasn't completely ready to delve into just yet. My luck panned out though because as Kate turned onto West 54th I could see the front marquee of the theater which I pointed out to her.

"And we're here, guess twenty questions are over."

"For now, but there is the ride back." She said smirking.

"Oh joy."

I got out of the car the same time she did. Outside I was greeted by the smell of burning leaves and burnt popcorn. Fall time at the movie theater. I slammed the door closed and took a look upwards to keep from meeting Kate's eyes and found clouds rushing by. I had the feeling it'd be raining by the time we came back out, and I wasn't looking forward to squishy jeans.

The theater was open but looked empty. The girl at the ticket booth sat reading the latest Cosmo, probably trying to pass the time by reading the sex tips from the looks of it. Kate moved to the ticket both, flashed her badge and Booth Girl just stared at it, slowly closing the magazine.

"I'd like to speak to your manger." Kate said, hooking her badge back on her hip.

"So would I," Booth Girl said and sat down on the stole that was placed in the middle of the small booth. "Haven't seen him since early this morning, probably taking a long lunch like normal."

"It's like, what?" I looked down at my watch, "Nine in the morning, that's a brunch not a lunch."

Booth Girl shrugged.

"Were you working here last night?"

"Every friday night I park my ass here and give out tickets to loving couples. Makes me sick most of the time."

"Mhm," Kate said, glancing at me for a moment. "Can you look at a picture for us? Just to see if you recognize the guy."

"Is it a photo of a dead guy?"

"Yes, but it's not gruesome or anything."

"Damn, would have been better if it was. All right let's have it." Booth Girl held out her hand and motioned for the picture with her fingers, her many bracelets clicked together. Kate pulled the picture from her jacket pocket and slid it through the small half circle. Booth girl unrolled the paper and looked at it like she had read the Cosmo and I felt like we had already hit a dead end. Her eyes after a moment and then looked to Kate.

"Looks like Jason Rayner," she said, folding the picture again and shoved it back through. "He was here last night with some girl I never saw before."

"He come here a lot?"

"Every damn Friday, usually tries to get me to go home with him or something. The last couple of weeks though he's been with a different girl every time he came by. I dunno what happened, but the girls must've been high or something, or he found a ton of money to buy them with."

"Why do you say that?" Kate said, pulling out her notepad and I moved up next to her, trying to hear better.

"You've seen him. God, they'd have to be to date him. Some of the girls were as hot as you, some even more."

"Doubt that," I said before I could stop myself.

"Castle."

"Castle? Goddam, I thought I recognized you. You're freaking Richard Castle! I loved Naked Heat, I've read it twice so far. And that means this is that detective you're shadowing, goddam I can't believe this." She said and I had a feeling this wasn't going to end well. The feeling became stronger as she pulled out her phone, I'm sure to tweet or text about seeing us.

"Yeah, that's me," I said, pushing past Kate. "Hey, if you don't tweet about us being here I'll sign something for you."

"Really?" Booth Girl asked and she slid down the top of her phone slowly. "Can I tweet once you guys leave?"

I looked back to Kate and she shrugged, looking out at the street. "Sure, but not until we're long gone. We're working a case and you've helped us a bit, could you maybe help use a bit more?"

"I can try," Booth Girl said, dropping her phone into her purse and looked excitedly back at me. I have to admit that as annoying as being a celeb can sometimes be, it did come in handy sometimes. "What do you need from me?"

"Well, did Jason ever pay with a credit card?"

"Once I think, a while ago."

"Do you think you could give us a receipt so we can track him down?" I asked and before the girl could answer I felt Kate's thin fingers bite into my shoulder and I turned with them.

"What are you doing?" She said in a harsh whisper. "She can't legally give us that information without a warrant."

"He's not our killer so we won't have to use it for evidence, and besides you do want to find out who the guy is, don't you?" Her mouth went to work but nothing came out so I took that as a yes and turned back to Booth Girl. "So can you?"

"Sure, come inside with me." She went to the back of the booth and left out the door. A moment later she appeared at the double doors and she opened one and motioned us in. I went first, Kate walking slowly forward, clearly not happy that it was going this way but not about to stop it either.

Sometimes not being a cop made getting information easier. We walked into the foyer of the theater and I felt almost like I'd been transported back in time. The ceiling was arched with pillars going up on either side, and while the paint was peeling in most places it still somehow looked grand. There were a number of framed movie posters, most from the 1950s and such.

The smell of burnt popcorn was stronger here, as well as the smell of a hundred different kinds of snacks; the normal movie theater smells. In the distance there sounded like a movie was being played, and from the screams coming from the top of the steps I assumed it was horror.

I followed Booth Girl toward the snack bar where a young guy was sitting, a PC Gaming magazine opened in front of him and he had his feet up on the counter. That had to be some health code violation, especially with the stuff on the bottom of his shoes. I made a mental note not to come here, or at least never to get snacks.

His hair was tucked under a beanie and when he looked up at the sound of footsteps I could see his thin face and scanty goatee. He looked at me, then at Kate and finally at Booth Girl, his bloodshot eyes slightly wide.

"What's going on, Kris?" He said and his voice cracked slightly.

"Police," she said, pointing with her thumb back at us. Snack Bar Guy's eyes went wide, so wide that I was slightly afraid that they were going to pop from their sockets. He jumped up from his chair and bolted toward the theater doors, a chorus of 'no' and 'shit' escaping him as he went. I stopped and so did Kate, and we watched him go, both very confused.

"I love messing with him." Booth Girl said with a small smile and I gave her a curious look. "He's a pothead. Just the mention of cops sends him running. "

"Oh," Kate and I both said, and Booth Girl continued on behind the snack bar. There was a door to the right, painted the same red color as the wall and it was this that she disappeared into. I stood on the other side of the counter and looked in. It was a small office, barely large enough for the desk and filing cabinet inside. A bare bulb buzzed on a thin wire. The walls were plastered with posters from movies, the ones I could see where Stiletto (a movie I don't think I've ever seen), Serenity, and the newest poster looked like Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr.

Booth Girl rounded the desk and disappeared behind the wall. I could still hear the sounds of papers shuffling around and I got the feeling that her manager wasn't too organized. This could take a while and so I laid back against the bar, looking out at the street through the glass doors. It was raining and I could hear a rumbling somewhere but I couldn't tell if it was the movie playing or the storm.

"You know, with a name we could go back and just look him up in the system." Kate said, folding her arms across her chest and stood to the right of me.

"We could, but who's to say that he gave his real name?" I said, watching the rain splatter against the windows. "Besides, I'm in no hurry to get back out there, are you?"

Kate turned in the direction I was looking and her face fell as she saw the rain coming down at an angle. She gave a small dejected sigh and joined me by the counter, bumping me with her elbow as she did so. "Well, it could be worse," I said looking over to her and was surprised at how close she was.

"How so?"

"We could be Ryan and Esposito." She gave a small laugh and I was glad to see the dejected look left her pretty easily.

"Yeah, I'm starting to feel bad for those two."

"Starting? I've felt bad for them since I started shadowing you."

"Oh? And why was that?"

I shrugged. "They have to work with you." I said and she pursed her lips and glared at me.

"I agree, you should feel bad for them and for yourself." She said and turned her head to face the door when Booth Girl came out, holding two paper slips and looking between them as if they were full of math questions. She walked up to the counter and sat the two slips down.

"Something wrong?" I asked and she looked up, slightly startled.

"Nothing, well, I guess..." She said and pointed at one of the slips. "This is the date he used the card, but that's not his name, at least not the one he told me. He wrote his phone number on it, that's why I know it's his." She then moved to the second one. "This one has Steve's initials on it, and it's for seven hundred and fifty bucks, same card."

"Is there any other information?" Kate asked, picking up one of the slips and I took the other.

"It was blacked out with a marker, probably by Steve."

"Steve is your manager?" Booth Girl nodded.

"Yeah, Steve Kerr, I don't know why he'd do that though."

"Oka—" I looked over to Kate when I heard her breath catch. She was staring at me, her eyes open in surprise and she held out the slip to me. "Look at this, Castle."

I took the slip and skimmed through it, not noticing anything until I looked at it a second time. It was the name on the slip that had surprised her. The name Tim Regal, our first vic.

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><p>As always, a space station sized thanks to ChrisS for beta reading this for me!<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: ** Sorry for missing yesterday, but I posted a chapter for RT and no e-mails went out, so I figured I'd hold off and see if things are fixed today. I hope the wait didn't kill you. :P

* * *

><p>Chapter Nine<p>

We both were soaked as we left the theater, Rick more than me as it took me a minute to get the door unlocked for him. He wasn't too happy sitting in his wet jeans, and complained most of the way over to the park.

It wasn't hard to find Ryan and Esposito's car as it was the only one still at the park sitting against the curb. I could see them both as dark masses, hunkered down as the rain washed over the car and windshield in glass like sheets. I pulled up along side them and told Rick to roll down his window and he grumbled as he reached for the handle.

"Suck it up, Castle." I said, not unkindly and he gave a small groan, rolling the window down and reached out, tapping the glass of the other car. Esposito looked over, water dripping from his hair and I could see Ryan next to him looking like a drowned rat. Esposito rolled down the window, his face hard and he glared at me for a moment.

"Nice. Real nice, Beckett." He said and I held out my hands, not sure what his problem was. "Don't look like that, you knew it was going to rain today."

"No, I didn't, and even if I did it wouldn't have mattered. I'm not your mother, use a little foresight and check the weather." I said which caused his glare to deepen.

"Didn't tell Castle either?" Ryan asked and Rick turned to look at me before answering.

"No, she took her sweet time unlocking the door."

"It was stuck!"

"Mhm, sure it was."

"Look, did you two find anything?" I said shrugging off Rick's stare. I moved closer to him so I could see the guys.

"You mean before the rain started falling?" Esposito said.

"No, I mean when you two were doing your jobs and looking for evidence."

"Oh," Ryan said and pointed over at Esposito. "I knew we forgot to do something. Damn, didn't I tell you we forgot something?"

"Yeah," Esposito said waving Ryan off and hanging his head out in the rain. "So how was the movies? Sit in the back smooching?"

"Yes," Rick said.

"Totally. Full on make out." I said, shaking my head.

"Really?"

"I think your brain might be waterlogged," I said to Ryan and sighed. "We found something strange, and we got an ID on our vic."

"Least we didn't all strike out. What was strange?"

I was about to answer when I heard my phone ringing. I reached up and hit the answer button for the hands-free system. "Beckett."

"Hey, it's Lanie." I looked over to the other car and saw both of the boys had moved closer to the open window. I turned the volume up to be nice.

"What's up?"

"You know those coins we found in our vic's pockets?"

"Yeah, they're just fifty cent coins, nothing special about them." I said, trying to remember what the coins looked like. Nothing really stood out to me, other than the oddity that the vics had no other change on them, or any money for that matter.

"Not just any coins, they're 1943 Silver Liberty Walkings."

"Yay?" Esposito said from the other car and we all looked at him as Lanie's voice came over the phone.

"Boy, I'm goinna smack you if you don't quiet up."

"Right, sorry, go ahead." He said, a tiny bit of fear playing on his face and I couldn't help but smile at it.

"So they're 1943 coins, are they rare or something?"

"Not super rare, but they're worth at least thirty each."

I turned to Rick, he had his head in one of his hands, propping it up. He looked over to me after a moment and said, "People have killed for less, but the killer left them behind, so what did they really want?"

"We're missing something, sixty bucks isn't worth two murders."

"Except they're not worth sixty." Lanie's voice came over the speakers and I suddenly felt lost. I didn't like that feeling.

"But you jus—" Rick began, but Lanie cut him off.

"I know what I said, Castle. The problem is that these aren't true 1943 Silver Liberty Walkings. They're fake. Counterfeit"

"How do you know that?" Ryan shouted over the rain from the other car. I heard Lanie sigh and she spoke up so that everyone could hear.

"My dad is an avid coin collector so I asked him to take a look. That's how I know, happy?"

"Depends."

"Don't you start that with me Esposito, otherwise we're going to have a problem later."

"Then I'm ecstatic." He said and I noted a small smile playing on his face. Something else was going on, and this time it was between him and Lanie. I decided that I'd have to have a little talk with her about withholding information, especially after the riot act she gave me for doing the same.

"Good boy."

"So maybe someone is sending a message? They bought the coins and found out they were fake and so killed the sellers." I said, furrowing my brow and staring out into the waterfall that was my windshield. The trees and roads on the other side looked like a landscape painted by Van Gogh.

Something wasn't fitting with it all. Why were they in the tree, and why leave behind the coins if only to send a message? If an avid coin collector could tell they were fake they probably weren't very good so did the killer not know what he was getting?

"Still there, Kate?"

"Yeah, sorry," I said and turned to the car next to us. "When you checked out Regal, did his wife say anything about a coin collection?"

Esposito and Ryan both looked at each other, mumbled something and then looked back to me, shaking their heads.

"All right, Castle and I are going to go talk to Mrs. Regal again, you two head back to the station and run down a Jason Reynor. He could be our second vic."

"Good, I can dry off some then." Ryan said, and wiped back his soaked hair with a hand.

"You know, getting changed wouldn't be such a bad idea." Rick said softly, but I heard him well enough.

"You two better not be thinking what I think you are." Lanie said.

"Goodbye Lanie, and thanks," I said and hit the end call button before starting the car. "If you mean changing clothes as in getting out of these wet ones and into some dry ones then I agree, if you mean anything else…"

"Your mind must be in the gutter, Detective, but while it's there what do you say?"

"Not on your life, Castle." I said looking over and smirked after pulling away from Esposito's car and out onto the street. The roads were mostly empty, at least in this part of town, which was a bit odd. Even rain usually didn't stop people from being out and about. It turned out that there was an accident up the road a ways, blocking traffic on both ends. I found myself at the back end of a very long line of cars, idling.

"Looks like we're going to be chafing for a bit longer," I said and shifted the car into park. I tried not to move my legs so that my jeans didn't rub as I got a bit more comfortable in the seat. Any other time this would annoy me to no end, especially as Rick was stuck with me, and the one thing the guy could not do was sit still for very long. Now, with how things were, I didn't mind. In fact it made it easier to start asking questions about him. Apparently he had the same idea as he was the first to ask.

"So, you know about Meredith, it's only fair I get to ask you a question about your past. Was Will your longest relationship?"

I almost didn't answer, being content to just to sit there and wait, but he had been truthful with me. Holding back wouldn't make things any better. I sighed and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel willing the cars in front of me to move.

"Kate?"

"Longest adult relationship I guess. It's not easy to date someone when you spend most of your time at your job, or out investigating murders. It's a tough job and not many people could stand dealing with being apart for so long and then dealing with the emotional toll that this job takes on you. Will knew, he understood."

"Like I said before, he's a lot like you."

I sucked the inside of my bottom lip between my teeth and began to chew on it. I didn't really want to talk about this right now. "Yeah, I guess."

"So what happened?"

"He left. He took a job and left me behind. He asked me to go along of course, but I had a job here, a career, and he was probably going to move around a lot and I didn't want that. He had the choice to stay, but I didn't ask him to. I wanted him to, of course, but I wasn't about to try to force him to stay. If someone wants to go there isn't anything I can do to stop them." I said, and turned to Rick, wondering if he caught on to what I was saying. That in a way he was the second guy to just up and leave me behind.

"Sounds like we've both had bad luck with our longest relationships. Me and Kyra, and you and Will. Is there something wrong with us?"

"Maybe with you, I'm fine."

Rick gave a mock laugh, but kept his gaze out the window. "Do you ever think about what it would have been like had you gone with him?"

"You ever think what it would have been like if you chased after Kyra?"

He was silent for a moment, and the cars were beginning to move ahead of us. I shifted out of park and let the car roll forward.

"Sometimes, but I look at it this way: If I had gone after her I'd never had gotten Alexis, or met you."

"Charming again?"

"Nope, telling truth." He said, shifting in his seat. "Man, I think I'm soaked through my boxers."

"Well, that answers that question." I said and he waggled his eyebrows at me.

"Eh, I switch it up from time to time."

"You would." We finally passed by the accident. Someone had slid off the road and took out one of the traffic lights. The car was totaled from the looks of it and the person on the stretcher being loaded into the back of the ambulance hadn't faired much better.

I gave a nod to the uniform that was directing traffic and he nodded back, waving me along and stopping traffic on the other side of the road to let me pass. Being a detective had it's perks sometimes.

"So, Kyra was your longest relationship?"

"By a month or so." He said, frowning. "Can we… can we talk about something else? I'm not a fan of going down memory road."

"I thought it was a lane?"

"It's cliché. I like road better."

"I keep forgetting I'm talking to a writer here. So what's the title of this next book, and if you say Sexy Heat you will be walking home."

"Didn't like Naked Heat? You don't like any of my titles or names"

"Because they're all sexual and in the case of Nikki, it's a stripper name. How would you like it if I came out with a book based on you with a character named Doofus Wright?"

Rick started laughing and I chortled, trying to keep from following him. I was loosing. "What?"

"Nothing, that's just an awesome name."

"You're impossible."

"How about this, I let you read the first three chapters of the next book and you can suggest a title to me. I don't promise I'll use it, but I might."

"Fine, but you're going to hear about it if I don't like whatever you choose. And I swear, if you have them sleeping together in the first sixty pages I will hurt you."

"I'm going to need time to edit." Rick said, his voice dour as I turned down his street. I found a place to park that wasn't a mile away from his apartment and got out, holding my jacket over my head and rushing forward, not waiting for him at all.

I reached the front, getting inside the lobby where I was greeted by the doorman. He made a mention of the weather and I agreed, turning around to see Rick sloshing through the puddles for some reason as he came up onto the sidewalk. I stood there waiting, wishing I had chosen to go to my apartment first as my jeans were starting rub my legs raw with every step.

"What were you doing?"

"What?"

"Out there, what are you, three?"

"On my better days," He said giving a boyish grin and shook out one leg and then the other. The doorman didn't look too happy, and I figured it'd be best to get going so I grabbed Rick's arm and gently pulled him to the elevator.

As we rode it up to his floor we fell into a partial silence, only Rick's squeaky shoes breaking it as he rocked on his heels. I looked over to him and found him watching, his lips pulled back and his brows raised. I moved slightly to my right and turned back to the numbers that flashed gold above the doors. It was starting to smell like wet clothes inside the small confines and I was glad when the doors opened and we were able to get out into the hall. He led me to his door, pulled his keys from his jeans with a bit of trouble and then opened the door.

"Anyone home?" He called, holding the door open for me and I stepped in. It was amazing how much it smelled like paper and ink considering he wrote on a computer, maybe it was all the books. I loved that smell, and for some reason it reminded me of him more than anything else. "Guess not."

"Convenient."

"Isn't it?" He asked and I just closed my eyes, shook my head. "No, seriously, I didn't know if anyone would be home or not." He said, moving away from me, and motioned toward the kitchen. "Get a drink or something, I'm gonna go change really quick since I feel like a seal in these jeans."

I was going to ask just what he meant when he disappeared down the hall to where his room was. I stood next to the couch and let my eyes wander over everything. It was sort of unfair that he had this nice place and yet I've worked hard all my life and I'm stuck with a one bedroom apartment that is robbing me in rent. Guess that's what happens when you have your place blown up.

I took him up on the offer of a drink and went into the kitchen, looking through the cabinets for a cup and found some in the last of the row. They were glass, and not cheap looking like the ones I had… though he did have a couple old McDonald's glass cups, probably as old as Alexis. I took one down and looked at it, the colors were faded to ghosts and there seemed to be a couple hairline fractures around the top. He kept it because it was from those times when Alexis was little. I sat it back up on the top shelf and grabbed a normal one, going to his fridge and using the dispenser.

The way he acted made it hard to see him in that light. Seeing him as being a mature father, being there for his daughter and cherishing her. Every damn time I think I understand him better I find or see something that throws me a curveball. I sighed and took a large gulp from my cup, wondering what was taking him so long. I could get changed faster and I had an extra piece of clothing to worry about.

I started to walk around the room after setting the glass in the sink, trying to take in everything. It was maybe a little lighter and it looked like he retiled the fireplace, but everything else was the same, even the bookcase wall to his study. I moved around the edge of the counter, my eyes catching a number of pictures he had sitting in the corner of the room. They were all pictures of himself and Alexis, family photos. They were insanely cute, one had Alexis hanging on Rick's neck, both with the widest grins ever. Alexis was maybe six or seven and she was gorgeous. I peaked at the others, finally finding one with Gina in it. It was at a bookstore and they were holding one of his books, Storm Warning.

They looked like the perfect couple, both smiling, looking so proud. Then again, they probably weren't a couple quite yet, still a working relationship I guessed. Still you could tell there was something between them, maybe just budding. The way he leaned over to her and the way her head turned slightly toward him. Did I do that before?

It didn't matter, we were past that, and my only hope was that I wouldn't wind up like Gina, spurned and annoyed with my ex-husband. Actually I just didn't want an ex-husband in anyway shape or form.

I turned to the window for a moment, but couldn't help but look at his study. It really felt like the Batcave with how it was sort of hidden away from the rest of the living room. It wasn't long before my curiosity got the better of me and I moved toward it. I was starting to feel like Rick, being nosey. I inched my way toward the door, keeping an eye on the hall and hoped he was having trouble getting out of his jeans.

I pushed his door open as slowly as I could, expecting an alarming squeak to come from it, like entering into Dr. Frankenstein's lab. It didn't, but it looked much stranger than what it had when I first entered into his study a year ago. I had a sudden flash back to Dunn's apartment as Rick had a clothes line running behind his desk, a number of pages hanging from clips like wet laundry. They looked to be pages for his next book.

I closed the door, slinking to them, keeping low for some reason I couldn't quite explain. The door to his bedroom was closed tight, so that was something. It was a bit surreal seeing the work of my favorite writer like this and I had a small fangirl moment as I began to read the page closest to me. It was the end of a chapter, Nikki was staring down the barrel of Rooks gun and I realized another part of our life had become a 'part' of his character's.

Tearing my gaze away from the page I looked over to his desk and found his laptop sitting there, closed. I walked around his desk and stood behind the chair, stared down at the computer. Could I really?

Yes, I could, I decided with a small smile and pulled out his chair, sat down heavily and opened the laptop. The screen blinked twice and then loaded the desktop and I found a picture of myself, Ryan, Esposito and Castle. We were in the precinct, Castle and I sitting on a desk with Ryan and Esposito standing to the side of each of us. It took me a bit of thinking to remember when it was taken, and my hair gave it away. It was a year old picture taken during the photo-shoot for Cosmo, but they never used a picture like this in their article.

He must've talked the photographer into giving him a copy, but why, I didn't know. It was a little creepy that he had me on his background, but maybe he did miss me; missed us all this summer. It made sense now, and I felt even worse about how I had been treating him. Sure, I had let him back in on the crime solving front, and we teased and flirted like before, but we were with other people and again I found myself trying to push him away because I was afraid that Josh would see what I already knew. That I wanted Castle for more than just working together. He was with Gina though so I didn't have a chance at the time.

There were tons of folders and icons on his desktop and they were all over the place. A few games, mostly simple flash games, and a number of text files that littered the desktop. They all had weird titles like sur, pol, kb, idk, frewri. I didn't want to click on any of them, this was his private writing and yet I found myself clicking on the kb, wondering if it could be what I thought it might be.

Word opened, albeit slowly, and I was greeted with hundreds of paragraphs with dates, like a journal of our working together. I skimmed it until I got to the entry he made when he first got back.

_I don't understand what's going on lately. I feel off balanced and confused most of the time, like nothing really matters to me. I finished the book weeks ago, got back home two weeks ago and I have a whole list of stuff that I need to get done, but at the top is to call Beckett. I don't really want to though. I mean, I do, but I don't. Things changed, she's with Demming and she made it pretty clear that I didn't fit in anymore around her now that she had Demming. I don't even think she realized she was doing it, or maybe how much she was doing it. Why would I want to go back to that? To see Kate. She won't want to see me though. Ah well, maybe I'll stop by once the book tour is over. That'll give me enough time to decided what I really want to do, or rather, what I can do. _

He really was hurt by what happened with Demming. I don't get how I didn't see it at the time. When he came back I had an inkling that it might be something to do with that. I missed him terribly over the summer.

The next entry seemed to be from when I arrested him, he didn't go into much detail of that part, but he talked about what happened after.

_I was arrested by Kate, an odd reunion to say the least. It was the second time she's put me in handcuffs, and this time she seemed even angrier. She didn't say a word to me on the ride to the station as I sat in the back of her car. She didn't say a word to me when she passed me off to two uniforms who practically dragged me to the interrogation room. It was a bit surreal, like I had walked into a parallel dimension… cue the Twilight Zone music._

_I sat there for what felt like forever, looking around the room. It changed, they must've remodeled over the summer, and I couldn't help wondering what else had changed. She came in, snapping the door closed and I felt a sudden chill go over me. This wasn't my friend Beckett I was seeing, no, I was seeing what every suspect saw when we came into the room, and it was scary. _

_She was playing a game with me. She didn't actually listen to anything I said, as if she blamed me for something and this was her revenge. Questions started to turn personal, and a little harsh. She seemed more angry that I was with Gina then that I left. Or maybe it was both, I couldn't quite tell. _

_I stopped her before she really got rolling on me, mentioning Demming to her as way to tell her that she had someone. Her face fell at the name and I realized there was some pain there now. Did they break up? She didn't tell, just moved on. _

_Luckily the gun that killed my friend came back as different from the one I was holding. I was free to go. I didn't want to, I wanted to get back with working with her. It felt almost like going to the dentist for me, sure I'm freaking out before hand, but once it's done and over with I'm okay. Kate didn't want me. She was so angry that her voice even cracked a bit and I have no idea what I did that caused her to be that way. What the hell did I do? And why did she care that I was still with Gina, or how many relationships I had over the summer?_

I skimmed the rest until three days passed and found a small, two sentence entry.

_I think she forgave me some… time will tell but I'll try my damnedest to get her to forgive me completely and let me back in. Even if she kills me._

"Anything interesting?" I nearly jumped out of the chair, my heart leaping into my throat and I banged my knee on the desk. I cursed and looked up to find Rick standing in the door way, his shoulder against the door jam, his arms crossed in front of him. He smiled.

"Uh, no, it's locked." I said standing up and fixing my shirt.

"No it's not."

"Well, then I don't know how to work your computer."

"I don't care that you looked at it, just hope you didn't format the drive."

"Wouldn't know how even if I wanted to." I said, feeling nervous for some reason.

"So did you read the new book?"

"No, how can you find anything on there? By the way, nice background."

"I can send you a copy."

"Thanks, but I see enough of you as it is." He pushed off the door jam, moved toward his desk and looked over the top of the computer screen. I realized then that I had left the document open. Dammit.

I could see him frowning before he looked up and he took a deep breath, met my eyes. "I write stuff down so I don't forget the details."

"You don't have to explain anything to me," I said, shaking my head. "I shouldn't have looked, it was personal."

"It is, but I don't mind you seeing it. I'm just glad I didn't write anything that I'd regret you reading. Or did I?"

I stood there, backed against the floating pages behind me and thought what exactly I should say to him. He knew I read it, knew I could see how hurt he was. I already said I was sorry, and yet it didn't seem to be enough now. He busted his butt to get back into my good graces, and what did I do to get into his? Arrest him? Push him away while I was with Josh? Why does he keep sticking around?

"No, I'm just not sure why you keep hanging around me."

He cocked his head to the side, gave me a sidelong glance. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," I started but wasn't exactly sure what I meant. I sat down in his chair and he moved to the side of the desk, sitting down on it and stared at me. "I don't know, it just seems like you forgave me for Demming pretty quickly, while I held Gina, and you leaving against you for weeks. Then I pushed you away again with Josh, and this time you stuck it out and forgave me for it, letting me just walk back in as if nothing happened. Why?"

"Why?" He said, his gaze searched out the room. "Why do you think?"

"I have't a clue."

"I didn't want to lose my chance for you. It hurt, not going to lie, but when Josh left and you were hurt it didn't seem to matter what had happened to me. It mattered how you felt… I have no idea if I'm sounding like a soap star right now, but I'll always forgive, because in the end you always forgive me… especially as I've screwed up in a few major ways since working with you."

"But I make you jump through hoops, or win bets."

He shrugged. "You let me win that bet."

I looked at him, shocked. "No I didn't."

"Oh, come on, I saw you smiling when I started to figure it out. You knew maybe half a minute before I did, and you played me. You're an amazing actress by the way, just have to work on holding in your smiles a bit more."

"So you knew that I let you win the bet, and never said anything?"

"I took it as meaning you wanted me back enough to throw it, and that was enough for me."

I didn't say anything for a moment. I was trying to let it all sink in. I couldn't freaking believe he knew I threw the bet.

"Well, I'm all nice and dry. We should probably stop by your place so you can change, huh?"

"Yeah," I said and stood. "I still want to read what you have so far of your book."

"You will," he said holding his hands out and letting me go out first. "Like I said, I have to do some editing."

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><p>As always, a Trans-Atlantic Communications Cable sized thanks to ChrisS for beta reading!<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

******A/N:** I apologize for the long delay. There shouldn't be anymore for the rest of the chapters if things go as planned. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks to all those who are reading and a special thanks to those that have reviewed. You all are awesome.

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

Our little visit to Mrs. Regal didn't go exactly as we hoped. She had nothing to tell us, and didn't have any idea about the coins. Tim apparently didn't collect anything but parking tickets.

I was sitting beside Kate's desk, watching her search through the database for information on Jason Reynor, and I was bored out of my mind. I was trying not to stare at her because I didn't want to be annoying, but there wasn't anything else to look at.

"Creepy."

"You can be," I said and Kate looked over, her hand holding her head up. She glared at me. "Sorry. Just nothing is going on."

"You know this is how it goes sometimes. Can't be all shoot outs and arrests." She turned back to her computer screen and scrolled through the never ending list of people.

"Yes, but I'm bored," I said, and quickly realized how whiny it sounded. Probably not a good thing. Kate looked up and laid back in her chair, her eyes darting around my face.

"You're bored?" I did not like the smile that had curved her lips. "I'm sure I could find something for you to do."

"No, I was just kidding I'm not bored. You find anything yet?" I said quickly, backpedaling the best I could. I didn't want to know what she had in mind for me to do… probably scrubbing toilets with my tongue.

"Does it look like I found anything?" She asked and I shrugged, running though everything we knew at the moment, hoping to come up with something. I was coming up short on any real theories and so decided to have a little fun.

"Oh, I know who our killer is!" I said, smirking, thinking she'd get a kick out of my idea.

"It's not an Ent, and no," she said, "the tree did not shoot our victims."

"Oh come on, how did you know I was going to say that?"

"Because I know you, Castle, and it was the funniest, oddest thing I could come up with which I figured would be what you got."

"Creepy," I said looking away from her. It wasn't really, it'd actually been happening a lot lately. She seemed to almost be reading my mind in someways, or maybe I'm just that predictable, but I never would have called myself that before. I must hang around her too much.

"You know, maybe we should run down this Steve Kerr guy." I said, picking up one of the folders from her desk, which she snatched out of my hand.

"Why's that?"

"He blacked out the slip, seemed to know at least one of our vics. Would make sense wouldn't it?"

"Yup," she said, not looking over again. "Which is why I sent Ryan and Esposito out to track him down about half an hour ago."

"Wow, one step ahead of me again."

"I have done this before, you know? And besides, you're slowing down in your old age."

"O—ow. That was harsh." I said, wincing. She laughed and reached out, ran a finger along my jawline. I tried my best to keep my heart from using my ribs a xylophone.

"Age catches up with us all."

"You are so mean."

"It's out of love, really." She said, her lips drawn into a thin line and smiling at me, her eyes squinted.

"Love?" We both jumped and looked over to the front of Kate's desk where Ryan was standing, his brows pushed so far up that his hair shifted back. "Did I just hear you say love? To Castle?"

"I—that is—no, I don't know what you're talking about, Ryan. Did you find Kerr?" It was actually pretty cute. Kate was almost never flustered, at least not around me so this was another side I got to see, and I kind of enjoyed the times she had been the past couple of days.

"Yeah, he's in interrogation room one." Ryan turned and pointed at the door.

"Thanks."

"Seriously, I heard you say love." Ryan said as Kate and I both stood up and I said a small prayer, hoping he'd not keep asking and just forget about it.

"Then you need to get your hearing checked." She moved around her desk and passed Ryan without a glance. I went to follow her but Ryan reached out a hand and stopped me, hitting me square in the chest. He watched her go for a moment before turning to me.

"I heard her say love. What's going on, Castle?" I looked down at his hand and then to him and finally at Kate walking away. "Spill."

"Nothing to spill, she said glove. She was complaining about me not always wearing gloves at a crime scene."

"Really?" Ryan said dropping his hand, his face still a picture of confusion. He cocked his jaw to the side, watching Kate. She was stopped outside the door, her hand on her hip and staring us both down from across the bullpen. The look made me move away from Ryan and toward her. I heard Ryan mumble something but I couldn't make it out.

Kate followed me with her eyes all the way through the bullpen. She was holding a folder to her chest and had an expectant look on her face.

"So?"

I gave her a bemused look in return. "So?"

She sighed, closed her eyes for a moment and canted her head. "What were you and Ryan talking about?"

"Oh," I said looking behind me to see Ryan and Esposito sitting at their desks talking. I had a feeling Ryan was telling Esposito what he thought he heard. "He wanted to know if you really did say love."

"And you told him…?"

"That you said glove, that you were complaining about me not always wearing them at a crime scene."

"Oh," her fingers tapped along her folder for a moment. "About that, I'd _love_ it if you'd remember to wear _gloves_. Otherwise I'll have to take away your crime scene privileges." She looked at me with hooded eyes and her lips pursed. She said it loud enough that Ryan could hear and I turn to see him watching us carefully.

"Then I'll do my best to remember. Promise."

She nodded and opened the door. Her face changed the moment she crossed the threshold; gone was Kate and in walked Detective Beckett. This was her place, her playground. She was the queen here and the guy sitting at the table had no idea what he was about to go through. It made me slightly giddy.

"Mr. Kerr, do you know why you're here?" She asked, dropping the folder down on the desk. She didn't sit, instead she walked around the table, waiting for an answer. Kerr's eyes followed her as much as they could. They were wide and worried.

He was a scrawny guy with wide brimmed glasses and slicked back hair. Almost a stereotypical nerd, and yet there was something off about him. Something about the way he was sitting, the way he spoke, that didn't sit right with me. He was wearing a cheap leather jacket and kept his arms folded in front of him, his thumbs out against his arms.

"Uh, no, the detective just said they had some questions for me and asked if I could come down here. I said sure and so here I am. What's this about?"

"Do you know a Tim Regal?"

He paused to think, his eyes looking up to the ceiling. "No, sorry, don't believe so. What's this about?"

"What about a Jason Reyner?" I asked from where I was sitting. Kerr kept his gaze to the table as Kate circled around him once more. I saw recognition flash in his eyes for a split second. He knew Jason.

"No, sorry. Can you two tell me what this is about?" He said, his voice squeaking slightly. I looked up to Kate and she paused behind Kerr.

"Are you sure you don't know Jason? One of your employees knew him pretty well, and she told us you two would talk a lot." Kate said.

"No, I do not."

"Where were you Friday?"

"At work. Fridays are our busiest night of the week." He said, anger starting to show. "Maybe if you told me what the hell this was about I could save us all a lot of time."

"You ever see this guy?" Kate asked, walking to the folder and pulling out a picture of Regal, slamming it in front of him.

"No, never," he said, looking at the picture for a moment before looking to Kate.

"Okay, how about this one," she pulled the picture out with the same flourish. Again I saw a flash recognition cross his face, but it was gone in an instant.

"You do. Tell us, Mr. Kerr."

"All right, all right, fine I knew him."

"How did you know him?" I asked and he turned to look at me.

"He came by the theater a lot, I caught him using a stolen credit card and he…" Kerr swallowed hard and bent his head down towards the table, a stray, greasy strand of hair falling to his cheek.

Kate pulled out the chair beside me and sat down, folding her hands in front of her and leaning forward. "He what?"

Kerr wiped a hand through his slick hair, replacing the strand. "He said if I didn't report him we could make a lot of money together. So… I didn't. He'd stop by with a few credit cards and I'd run them through, small amounts at first just to see if the person noticed. Then higher until the card was canceled. We'd get cash from most of them. Then he started bringing in other stolen items and he'd hock them out in the front of the theatre during the day."

"So, why did you kill him then, since you were making so much money?"

"I—I didn't kill him. I didn't even know he was dead until I saw it on the news."

"Still say you don't know Tim?" I asked and he turned to me, his lips going thin.

"I don't, not really. He was just a name on a credit card."

"You know, this is what I think happened." Kate began, her expression was hard, her eyes narrowed. She reached out and tapped the table a few inches away from Kerr who recoiled slightly. "I think Tim found out his credit card number was stolen and so he went to where it was last charged to do some of his own detective work. He found out you and Jason were the ones that stole it and threaten to go to the police. How am I doing so far?"

"Pretty far off considering I never met the guy." He said, squeezing his arms around him a bit tighter. "Now, if you want me to say anything more then you're going to have to talk to my lawyer."

I could see Kate's expression change from anger to annoyance as she stood up. She stole a glance my way, bringing her top lip in to run across her teeth. "Fine. It'll be a bit before we get one in here."

She tapped me on the shoulder and I followed her out, leaving behind Kerr who dropped his head to his hands and his leg began shaking so much that I could hear it tapping against the tile floor. I closed the door behind me. Kate was waiting for me outside, leaning against the wall until the door snapped shut. She didn't say a word but I could tell she wasn't happy.

"You think he really did it?" I asked, moving beside her as we walked back to her desk. She had the folders clutched to her chest again and her eyes seemed distant. "Kate?"

"Hm?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said slowly, bringing her eyes up to meet mine. She sighed. "There is just something missing here."

"Like why there were fake coins in their pockets?"

"Exactly," she said pointing at me as she sat down at her desk. "And if Kerr didn't do it, why kill Regal?"

"Case of mistaken identity?"

"Mm, maybe," she tapped her lip in thought, closing her eyes for a moment. "I'm going to keep him in holding for a bit though. We at least have him on credit card fraud."

I sat back in my chair, watching her as she looked down at the folders on top of her desk. It never seemed to end. Every time she closed a case another one popped up, and another and another. And even those that she couldn't solve, well, they were technically still in her caseload.

I was starting to get a real sense that she didn't have much outside of her work. Sure, she might have a few friends here and there, maybe dating a few guys (I had no doubt she was approached a lot), but never really had a full life outside of this job. How could she though? She was one of those people that buried themselves in work. I found myself wondering if she had always been like this or if it was her mother's death that caused her to become the workaholic that she showed everyone.

I was her fun. That was why she enjoyed me being around so much, maybe not at first but she slowly came to enjoy me being around, wanting me to be around. She didn't get to have fun like other people, and I don't think she really knew how to anymore. Maybe after everything that happened to her 'fun' seemed foreign and a waste of time.

"Hey," I said, reaching out and tapped her arm. She looked over, keeping her body straight. "You busy tonight?"

"No…" She said, her suspicious tone and look made me smile. "No plans at least, why?"

I folded my hands in front of me and turned my chair on an angle so that I was almost straight in front of her. "Well, I was thinking maybe we could go out tonight."

"Kind of short notice," she said, looking at me from the corners of her eyes, her hand was holding a pen that was starting to tap on the stack of folders. "What do you have in mind?"

"Laser tag." I said, and grinned. She looked at me like I was crazy and I couldn't help but chuckle at the expression.

"What?"

"Laser. Tag." I repeated, emphasizing each word. "Come on, you've always wanted to shoot me, here's your chance."

"Are you ever going to grow up?"

"It'll be fun. You can even count it as my debt paid so you don't have to worry about that."

She smirked. "Oh, no, laser tag won't mean your debt is paid, you owe me a _real_ date still. But sure, if I can get off tonight."

"Care if we invite them?" I asked, thrusting a thumb in the direction of the detectives who were still at their desks talking like two teenage girls. Kate looked over as well, her body tense for a moment before she relaxed and turned back to me.

"You and I versus them?"

"Duh."

"Great, so we're gonna lose." She said, and I feigned hurt.

"You've seen me shoot, do you have so little faith in me?"

"So very little…"

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><p>As always a Titanic sized thanks to ChrisS for beta reading!<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Here's one of my favorite parts of this story, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Thanks again to all of you who are reading and reviewing, it means a lot. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven<strong>

I walked out after getting the laser tag gear on and felt like I was wearing one of those crummy Christmas sweaters that lit up. Why did I agree to this? Rick stood at the entrance to the laser tag arena which he had somehow managed to rent for the four of us for the next hour or so. He looked even goofier than I felt.

"Nice, you do blinky well." He said.

"I do what?"

He laughed, the green lights on his vest giving his teeth a green sheen. "Nothing, where are the other two?"

"Right here, ready to kick your asses." Esposito said, holding up the laser pistol and striking a pose. Ryan came up behind him and striking a different pose made them look like the girl's in the beginning of a Bond flick. I lost it, cracking up bad enough that it was hard to breathe. I leaned against Rick to keep from falling as Esposito turned around and shoved Ryan who looked confused.

"What?"

"I'm going to kill you one of these days, bro." He said and Ryan cracked a nervous smile, the red lights from his laser tag equipment making him look slightly evil.

"Do you two need a moment?" I asked wiping the tears from my eyes as I leaned against Rick's shoulder. The two guys looked at me and my smile fell slightly.

"No, do you two?" Ryan asked and I jerked away from Rick and gave a nervous laugh.

"Are we going to do this or what?" Rick asked, holding up his pistol. The guys moved closer to where we stood and gave a small nod. "So that we all know the rules, first team to 12 kills wins. No contact of any kind, that means no kissing in the dark you two." Rick motioned the gun between them and they both glared.

"Goes for you as well." Esposito said.

"That won't be happening," I said, reassuring them. "Unless you feel like working another murder scene tonight." Rick looked over to me and I gave nothing away.

"Right, anyway teams are Kate and I versus you two—"

"Eagle Red Team." Esposito said and I furrowed my brow looking between the three men. It was like being with a bunch of twelve year olds. I was waiting for one of them to pull out a sign that said: 'No Girls Allowed'.

"Really?" I said.

"Hell yes."

"Okay, fine," Rick said, "Eagle Red Team vs. Python Green Team."

"Python Green?" I said.

"What's wrong with Python? They're deadly animals, they just squeeze the life out of things." Rick made a choking motion with his hands, his face contorted with fake strain.

"Well, then it's apt for you, I guess."

"Har, har."

"Look, mom and dad are arguing again." Ryan said and I turned on my heel. He shrunk back.

"Fine," I said, frowning. "Python it is and Ryan… I'm hunting for you now."

"Wha— what I do?"

"Better you than me, bro." Esposito said and Rick moved past all of us. I watched him go, wondering what it was he could be doing and then I saw the score board that was above the walled in arena. There was a guy standing there and Rick said a few quick words and the guy nodded and turned to a computer. The next thing that showed up on the scoreboard was the names of the teams in their respective colors. I really wished I had pushed for a different name.

"Castle, fix that!" Esposito shouted just before Rick started back down. It took me a second to notice what the hell he was complaining about and then I saw it on the scoreboard. I started to laugh again, harder than I had in a long time. My stomach was already beginning to ache.

Rick feigned innocence. "What? What's wrong?"

"It says Beagle, fix it."

"Didn't you say Beagle?" Rick asked, holding his hands out and stopped on the third stair from the top, looking bit a like a green beacon. He turned around and looked at the scoreboard, acting confused. "I'm pretty sure you said Beagle… what was it suppose to be?"

"Eagle."

"Oh, right," Rick said, telling Esposito to calm down with a motion of his hands. He walked back up to the guy from before, talked to him for a minute and then left. The red screen flashed to read Seagull.

"Castle, come on." I said, shaking my head. Not that I wasn't enjoying it, but if someone didn't say something I doubt we'd ever get to the game.

"Sorry, sorry." He turned around and waved at the guy who just shrugged. Finally it said the right name. Rick came down to join us at the entrance, a grin plastered on his face and it was sort of cute to see him so happy. He moved to stand next to me, each team on a side of the door. We stood there blinking colors and looking like something out of a sci-fi movie.

"So, who has played Laser tag here before?" No one raised their hands. "Yeah, didn't think so. It's a maze in there, but there are neon lights to show the way. There is a two minute timer to get into position before the round starts. We all ready?"

We all nodded and Rick clapped his hands together, looking a little too happy. "Great! Bill? Start the timer." He called and the guy at the scoreboard shouted something I couldn't hear over the buzzer.

Rick grabbed my hand and pulled me into the darkness of the arena, taking a left. I took a glance behind me to see the two boys heading in the other direction, their blinking lights disappearing around a corner and a wisp of smoke.

My eyes didn't take long to adjust to the low light. The walls were painted in a deep blue color while neon lights were scattered along the walls in zigzags and other shapes. There was a thin layer of smoke on the floor which kicked up around our feet as Rick led me deeper into the maze. He made another right and stopped, breathing heavily for a moment.

"So how often have you played here?" I asked, catching my own breath as I leaned against the wall, the laser pistol in my right hand. He smiled flipping a piece of plastic down over one eye. It looked like it was a magnifier of some sort.

"A few times, had Alexis's birthday here when she was a little younger." He looked up when there was another buzzer from the score board. "Let the games begin." He reached out and flicked down the plastic piece on my head set and I glared at him which didn't do much as he had already turned away.

He was in solider boy mode, he had the pistol held up against his shoulder as he peaked around the edge. He darted his head out and then dropped back in. This was going to be fun, I thought, mirroring him and glancing down the corridor that was closest to me. For once I was going to be in a shootout that didn't involve anyone dying or getting hurt. I could actually enjoy the rush of it and laugh if I goofed up, which I didn't plan on doing.

"So, what's the plan?" I asked, coming back so that we were shoulder to shoulder. Rick looked over, the same grin still playing on his lips. He was already having a blast.

"Kill them before they kill us." He said and jumped out in the middle of the corridor firing and was promptly shot, the vest he wore buzzed crazily for a few moments and I looked up at the scoreboard. 1-0.

"Nice, Castle." I said and stood off the wall, moving to his side and fired the pistol blindly around the corner. I heard the same sound as before but it was distant this time. Ryan cursed and his footsteps echoed away. 1-1.

"You sure you never played before?"

"Yes, I'm just not dumb enough to leave cover without knowing where they are." I said smirking. I waved for him to follow and got low, making my way down the corridor and kept to cover where I could.

The game moved slowly as both teams were being tactical about their movements. Rick wasn't, as I first thought, the weak link. I was. Apparently aimed shots don't always hit their target in laser tag and it was 9-9 because I couldn't hit a damn thing at times. Three more kills and the boys would win and I'd never hear the end of it. Happily though, my hunting of Ryan was going well, he made up six of our nine points and three were from being shot by me.

Rushing back to where we had started I got hit just before reaching cover, my vest started that annoying buzzing noise and I cursed, falling behind the low wall and smacking into Rick who grunted. God dammit, I was so close. 10-9.

We were stuck behind the low wall now, shoulder to shoulder, firing off blind shots as Ryan and Esposito had us pinned down. The fog was twirling around our legs and I blew a puff away from my face. I could hear the two boys running back and forth, whispering commands to each other as they drew closer.

"Give it up you two, we got this and you know it."

"You shall never rule the omniverse!" Rick called and I looked over to him, wondering what the hell he was talking about. "Sorry, it's a family joke."

"Right…" I said, turning and sitting up slightly to try to see where the boys were at. I heard two pistols fire and ducked back down.

"What are you doing? Stay down."

"We can't shoot them if we stay down here."

"They can't shoot us either. I don't want to have to do their laundry, so stay down."

"You made a bet with them, didn't you." I said, grinding my teeth. What was it with guys and bets? Can't a challenge be answered without some humiliation being added to it? I shouldn't have been surprised, after all they did bet on murders before, but I still couldn't believe it.

"Maybe."

"Dammit, Rick." I said shaking my head and firing off another blind shot. The buzzing sound came again. Tied.

"Nice." Rick said with a grin.

"Stop smiling, you're lucky I don't shoot you. What do we get if we win, and if you say they do our laundry then I might just shoot myself to let them win."

"No, they take three cold cases off your pile and work them on their own." He said and I suddenly felt a little less angry. A little less. He made a bet and wouldn't be getting anything out of it if he won and if he lost he'd have to clean their clothes… I'd seen their dirty clothes before and it was a little horrifying.

"Why would you take that bet?"

"Because," He said, firing over the boxes, hitting nothing.

"Because why?"

"I'll tell you later when we aren't under fire— Dammit." 11-10.

I shook my head and laid back against the wooden block with a sigh. "Any ideas?"

"Just one." He said and slid over to the edge of our cover. "We both swing around and hope we catch them off guard… or we lose."

"Not liking the sound of this plan." I said, taking a quick look out the side and a gun went off the second I peaked out.

"Got a better idea?" He asked, his breathing heavy. "Because if you do, I'd love to hear it."

"All right fine," I said, clenching my teeth. "On my count… 1…2"

"Wait, what are we counting to?"

"Three. On three, Castle, okay?" I said, the stress of the situation getting to me and yet… I couldn't remember a time when I was having more fun, the book signing came close.

"Come out, come out where ever you are." Ryan said and I was able to take a pretty good guess where he was. He was on my side, maybe a yard or two away.

"Shut it, Ryan." There was Esposito. He was on Rick's side and I turned to tell him but he seemed to already know as he stared at me and gave a small nod. My heart raced as I gave it back and held out my fist. I dropped it down and put out a finger, mouthing one to him. I did the same for two.

"Three!" I turned as the word left my throat and pulled the trigger as rapidly as I possibly could, blanketing the area that I guessed Ryan would be. There was a second of silence; a moment when I thought we both had hit nothing but air. That the guys had played us and in that moment I suddenly felt horrible and happy at the same time.

The buzzing started. I looked down at my vest and it looked fine, the lights blinking like normal. I turned to look at Rick and his was the same.

"Son-of-a-bitch!" I heard both of the boys yell at the same time. I gave a shout of victory that surprised even me, throwing my hands up. Rick gave the same kind of shout and came over to me, drawing me up into a hug. I kissed him. I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened and it took me a moment to realize what we were doing. I pulled away just as the lights in the arena turned on in a blinding flash. He still had his arms around me as the boys came out from behind the two pillars they were hiding behind.

"Great game guys," Rick said, releasing me and flipped up the small piece of plastic on the headset. "It's been a long time since I've had that close of a game… then again I'm usually against my daughter and she handily beats me all the time."

Ryan gave a nod with a smile. "It was a blast man, just wish we hadn't made that bet now."

"Yeah, I was looking forward to a week off from doing laundry, though." Esposito said and adjusted a pad on his elbow as he walked forward to stand in front of me.

"Sorry boys, maybe next time." I said and Rick nodded.

"Don't forget your end, you two."

"Yeah, yeah, we'll get it tomorrow." Esposito said already starting to remove the laser tag gear. "Anyway, I'm late for a date so I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Late for a date?" Rick asked, and all of us turned to look at Esposito who had a sheepish grin on his face. "With whom, pray-tell?"

"Wouldn't y'all like to know?" Esposito said leaving the arena with a small wave.

"Do you know?" I asked Ryan who was watching Esposito leave. He turned and shrugged.

"He didn't mention anything to me, which he usually does. I dunno, maybe he finally met someone."

"Maybe," I said. For some reason I couldn't shake the feeling that I knew who he was going to see, but I couldn't quite place a name to it.

"Well, I'm beat," I said, starting to pull off the gear as the three of us walked out of the arena. "I think I'm going to head home, get an early start tomorrow with the case. What about you two?"

Ryan looked as tired as I felt and he shook his head with a small smile. "Yeah, same here. I'm sure Jenny is waiting for me. Night guys." He said, leaving me alone with Rick.

"And you?"

"Same, though I don't have a girlfriend waiting for me." He said, his expression one that seemed almost sad.

"Of course not," I said, dropping the laser tag gear on the counter. "You have her here. Unless there is another girl you're seeing on the side."

He shook his head hard. "No way in hell… and did you just call yourself my girlfriend?"

"For now, we'll see how long I feel that way." I said and he seemed okay with the answer even though I was kidding. I felt a bit like his girlfriend and surprisingly I was okay with that too, just as long I didn't become just another notch, then again it'd be his last if that was the case.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked, taking a step toward me and I nodded moving forward and giving a quick kiss to his lips.

"I had fun, Rick."

"Good, that's all I wanted tonight, for you to have fun." He said, and pulled me to him, my hands went to his upper arms and I looked up to him, being a few inches shorter in normal shoes. He had a smile on his lips as he looked down at me, his eyes searching over my face.

"Thanks," I said, my breath catching slightly as he continued to look me over. His arms gave me a small squeeze in response.

"Anytime, Kate." He said and finally released me, still grinning. "Anyway, we should both get going. I'll get a cab so you can just head home."

"You sure? I don't mind giving you a ride." I said, not really wanting him to go already. He shook his head, bent down to kiss me again.

"I'm sure. Get some sleep, Kate. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Bright and early." He said each sentence followed by a kiss and I couldn't help but let a small giggle escape my throat. "Until tomorrow." He pulled away, but held onto my hands as he did so.

"Until tomorrow," I said and watched his expression change ever so slightly. Anyone else probably wouldn't have noticed it, but I did. He hid behind a toothy grin and our hands slipped away from each other.

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><p>As always a vast and roaming thanks to ChrisS for beta reading.<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Only five more chapters left.

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><p><strong>Chapter Twelve<strong>

The loft was dark when I stepped in. The entire place was eerily still, like something out of a horror movie. There was a dim blue light shining through the windows at the other edge of the room, drawing long shadows over everything. I was waiting for a door to bang open and a loud groan to come from somewhere off in the darkness, it never did though.

I dropped my keys on the table, heading for the kitchen and debating if I should turn on the lights. I didn't, mostly because the blue light gave me enough to see by, and the fridge had its own little light. I popped open the door and stared at it for a moment, not seeing anything that was inside. My eyes finally focused and I pulled out a plate of cold pizza. Mother and Alexis must've ordered out.

Carrying the plate I went to the microwave and shoved it in, turning it on for a few minutes. I sat down at one of the stools, looking out into the eerie blue light that seemed to have no source. I could see beams fluttering through dust clouds and I made a mental note to dust more. Working with Kate really did take up a lot of my time, and the time I wasn't with her I was writing. That didn't leave a whole lot of time for housework, though I tried… well, by try I mean I hired a maid from time to time.

"Richard?" I jerked at the sound of the voice that came from the darkness. Turning around I found Mother coming slowly down the stairs, her eyes trained on me and her red hair was tossed, an image of complete bed head. "Did you just get in?"

"Yeah, a couple minutes ago. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." I said, standing and leaning against the counter. Mother came down off the last step and headed toward me, flicking on the lights for the kitchen as she went. I flinched under the blinding light for a moment which made her laugh.

"You didn't," she said, still laughing. "So where were you? Solving murders like a good little detective?"

"Not exactly, I took Kate and the guys out for laser tag. They really seemed like they needed the time off. Then it took me forever to get a cab." I said, just as the microwave began its final beeping. I rounded the counter and popped open the door, pulling the plate out. "Ow, hot, dammit." I said and dropped the plate on the counter with a clatter. I squinted at the noise and looked up toward where Alexis's bedroom was.

"You won't wake her, and even if you did, kiddo, I don't think she'd come down." Mother said, sitting across from me and pulling a slice from the plate. "She's not in the greatest of moods right now."

"What? Why, what happened?" I said, keeping my gaze on where her room would be. She seemed fine this morning, happy even.

Mother shrugged, dropping her chin to a hand, her elbow resting on the counter. She took a bite of pizza and swallowed. "I don't know, dear, but she got more annoyed the later it became. I think she was waiting for you to get home."

"She knows I run late sometimes working on cases with Kate."

Mother pointed at me with one long finger. "Maybe that's why. You have been spending almost every waking hour with Kate these past couple of days, not that I fault you for it. She might though." She said, turning the finger to point up the stairs. "I think she might be feeling a little left out, or that she's losing you to Kate."

"But she's not. I'm here a lot, like on Friday I was here all morning with her. She—" Mother held up a finger, silencing me in an instant. It was one of the few things that still worked from my childhood with her.

"Darling, I didn't say it was rational, but it does seem to be how she feels."

"She loves Kate though. She was the main force pushing me to make the date perfect." I was completely lost. I had a slight feeling this might happen, but she seemed all right with it all and she seemed more busy with her own life than worrying about her old man. Most teens would be glad to have their parents out of the house. Maybe that was the problem, Alexis wasn't most teens.

Mother just smirked slightly and talked through a mouthful of pizza, a napkin folded over a finger. "I have no doubt that she does love Kate. This has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with you."

"I guess I have been spending a lot of time away from home." I said, pain etching along my chest at the thought that Alexis had fallen asleep when she was so upset.

"Even if you spend the entire next week with her I still think she'd be resentful, or feeling left out. She has a relationship with Kate too you know? She's talked with Kate about things she wouldn't talk to you about so she has a stake in this. You want my suggestion?"

"Not sure that I do…" I said bending down, leaning on my forearms.

"Too bad, you're getting it anyway. Involve her. Invite Kate over for dinner or a movie or something and have Alexis here as well. Let her feel like she still has a place with you—"

"She always will have a place, the first place in my heart. She—"

"Richard, just stop," Mother said, holding up a hand. "Look, I'm not questioning a darn thing you're doing, I'm just trying to tell you how she's feeling. Think about it, okay?" With that, Mother stood tossing the napkin in the trash can before placing a hand to my cheek. "I'm sure you'll figure it out." She went back up to her room and I stood there, the pizza rapidly cooling beside me, and watched her go.

Why was Alexis now having a problem? It just didn't make much sense in my head, she seemed happy that Kate and I were finally getting together and working things out, she had even told Kate to give me a second chance. Now though, if Mother was right, she was angry with me.

I pushed the plate away, my appetite disappearing. I couldn't believe that I was hurting her and didn't even realize it. What kind of father am I? I thought I was a good one, but for me to not even notice… I sighed and picked the plate back up and put it in the fridge before making my way out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

I passed by Mother's room, her light was still on and bled under the door in an orange puddle. I headed on, making my way to Alexis's room, her name plate glowing gently in the dark. I used it as my beacon and reached her door. I paused in front of it, wondering if I should really wake her up and get her to talk about what was going on. I decided that if she was asleep then it'd probably be best to just let it be until tomorrow, but what if she was up still?

Reaching out I pushed her door open and peered into the darkness. She was a mass on the bed, her back turned to me and I heard small murmurs coming from her as her legs shifted under the blankets. I walked forward into the room and closed the door as quietly as I could. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust and once they had I went to her desk and pulled her chair from it, twisting it around so that I could sit and watch her sleep.

"Dad?"

Alexis turned around to face me and I smiled back to her, her face was half lit by the light coming through her window. She had sleepy eyes, the littlest bit of drool coming from the corner of her mouth. I of course pointed it out to her and she quickly wiped at it and then furrowed her brow at me. "What are you doing?"

"Being creepy and watching you sleep, why?" I said holding my hand out. She reached out to her nightstand and flipped her light on. I had to squint against the light and it was a couple of seconds before I could see her again.

"Is everything okay?"

"You tell me," I said, putting the ball in her court. I hoped she'd tell me what was bothering her exactly, but at the same time I doubted she would. She use to tell me everything when she was little, but time has moved on and she doesn't do that much anymore. I don't want to assume what is wrong either, it'd just get me in trouble with my luck.

"Everything is fine," her eyes went searching in the room and I smiled.

"Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything, pumpkin, even if it's something you don't like about what I'm doing." So much for not assuming anything. She sat up and placed her back to her head board and looked at me with narrowed eyes.

"Grams talked to you?" I nodded and she sighed. "I'm sorry, Dad."

"Sorry?" I hadn't expected her to say that. "Sorry for what?"

"I dunno, I'm being selfish." I moved from the chair and went to sit on her bed.

"You? Selfish? You have never been selfish, you're the least selfish person I've ever known, and I knew a few nuns in my time."

"I don't want to know." She said with a small laugh and I shrugged. "I'm still sorry, it's just that, I really wanted to see you tonight. I figured you'd be home early, did you guys get a break in the case?"

"Not exactly, we have a few leads to run down."

"Good."

"Alexis, tell me what's wrong."

She looked out the window to her right for a moment, the street lights threw dim color over her face and I could see her lips working together.

"I don't know… I really don't, Dad. It's just," she shrugged and held out her hands. For the first time I could ever remember she seemed at a loss for words. "It feels like we're drifting."

"Drifting?" She nodded and looked down at her sheets. "Honey, you're never going to get rid of me. You know how Grams is still around and living with us?"

"Yeah…"

"I'm worse. I'll be living with you as soon as you're out college, giving you sage advice and disapproving of every guy you date."

"God, that would be horrible."

"Careful what you wish for." I said and returned the smile she had. We fell into a bit of silence, the traffic outside the window the only noise for a few moments. I finally moved over and placed a hand on hers.

"I was thinking of having Kate over for dinner sometime this week. Is that okay with you?"

"Sure… I guess. I can stay over at—"

"I meant with you there, just the three of us. I thought it'd be a nice little get together."

"You want me there?"

"I always want you around, you're my daughter and I'm going to be annoying you for a long time." I said and squeezed her hand. "Okay with you?"

"Yeah," she shook her head up and down a few times. "Sounds good, you don't think Beckett would mind though?"

"She loves you, sweetheart, she won't mind at all." I stood up and pulled her covers up and around her and patted them down. "Now get some sleep, you have school tomorrow and I… don't." I smirked and she grumbled under her breath.

"I know, I know. It's awesome isn't it?"

"Go to bed, Dad."

"Goodnight, pumpkin." I said and left her room, closing the door as quietly as I could. I stood there for a moment and listened as she shuffled around in her bed for a moment, getting comfortable. I hoped this would help her feel a little better about everything. I didn't know what else I could do to fix it. I didn't think not being with Kate would fix anything, in fact it might annoy Alexis more then me being with her.

When I was sure she had fallen back to sleep I turned to leave the door and found mother standing outside of hers. She was bathed in a yellowish light that came from her room and she was leaning against the doorjamb watching with a small smile.

"Spying, Mother?"

She shrugged. "You did good Kiddo, I knew I taught you well." She gave a small wave before heading into her room and closed the door, dropping the hall into darkness. I stood there for a moment and tried to shake the feeling that everything that had happened so far was part of one long dream. If it was, I never wanted to wake up.

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><p>Thanks as always to ChrisS for beta reading for me.<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

He was already at my desk when I came in the next morning. I had left home early, figuring that I'd be the only one around for a while and I could get some work done without distraction, but he was in my chair, reading a folder. When the hell did he become a morning person? Still, I couldn't say that I wasn't glad to see him there. I had missed him last night which was such an odd feeling. I had such a great time doing laser tag that I almost didn't want the night to end, even while my legs and arms ached slightly from banging in and out of cover.

I headed forward, holding my cup of coffee at my waist and hurried to reach him before he looked up. I came up right beside him without him noticing and I stood there for a moment, watching. His brow was furrowed, his hand covering his mouth and he seemed deep in thought. I couldn't stop myself from wondering what was going through that mind of his. It had to be a crazy place, but probably amazing too. Maybe that was the way with all writers, I could imagine thoughts and ideas zooming through his head like jets.

I cleared my throat and placed a hand to my hip, glaring down at him. He jumped in the chair, turned and looked at me with an arm held up as if to defend himself.

"He—hey Beckett, morning."

"Didn't we have a talk about this before?" I asked, trying my best to seem annoyed, which wasn't too hard considering that he was once AGAIN in my chair.

"About what?" He said confusion playing on his face and it was sort of cute because I didn't see it often.

"Get out of my chair, Castle." I said shaking my head in disbelief and pointed to his chair. He jumped out of my seat like it was on fire and then moved it forward, holding the back of it.

"Sorry, right, completely forgot." I sat down and he rounded the chair and sat in his own beside my desk. "Was just looking over the file while I waited for you."

"How long have you been here?"

He shrugged. "An hour? Maybe an hour and a half, why?"

"You're never here that early, everything okay?"

"Yeah, I guess." I didn't like the sound of that. I turned in my chair to face him and pulled myself closer. He looked up at me and his hands fidgeted slightly.

"Castle, come on, tell me." He gave a dejected sigh and looked up to the ceiling for a moment.

"It's Alexis." I really didn't like the sound of this. I felt my heart skip a beat as worry washed over me. Did something happen to her? Was she okay? I took a deep breath and had to remind myself that it was Castle, that he sometimes blew things out of proportion when it came to Alexis. I didn't blame him, but it made dealing with stuff a little harder.

"What's wrong with Alexis?" I tried to keep the worry out of my voice but the look on his face told me I hadn't done a very good job.

"She's okay, well for the most part, it's nothing major." I sighed in relief.

"Don't scare me like that." I said and narrowed my eyes at him, frowning.

"Sorry. I was wondering, do you want to come over for dinner sometime?"

"You went from Alexis having a problem, to asking me to dinner?"

"It has to do with Alexis still." He said and turned his attention to me in full. "I want us three to get together so she doesn't feel like I'm leaving her out. It's just a dinner, it'll be fun. If you don't want to—"

"I'd love to, least the dinner conversation will be more interesting." I said smirking.

"You sure are hurtful, you know that?" He said and his lips curved slightly.

"You're a big boy, you'll get over it."

"You'll have to make it up to me if you keep going like that." He said, waggled his eyebrows and I laughed, picking up the folder.

"Maybe you'll get a kiss later." I said as I began to skim the pages.

"Better than nothing," he said. "You know, I saw something interesting in that file."

I looked over, giving him a questioning look. He just smiled and I was about to hit him. He was playing a game again, the same way Ryan would withhold information from me, making me guess. Did they not get that I hated when they did that? I was about to reach over and give Rick a quick slap when he seemed to figure out where this was heading and began to speak.

"Remember Booth Girl?" I shook my head, racking my memory for a girl with that sort of name and came up empty. His grin fell. "Seriously?"

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Seriously."

"Seriou—?"

"Castle. What about her?" He pulled his chair up so that he was right beside me. I could smell his aftershave and it was a little overpowering, but not unpleasant. He reached over my arm and pulled the folder from my hand and flipped through a couple of pages and then stopped, skimming the page.

"Here, read that." He pointed at a paragraph near the bottom of the third page.

_Arrested for racketeering and forgery, Alison Matthews spent five years in prison. She is on parole for the next three years._

"Sound fishy to you? One of our vics is working a scam, and Kerr is in on it, and then, oh look, Booth Girl has done this before."

"Are we sure this is booth girl? Didn't that kid call her Kris?"

"It has to be, Kerr gave us the information and Ryan ran it through records, didn't he?" I took a deep breath. I had Ryan run through everyone at the theater the day before, but I hadn't found the time to actually read the report. I couldn't believe Bo— Alison was right there, and with a sheet like she had I couldn't think of a better person for our killer… except why she would do it.

"Okay, so she did some jail time, why would she kill two men she barely knew?" I said and looked over. He went to say something and then stopped and then started again. His eyes narrowed as he thought.

"I'm not sure, but it wouldn't hurt to talk to her, would it?"

"I'll get Esposito and Ryan to bring her in for a little chat." I placed the folder back in the pile and picked up my coffee and took a sip. I could feel him watching me and I glanced over to see his eyes locked on the cup that was halfway to my lips. "What?"

"You know, I always bring you coffee, would it kill you to bring me some once in a while?"

"I didn't even know you were going to be here!"

He shrugged. "Not a very good excuse."

I sighed heavily and took a long sip from the cup and then held it out to him. "Here."

He pushed my hand away. "I was kidding, Kate, sheesh."

"No, you're going to drink the rest of it even if I have to force it down your throat."

He laughed and I glared at him to no effect. "I always liked it rough."

I handed the cup over and sat back in my chair, stretching slightly. Sleep hadn't come easy last night and I was starting to feel the effects. I watched him sip the coffee, his gaze was to the middle the bullpen but I knew he didn't see anything. He was thinking, and I had long since learned the look he had when he fell deep in thought.

"So, when is this dinner?"

"Huh?" He said and looked over.

"This dinner with Alexis and you, when is it?"

"Planning dinner?" I started and turned to look up at Ryan. How the hell did he keep sneaking up on us like that? I sat up in my chair, trying to hide the blush that I could feel creeping up my cheeks. I met his eyes easily though, and he looked away from me and to Rick after a moment. "Are you two having dinner together?"

"Sort of," Rick said and I had to fight everything not to turn to him and shove him off the chair. I had a feeling he had an idea and while that always worried me it seemed better to just let him play it out. I could always kill him later if it came to that. He turned and smiled at me and then back at Ryan, completely relaxed.

"What do you mean sort of? What the hell is going on between you two?" He glanced at me for only a second. "Something fishy is happening, so tell me."

Rick shrugged and turned to me. "Should we tell him, darling?" My breath caught in my throat, my heart joined it a moment later followed by my stomach. What the hell was he thinking? I took a shuddering breath and licked my lips as I tried to get myself back under control.

"Why, what ever do you mean?" I said in a voice that matched his own and he smiled at it. Oh, he was a deadman.

"Oh, come, come, we knew we couldn't hide it forever. They're not stupid after all."

"Got that right," Ryan said grinning. I don't pray often but I was praying right then that Rick knew what the hell he was doing.

"Then you tell them." I said and looked back to my desk.

"Very well… you see Ryan, Beckett and I are getting married."

"WHAT?" Ryan and I both said in unison. I stood up and took a step so that I was towering over him, my fists clenched. I really was going to break his nose now. He started to laugh and held out his hands, catching my wrists.

"Sorry! I'm sorry! I couldn't resist since Ryan needed to know so bad."

"So you two aren't…" Ryan said, he looked so confused, his forehead wrinkled and his eyes searched between me and Rick.

"Didn't I explain this last time? She hates me, she would never date me, I've tried."

"I do hate him." I said and pulled my wrists free from his hands and sat down in my chair, crossed my arms.

"Yeah, but the dinner…"

Rick shook his head, chuckled. "Alexis is taking a cooking class, and I'm her guinea pig… I offered Beckett a chance to stop by since Alexis is a great cook. Wouldn't be fair to keep her all to myself."

"Right. There is still something going on."

"Believe what you like, Ryan. Don't you have some work to do?" I asked, still feeling the embarrassment and anger bubbling inside. Rick should not have been able to get to me like he was. He wasn't being mean, but he still could push my buttons better than ever before.

"Not at the moment really, just got in." He said smiling. I smiled back and his fell.

"Well, you do now," I said and held out the folder that Rick and I had been looking at. "Pick up Allison and bring her in."

"Seriously?"

"Do I look like I'm joking? Go on, she might be at the theater, or at the address, but I doubt it's correct."

"Can I at least wait for Esposito to come in?"

"Sure, if you want to waste time, and we all know how much I love that." He mumbled a curse and turned away, slapping the folder against his knee. Maybe I was little over the line, but I hated how well everyone seemed to be able to read Rick and I. I was trying my hardest not to show that something had changed, and yet everyone seemed to be able to see it.

"Why didn't you tell him about the parole officer?"

"He can read, and if he doesn't… well, it'd teach him a lesson."

"You're an evil woman."

"Some days," I said with a smirk and picked up my pen while he laughed and finished off the coffee. "Anyway, back to my question before he interrupted, when's this dinner?"

"Tomorrow sound good? Or would a weekend work better?"

I shrugged. I didn't know when would work well. It really depended on the case and how busy things got. I told him so and he shrugged.

"We can always pick a day and see if it works out. I don't think it would be a problem to reschedule if we have to."

"Then let's shoot for tomorrow. If we're lucky Alison is our girl and we'll be done with this case."

"Yes… but when have we ever been that lucky?" He had a point, but I still held out a little hope.

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><p>As always a great big thanks to ChrisS for beta reading.<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Alison Mathews? That is your name, isn't it?" Kate asked as we walked into the room. Again her entire being changed: her stance, her body language, the air around her. It seemed all carefully crafted to put the suspect on edge, and it worked wonders, no matter who you were.

"I go by Kristin now." Booth girl said and picked at one of the bracelets she still had around her wrist. We sat down across from her.

"Right, right, must be hard to get a job with your record. I'd change my name too." Kate said.

"Look, what is this about? That stuff happened a long time ago, I've been straight for a while."

I laughed. "You've been out for five months. That's not a long time."

"Gotta start somewhere." She said and shrugged.

"You didn't even last that long," Kate said, and leaned forward. "Did you? I've been hearing stories of what went down at the theater."

"What went down? I told you I didn't know anything was going on there. I just hand out the damn tickets."

"Oh, come on, _Kristen_," Kate said and I smirked at how she said it. It wasn't lost on the girl either, she narrowed her eyes and glared. "With your record you'd be the perfect person to give these new guys a hand. That was why Kerr hired you, wasn't it?"

Kristen sat back, crossed her arms over her chest and turned her gaze to the wall. I had seen that pose enough to know that she was walling herself off. I had also seen Kate in action enough to know it was pointless for her to even try. I folded my hands in front of me and waited for Kate to start.

Kate stood from her chair and went around the table. The girl didn't take notice until Kate stood right in front of her. "Look, Kristen, just tell me what happened. I don't really care if you were back to your old ways, I just want to know what happened with Jason and Tim Regal. That's it."

"I don't know, I already told you." She said and turned to face me. "I stayed away, all right? Yes, Steve hired me because of my record, he thought I could help him from getting screwed by Jason. So… I helped him out when I could, but I really tried not to. I just needed a job, a new start."

"So, what? Did Jason push things too far? Did Tim somehow get in the way? Why'd you kill them?"

"I didn't! Oh God, I didn't hurt anyone. I swear!" She broke down into tears, her face in her hands and for a moment I thought she was faking. To be honest she might have been, but there was something about it that made me think she wasn't our killer. I wouldn't have trusted just that feeling, it was Kate who walked over to me and tapped me on a shoulder that made me believe that she wasn't it.

"Okay, Kristen, just hang here for a minute." The girl nodded with her face still in her hands and I followed Kate out into the hall. We stood side by side, each of us with our gaze to the floor until Kate placed her back against the wall and looked up to the ceiling tiles.

"What do you think?" She asked, her voice tired sounding. She must've of not slept too well.

"I don't think she killed anyone. I'm positive she helped Steve and Jason out."

"That doesn't really help us though, does it?" She said and I heard her nails tap along the plaster wall. "Let's hope Ryan and Esposito find something."

"Find something? Where are they?"

"At Alison's… or Kristen's apartment. Going through her things and… speak of the devils." She said and pushed off the wall as the two detectives came off of the elevator. They weren't smiling, but they didn't seem all that down either. "Get anything?"

Esposito shook his head. "Place was a wreck, and I think she had a cat somewhere with the smell, but no guns, no credit cards, nothing."

"Damn," Kate said and frowned.

"Are you sure she's the one?" Ryan asked, peaking through the frosted glass of the door.

"I dunno, if not her I don't know who to look at next. There is something we're missing here and I can't see it." Kate said and headed back to her desk. I followed closely behind and the boys followed me. She dropped into her chair heavily and turned her gaze to the murder board that we hadn't been giving much attention to lately. She'd add too it from time to time, but so far we always had some suspect to move on to so there wasn't much time spent in front of it. "It's here, somewhere."

"What is?" Ryan asked.

"The answer to why these two were killed and who did it." Kate said leaning back in her chair and looking over the board. She had a pen at her bottom lip and her eyes darted over everything.

"Oh, it's on the board? And here we were going around town picking people up." Ryan said and in unison we all turned to look at him, glaring. He took a deep breath and stepped back.

"What are you thinking, Beckett?" I asked and stood next to the board. The timeline didn't help much. We knew around when Jason was killed due to the ticket stub, we had no idea when Tim was killed, other than a rough TOD. The board was sickly barren even with Kate's neat hand writing all over it.

She shook her head and held her hands out to her side, her elbows on the armrests. "It's gotta be here, thats all I know. It all started with Regal. He was the first vic, we know he left home around eleven, according to his wife. He never came back. Lanie's time of death puts him around 12 to 3. But why was he up in a tree?"

"Treehouse?" I said, not sure what the answer was. She pursed her lips and gave a slight shake. "I dunno, maybe to buy our killer some time to get away?"

"How would he _or_ she get him up there?" Esposito asked and took a seat on the corner of Kate's desk.

"Maybe Regal wanted something and the killer had put it in the tree?" Ryan asked, he stood behind Kate, a hand to his chin. He was probably hoping out of sight was out of mind since he wasn't doing too well today. I caught Kate's eye and gave a shrug.

"It's possible."

"Okay, let's say Ryan is right for once—"

"Hey!"

She ignored him. "Why was Jason up in the tree?"

"Same deal?" I said after writing what we had discussed on the bottom of the board. I heard her stand up and she came up beside me and set herself against the edge of the board.

"We know Regal wasn't in on the credit card stuff and the stolen goods. His credit card was stolen and we know that Jason use to sell stuff outside the theater."

"But what about the coins? Regal didn't collect coins." I said.

"Tim didn't, but we don't know if anyone else in that family collected them. He had two kids, maybe he was looking for some cheap coins in Jason's stash." She turned and looked at Ryan and Esposito and they both groaned. "Oh stop, I'm just asking one of you to call Mrs. Regal. You don't have to drive up there."

"I'll do it," Esposito said and headed back toward his desk.

"Just see if anyone in her family collects coins, or anything else." She called after him and he gave a wave of acknowledgement. She turned her eyes back to the board. She tapped her finger against her lip, thinking. I couldn't help but watch, it was one of my favorite things, to see her working over a problem.

"So, say Tim was shopping for coins, would that be something to kill a guy over?" Ryan asked and I didn't know what to say for an answer. Something was still missing. Something that made it fit together. He went down there and had his credit card stolen, then two days later he's dead in a tree. Why? He—

"He confronted Jason—" Kate and I said together and turned to each other.

"Jason stole his credit card, Tim figures it had to be him since that was the last place he was before it went missing—" Kate said moving back to her desk and I mirrored her. We sat down across from each other, playing out the story.

"Tim comes back, asks what the hell Jason was thinking and Jason says, let's not talk here, you'll scare away my customers. I'm sure we could come to an understanding—"

"So the two of them go off to the park, it's late, not too many people are around, at least not ones that would care what they were doing. Tim tells him he wants his money back. Jason says sure, I have a stash place here—"

"And it's in the tree. Jason says Tim can have it and that he had to get back to his little store. 'Take what you think is fair' he says. Tim thinks, what the hell, he's heard of odder things. Jason had probably been robbed before so he stashed his money out of the way. He climbs the tree and once he's up in the tree Jason—"

"Shoots him twice in the back. Done, it's over, no more trouble." Kate said and then stopped. "That doesn't explain how Jason got killed through."

"Maybe this will," we all turned at Esposito's voice. In his hand he held a piece of paper and he looked down at it as he spoke. "I just got off the phone with Regal's widow, turns out that someone in their family does collect coins—"

"Who?" I asked, cutting him off and he just stared me down. I swallowed hard and motioned with my hand for him to continue. He held the paper out to Kate.

"Regal's son, Dillion. Kid loved coins and his dad would stop at street sales and pick ones up from time to time."

"Please tell me he's not ten years old." Kate said standing up.

"Seventeen. And get this… he's been working at a theater. A job he got _after_ his dad was killed. Mom said he couldn't stand being at home all day while his dad's killer was on the loose."

I stood up, a memory popping into my head. "The kid at the concession stand, the one that ran out on us. Allison had said he was a pot head… what if he ran out because he was worried we'd want to talk to him."

"Dammit," Kate said, the paper crinkling in her hand. She stood up and made her way back toward the interrogation room. It happened with such sudden movement that at first I didn't know what she had planned. I stood and followed her after a quick look to the guys who looked even more confused. She stalked into the interrogation room and closed the door before I could get there and I paused outside it. Did I really want to go in there and interrupt her? I decided to go to the observation room instead and Ryan and Esposito joined me.

"Alison—" Kate began as she sat down across from the girl.

"Kristen."

"I don't care." Kate shot back and the girl looked up slightly startled. "I've got two murders and a murderer still out on the loose. I'm not playing games anymore, do you get me?"

Alison nodded.

"Good. Now, Jason and you worked togeth—"

"We didn't work together, he worked with Steve, I just—"

"Stop lying. Stop it right now, Alison. You know it's a lie and I know it's a lie. You two worked together, did you kill together as well?"

"Kill? I didn't kill anyone!"

"Well, Jason did, he killed Tim Regal—" Kate reached into the folder and slammed down the morgue photo of Regal. "Just because he wanted to be repaid the money that was stolen from him. Probably also didn't like that the coins he bought in the first place were fake, but that's another matter. Jason killed him over money. Did you know about it?"

She shook her head, tears welled at the corner of her eyes, but Kate didn't seem to care. It was sort of scary to see her like this, I had only seen it once before and I'm not sure if I ever want to again.

"Stop it with the waterworks, all right? Did you know? Did anyone know?"

"I… I knew. Okay? I knew. He told me about it the next day." Alison sniffed heavily and wiped her hand across the end of her nose.

"Anyone else know? Because someone killed Jason, was that you?"

"No! I didn't kill anyone, how many time—"

"Then who did, Alison, you need to give me something to go on here. Right now the ball is in your court. Who else knew?"

"I don't know, I honestly don't know! He only told me, no one else was around… wait."

Kate stood up at the word and I saw the smallest hint of a small cross her lips. She still looked stone cold, but she was about to get what she wanted. "What do you mean 'wait'?"

"Dillion… he was outside. He was hired that day and I was showing him the ropes. During lunch Jason stopped by and we went into Steve's office to er… talk. Dillion was sitting at the counter eating. I— I didn't notice until after Jason told me what he did that the door was open a bit. Dillion could have heard, I guess."

"His name was Dillion? Do you know his last name?" Alison shook her head. "All right. Stay here." Kate walked to the door and slammed it as she left and the girl jumped in her seat. The next moment the door to the observation room opened and she came in, looking a little happier and she gave me a small smile.

"Can't be positive, but Dillion is our best bet." She turned to the two detectives. "I know it's a pain, but can you bring him in?"

"That's gonna be tough." Esposito said, his face dejected.

"I'm not going to like this, am I?" Kate said and her hands dropped to her hips as she took a step forward. Esposito ran a hand across the back of his neck and his voice was soft.

"Uh no, probably not. His mom hasn't seen him since yesterday and she doesn't know where he could be."

"All right, he couldn't have gotten far, get his picture out to the bus and train stations. If he even gets near one of those I want him picked up."

"What if he's going by car?" I asked and she looked to me and shrugged.

"Then we're screwed, we can't shut down all the roads out of the city. So let's hope he tries hopping a bus or train. Just in case though I'll talk to his mom, find out what kind of car he drives and put out a BOLO on it. All we can do after that is hope."

I did, I hoped with everything I had. Yet at the same time I sort of hoped we didn't find him. I could understand his reason for killing Jason. Finding out your father is killed by some jackass over money would probably push just about anyone over the edge especially if they knew who did it. It'd just be a sad ending for the family that had lost so much already. But happy endings were for fiction, what was fact is that he had to be caught. He had to be brought to justice… I didn't have to like it.

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><p>As always an atlas sized thanks to ChrisS for beta reading.<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Dillion Regal went to a bus station with a ticket to Philadelphia just a half-hour shy of beating his photo. I couldn't believe we got that lucky but within two hours we had him in interrogation. I knew Rick was sort of hoping we didn't find him, because in a way I was hoping the same. I hated these kinds of murders, it made me question what I know is law.

But, is it so wrong for a son to avenge his father? The law says it is, and yet I've wanted to do that very thing for years. I wanted to kill that bastard that killed my mother, and I did. I wanted justice, but in the end I got another wall. I didn't get those that had paid him to do such a thing, or the why he was paid to kill her. There was a small bit of comfort knowing he'd never do that to another family. He'd never steal away another life. Dillion had done the same as I had, yet he would be going to jail for it.

I opened the door to the room and found the kid from the theater sitting with his hands in his lap. His thin face was drawn tight and the area around his eyes was red and puffy. I heard Rick step in behind me and I moved forward again and took a seat.

"Dillion?" I said, trying to keep my voice soft, caring. It wasn't hard, I felt bad for the kid. "Dillion, I'm Detective Kate Beckett, this is Richard Castle."

He looked up at each of us in turn and gave a small nod. He licked his lips and then looked back to the table.

"Do you know why you're here?" He nodded his head.

"Jason Rayner." He said, his voice cracking slightly.

"Yes, did you kill him, Dillion."

"Yes." I hadn't expected him to come out and say it. I expected him to deny it with everything he had. To try to plea bargain, to do something other then just say flat out what he did.

"Yes, you did kill him?"

"Yes, he killed my dad so… I killed him."

"How Dillion?" I said, hoping he was covering for someone, but in my gut I knew he wasn't.

"I stopped by after work and told him I had something really cool to sell him, some rare coins. He liked coins, almost as much as I did." He smiled slightly, an evil little smile that gave me the creeps, and I had to wonder if I had ever done that. "He had no idea who I was. He had no idea that he had sold my dad two fake quarters a few days before, or that he had killed him.

"Dad had taken one of the coins with him after I told him they were fake. He wanted to get his money back, and then a few hours later he noticed some charges on his credit card. He went down there to talk to this Jason guy and… never came back." He choked out the last bit, a few tears falling from the corners of his eyes and I had to swallow hard to keep myself from following. I turned to look at Rick beside me and his eyes glistened slightly.

Dillion sighed heavily. "So, I got him to come out with me to the park because I said I didn't want to show them in the middle of the street, someone might start asking questions…" He smiled suddenly and began to circle a finger over the table. "I'm sure he figured he'd just steal the coins from me, but there were no coins. Just us, a tree and my Dad's gun.

"I told him what he had done and he begged me to let him live. He apologized over and over again and I couldn't help but laugh. It was so absurd, like something out of a crime comedy. I told him if he could get up the tree and stay there as I left I'd let him live."

"But you didn't." Rick said and Dillion looked to him and nodded.

"No, I shot him like he shot my dad. He deserved so much worse. Maybe he's getting it now where ever assholes like him go. I put the second coin in his pocket. I didn't want it anymore. It had brought nothing but trouble."

I reached next to me and slid a piece of paper toward him with a pen and said, "Please, could you write that all down." He took the pen without hesitation and began to write. I couldn't believe how calm he was. He didn't seem like a murderer, and maybe he didn't see himself as one. He probably saw what he did as justice served, and maybe… in some ways it was.

I waited until the uniforms came and got him to take him for arraignment. He still looked calm when they handcuffed him and took him out of the station and I stood there for a long moment wishing there was something I could do for him; something I could do for that family, but I was just a detective. I had no say after I caught the killer.

"You all right?" I turned to find Rick beside me, his hand heavy on my shoulder and I leaned into it. I shook my head.

"No, I don't feel good about this win."

"Me either," he said. "What do you think is going to happen to him?"

"I don't know, what I hope is that he gets the least amount of years, but I'm not sure if any judge would be that lenient." I moved away from him and went over to the murder board. Looking at the pictures and information knowing what I knew now I couldn't believe it took me so long to see it. It stared me in the face now, the entire story was there. I hated that feeling, but I got it after every case I solved, that I should have seen it sooner.

I reached out and began to pull the pictures off, filing them away in a folder. I'd put them in a box later. I reached up and paused at the picture of Tim Regal. He was gone, his family had lost a part of itself, and now they were losing a son. I clenched my teeth and grabbed the corner and was about to pull it off when Rick's hand found it's way on mine. I looked over and he smiled sadly at me.

"Do you have to do this now?"

"Now is as good of a time as any." I said, but really I just wanted to get it over with. I wanted to put this case behind me a soon as I could because it scared me. The idea that I could cross the line like Dillion had always sat in the back of my mind, but now it was banging at the front door. It scared me. I knew if I was in the same situation as Dillion I'd have done the same, if not worse.

"Come on, let's go get something to eat, we can come back to this later." His hand brought mine down. "I'll help you."

"No," I said and pulled my hand from his as gently as I could. "But you're welcome to help me."

He nodded and began to clean the white board with the eraser and spray. We worked in silence until it was bare. It never stayed that way long, and sometimes I would wonder if there would ever be a day when it would be bare for longer than a couple of hours. The world was a sick place, I had learned that at a young age, but that didn't mean it could be lawless. That kept me going, the idea that what I did helped in someway. But as I stood there looking at the bare board I began to wonder if it did.

"Come on, I'm buying." Rick said, his hand finding it's way into mine and he pulled me gently. I went with it, wanting to get away from the board and he released my hand as I began to follow him. I wished he hadn't, I could have used his touch for a little while, but I understood. Everyone was still in the station and walking out holding hands would raise questions.

We stopped at Ryan's desk and he looked up from his computer with a small smile. "Heading out?"

"Yeah," I said. "I need some air I think."

"Take your time, Beckett. Ryan and I can hold down the fort."

"Thanks guys," Rick said and they nodded with a small smile and I followed Rick into the elevator and went to the back wall, leaning against it.

Rick moved in next to me as the doors closed, but he didn't push a button. He turned to me instead.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked and I looked over feeling tired. I just wanted to go home and forget about everything, but the day still had a few hours left in it.

"Talk about what?" I didn't think he'd buy that nothing was wrong, but I had to give it a shot. He looked to the doors and then moved closer to me so that our shoulders touched and he canted his head toward me and whispered near my ear.

"I know when something is bothering you."

"Oh, you do?"

"Yup, your nose scrunches up in a very cute way and you bite on the insides of your bottom lip."

"You think you can read me that well?" I couldn't help feeling vulnerable at the idea and my voice sounded mean even to me. He shrugged and smiled.

"Yes, I do."

"Right…"

"So, what is it? It's something with this case, I know that much. Is it Dillion?"

How did he do that? How did he always seem to know? I didn't seem to be able to keep anything from him, he could read me like a book and it bothered me so much. I didn't like being that open with someone which was probably why most of my relationships didn't go well in the end, but with Rick, I didn't have a choice.

I sighed and he looked over. "Dillion didn't do anything that I haven't wanted to do a million times. If I had known who killed my mother back then I'd be serving a jail term for murder right now."

"I don't believe that." He said it with such assurance that I was at a lost for words for a moment.

"You don't? I can tell you right now I've thought about doing exactly what he did. Killing those bastards the same way they killed my mom. I've thought about it a lot."

"Of course, anyone would, but I don't think you would go through with it. The only reason you shot Coonan was because he didn't give you any choice. If you had one you wouldn't have. And you won't kill the people who paid him either if you have a choice."

"Why?" He laughed gently and turned to look at me the same smile as before still there and he leaned a little more into me.

"Well, there's no doubt you could if you wanted to, but you wouldn't. The thought would cross your mind of course, but in the end? You'd do what was right because that is who you are. You wouldn't allow yourself to become what you have fought all these years."

"Sometimes I wonder…"

"I don't. You know we will find the bastards that had your mother killed, it's only a matter of time. When we do we'll see how things go."

"You seem so sure that you know everything about me."

"Not everything, but I know a few things." He turned to me fully and pulled me away from the wall and into his arms. He bent down and our lips met for a moment. He kissed me gently and deeply, his arms squeezing me to him. He pulled away after a moment and looked at me. "I know that this drives you crazy," he bent down again and this time went for my neck, gently kissing his way down to my collarbone and I felt myself shiver. I pushed him away with a small laugh and he grinned.

"You're such an ass."

"Well, I mean, it is a nice ass, but I don't think that's all there is to me."

"Then you think much too highly of yourself… but I'll admit the rest of you isn't so bad."

"I'm glad you approve, ma'am. Maybe now we can go get something to eat, or should we continue what we started here in the elevator?"

"In your dreams."

"To which? Because both things have happened in my dreams."

I shook my head trying to fight the smile but I lost. "There is something wrong with you."

"So people keep telling me, but they never tell me what." He went over and pushed the button for the lobby.

"Give me a couple of hours, I'll give you an itemized list." He laughed hard, his eyes squinting and his lips in a large grin. I loved seeing that face and hearing that laugh. I loved seeing him.

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><p>As always, a great big thanks to ChrisS for beta reading.<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

"She's going to be here soon." Alexis said as she glanced up at the clock on the microwave. I was just finishing up the steaks, and she was setting at the table. I turned to look at the clock as well and frowned. I wouldn't be done cooking in time, but I didn't think she'd care too much.

"All right, well get out the glasses and the wine."

"And juice."

"Yes, and juice," I said with a small smile. She rounded the counter and grabbed a bottle of wine from the wine rack that sat beside the fridge and put it in the middle of the table. She got the juice and filled her glass before putting it back and then came to the counter to watch me cook.

"Nervous?" Alexis asked and grinned. She was leaning on her elbows, dressed in a button down shirt and knee length skirt, her hair was pulled back but she brushed a few loose strands behind her ear as she looked up to me. I shrugged and flipped the last steak. It began to sizzle in the pan.

"A little bit, I guess. Why? Are you?"

"Me? Nervous?" she said and looked away with a quick wave of her hand. I waited for the true answer. "A little bit… what if she doesn't like the dinner? What if she finds me boring or annoying?"

"You had dinner with her before, it went well didn't it?"

"Yeah, but I had something to talk about then, now I don't."

"We'll all have stuff to talk about during dinner, and if not we can always play charades." I said and took the last steak out and placed it in a pan with three others before sticking it in the oven. "Look, she's going to be nervous enough for both of us I'm sure, so don't worry about anything, it'll all work out."

She looked at me, her head canted and a look of surprise came over her face. "When did you become so assured when it came to Beckett?"

"Old Dog…" I said and she laughed just as the doorbell rang. Her laughter died. I took a deep breath and pulled off the apron I was wearing and placed it crumpled up on the counter. "Well, here we go."

I went to the door and looked through the peek-hole. I didn't want to be surprised by anyone else being behind the door. Kate was standing outside, her jacket over an arm. Her hair was done up on the back of her head and she was wearing a white button down blouse. She kept looking around her, her hands together in front of her. I reached for the doorknob and pulled the door open.

She looked up, her eyes dancing over me. "Hey," I said. She licked her lips and they went into a thin smile as she tilted her head to the side.

"Hey," she repeated in the same tone I had used. I stepped out into the hall and took her jacket from her while bending down for a quick kiss. She turned her head up to meet me as she wasn't wearing heels again.

"I'm glad you're here," I said when we parted.

"So am I."

"I am too." I turned on my heel to see Alexis standing behind us both with her arms crossed. "But maybe you'd let her in dad so I can ask you your intentions."

Kate laughed behind me, a small giggle that I hadn't heard before, but I wanted to hear a lot more of. I placed myself against the door and motioned her in with my arms. She walked past me and into Alexis's waiting arms. They hugged tightly, both smiling.

"Thanks for having me." She said when they moved away and she looked back at me for a moment.

I hung up Kate's coat as she and Alexis talked and made their way over to the table. They seemed to be getting along pretty well, and I had the first glimpse at how their dinner so many months ago had gone. Alexis had her arm around Kate's waist as they walked and Kate had her hand on Alexis's shoulder, smiling brightly and laughing at things I couldn't hear. I couldn't remember another time that Alexis seemed so at ease around someone other than me. Gina and Meredith were close, but Meredith tended to try Alexis more than anything and Gina… well they got along but they weren't exactly close.

I was protective of Alexis, crazy protective of her in fact and I never really realized it. That was one of the few good things about getting back with Gina for a little. I got to see one of the things that destroyed us all those years ago. It's weird though, I didn't have the same protective feelings when she was with Kate. Maybe because Kate could kick my ass if I acted like I did with Gina, or maybe it was because Alexis already went to Kate with stuff; stuff she couldn't with me.

I had been a single dad for a very long time, and sharing my daughter was tough for me, but I had already made the decision that I wouldn't let my feelings of being left out ruin anything again.

"Dad?" I looked up at the sound of Alexis and found her and Kate standing by the table, they were both looking at me.

"Huh, what?"

"The steaks?" She pointed over to the kitchen. I swore and took off for the stove, sliding slightly on the floor as I came to the front of it. I threw the door down and looked in. They were slightly over done but they didn't look too bad. I grabbed an oven mitt and pulled the pan out and sat it on top of the oven. I looked up to find Kate on the other side of the counter, watching me with a small smile.

"Nice, just a little crispy."

"Sorry," I said and began to cut into one of the steaks to check that it was cooked all the way through. They were, and just right in my opinion.

"I'm kidding, Rick, they look great."

"Only the best for the women in my life," I said and asked Alexis to bring over each plate. I had cooked up some onions and a few other things, and made baked potatoes. I loaded each plate with the food and handed it back to Alexis who placed it on the table. That done I put the pan and the utensils into the sink before joining the two girls at the table.

They were already seated by the time I got there and I took my seat at the head. Alexis on my left and Kate on my right. "Well, dig in," I said once I was settled.

I filled Kate's and my glass with wine and we began to eat and talk, and eat some more. The steaks were better than I thought they would be, the onions and tomatoes really brought out more of a flavor to the meat and I was the first one to finish. I had always been a fast eater and I sat back in my chair as the two girls were only a little more than halfway done.

"Did you inhale it?" Kate asked as she cut another piece from the steak and I smiled.

"What can I say? I love my cooking, not as much as Alexis's but I'm all right."

"Your dad told me you were an amazing cook, but the Chicken Alfredo… just wow."

"When did you try my Alfredo?" Alexis said looking between me and Kate. I smiled and turned my gaze to Kate to let her explain. She swallowed hard.

"Well, we came back here for dinner after the book signing. I figured he told you."

"No… he didn't." She turned a glare to me and I quickly changed the subject.

"So, how has Ash been?"

"Oh, the boyfriend?" Kate said and smirked as color rose in Alexis's cheeks.

"He's fine, actually he called earlier, we're going out to a movie later tonight… if that's all right with you." She turned to me as she spoke.

"As long as you don't buy anything outside of the theater other than a ticket."

"Huh?"

"Don't ask," Kate said and smacked my arm. "So, you two have been together for a while now, I'm surprised your dad hasn't scared him away yet."

"He nearly did with the gun."

"Gun?" Kate looked over to me in surprise. I wasn't liking the way this conversation was going.

"Yeah, me and Ash were on the couch… er—"

"Go on, say it Alexis. What were you two doing?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

"We were kissing, all right? He just barged in with this gun, Ash nearly had a heart attack."

"Where'd you get a gun?" Kate said after a moment.

"Remember that Steampunk club? I got one from there for my Steampunk costume." Kate made an ahhing sound and turned back to Alexis.

"Well, if your dad can't scare him away he may be a keeper."

"Oh yes, let's marry her off while she's barely sixteen."

Kate narrowed her eyes at me and I looked away. "I didn't say that, what's your issue?"

"Dad has problems with boyfriends."

"Really?" Kate said and the glare turned to a grin. "What's wrong, Castle? Afraid they're gonna be too much like you?"

"Yes… very much so." I said and she laughed.

"I'm pretty sure Alexis can take care of herself, and deal with anyone who acts like you. After all she has been raised by you so I doubt she'll have any problem with some boy."

"Oh, now we're just being mean." I said and they both laughed. "Am I going to see Ash tonight?"

"Probably, he's stopping by to pick me up around eight I think. You should meet him, Beckett."

"I'd love to and I promise I won't threaten him with my gun."

"You brought your gun?" I asked and she looked at me, confused.

"I always have my gun. I don't know when I'm gonna be called to go to a scene."

"So you didn't bring it just to shoot me if I get out of line?"

"Well, there is that option of course."

"And me without my vest." I stood up and took my plate back over to the sink as neither of them had finished yet. I got myself a cup of coffee from the pot and sat back down. They were chatting away again and I joined in when they started talking about books. Somehow Naked Heat came up and Kate asked Alexis what she thought.

"I'm his first reader on all his books," she said.

"Even the parts with…"

"Sex?"

"Yeah…" Kate said, her brows raised and I couldn't keep from laughing.

"Someone has to edit his first drafts, did you know he had this character named Schlemming in the book? The guy was beyond stupid and didn't really fit as a love interest for Nikki. Dad kept him in until the publisher told him to get rid of him even after I told him a number of times to drop him."

"Schlemming? Really…?" I was going to kill Alexis, I had been able to hide that detail from Kate and while it helped me write the book, Schlemming really didn't work and I wouldn't have kept him. The name was too easy to guess, but now Kate knew and I just sighed. "You had a character named Schlemming?"

"For a little, but I took him out." She just shook her head and looked back to Alexis.

"Anyway, I think it's one of his best books yet, the mystery was great, and Rook and Nikki really pulled things together. Did you like it?"

"For the most part," she said.

"Kate is a big fan of my work."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"What, aren't you a fan anymore?" I said slightly surprised, I had been teasing but she seemed a bit more serious.

"Sometimes," she said and smiled. The conversation drifted for a while, from work, to cases, to Alexis in school. It felt so natural with Kate there, like she was already part of the family. Maybe she was.

The door bell rang a little after eight and Alexis jumped from her chair, knocking the table and shaking the mugs of coffee that had replaced the steaks once everyone had finished.

The door opened and I heard Alexis talking with someone and I craned my head around to see who it was. Ash entered a moment later and Kate and I stood up to greet him.

"Evening Mr. Castle," he said. I liked the kid, he had always been respectful, but I also knew that guys did that to the face of their girlfriends parents, but weren't always like that when they parents weren't around. I got the feeling he was one of the few that were.

"Ash, good to see you." I shook his outstretched hand and Kate took a step forward.

"This is Detective Beckett," Alexis said coming up beside Ash and he held out his hand, shaking.

"Detective? You're with the NYPD?"

"Yup, for quite a while now. I work in homicide."

"Oh," was all he managed to say and I smiled. Kate wasn't even trying and she already freaked the kid out. I couldn't say she didn't know it either because she probably did.

"Her dad shadows me during my job, he's seen an awful lot of crime scenes, knows a lot about murder too as he's been some help. He's almost as much help as my two detectives that are under me, but then they do what I say usually, he doesn't." She turned to me with a quick smile and then looked back to Ash. Beads of sweat were starting to appear on his forehead.

"R—really?"

"Beckett." Alexis said and wrapped her hand around Ash's upper arm.

"What?" Kate said smiling. "Sorry, it's very nice to meet you, Ash."

"You… you as well Miss Beckett." They shook hands again and Alexis began to pull him out the door.

"Be home by eleven!" I called after her.

"Ten!" She said as they went out the door.

"Sweet kid," Kate said after a moment and I turned to find her a step or two behind me.

"You're evil…"

"What? Why am I evil?"

"The whole murder thing? And you say I'm bad."

"I just wanted to remind him that he better be nice to her or he's going to be in a world of trouble. Not just from you or me, as I have no doubt Ryan and Esposito would get in on it too." She said with a small laugh and came up to me, her arms draping over my shoulders. "Dinner was great, by the way."

"You liked it?" She nodded and kissed me quickly. "I hope you'll come over for more dinners."

"If you cook like that more I'll be over every night." She said and together we moved closer to the couch. I stopped and told her I'd get some more wine and went for the glasses on the table and the wine bottle. Once I had those I came back and we sat down on the couch, sipping wine and talking. Talking turned to kissing after a few minutes and kissing turned into a full on make-out. We broke apart after a little while our hands were roaming over each other and she looked at me, frowning.

"I should be going…" she said and stood. I stood up with her and reached out to stop her. I didn't want her to go. Even if we just sat on the couch and looked at the wall I'd be happy. I just wanted her to stay with me for a little while longer.

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><p>As always, a great big and giant thanks to ChrisS for beta reading.<p> 


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: WHOA! WHOA THERE! HOLD ON A MOMENT! **

Okay, heres the deal. This chapter is rated a high **M**. If you're at all offended by sexual activity or anything of that sort you should probably move a long. It's not super detailed, but I'm warning you.

WAIT! DID YOU READ THAT OR ARE YOU JUST IGNORING ME LIKE ALWAYS? Oh... you did. Well okay then.

Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen<strong>

His hand clasped around my wrist, pulling me into him with a sudden surge of strength. I hit his chest, not hard, but with force and looked up to his face. I was a few inches shorter than him without heels and I found him looking down at me, his eyes glinting with the light from the living room. We both dropped to the couch and he released me, turning his head so that we were eye to eye. I had needed to leave but those blue eyes stopped me. Fear had taken over, and yet now that he stopped me it seemed to almost dissipate.

"Listen," he said and I did, lost in his gaze for a moment and wanting to taste his lips again. His brows were raised as if to show that he was worried. "I can't promise happiness to you every day of your life, but I promise I'll try to make you happy everyday."

The writer in him was coming out, and he was getting sappy. I didn't so much mind sappy right now, I almost welcomed it. After everything that had happened in the past couple days, and the whole murder thing I could use some sappy in my life. I could use some Castle in my private life.

I nodded, not sure what to say, knowing that something was different sitting here in the dimly lit living room. I stared at him for a little bit longer, taking a mental snapshot of his expression and then dropped my head to look at my hands, my fingers fidgeting against my will. When the hell did I get nervous around a guy? Never, at least not since I was a teenager, and yet here I was feeling the slightest tremor work it's way under my skin.

"Kate?" I heard him shift on the couch, the leather crinkling under his weight. He moved so I had to see his face. "I'm not asking for anything more than we have now. Just that you'll stay a little longer."

"Why not?" I asked before I could really think the question through and apparently it took him just as off guard.

"Because I enjoy just spending time with you. I'm okay with that."

"Yeah right, guys are pigs remember?"

"True, but there are those of us out there that can wait for when the other person is completely ready… there is internet porn after all." He said with a sheepish shrug which made me laugh. He smiled broadly, and I found myself loving it. Loving him as we were right now, sitting on the couch, so close that I could smell the lingering scent of garlic and pepper from the kitchen and other things that seemed to mix together in my nose.

"You really think I haven't thought about it?" I asked and his eyes dropped to the couch for a moment.

"Not with me… have you?"

"Yes," I said, and before I could stop myself I bent forward, my hands going to his jaw, my nails touching his skin lightly. I could feel the roughness of his stubble on the pads of my fingers as I brought his head up so that our lips could meet. I pulled him closer, our lips mashing, the kiss becoming slightly wet as something else took over. It was like a dam had been broken inside me, all the holding out, all the stamping down of feelings. All of it came rushing forward and I began to stand, bringing him with me, my hands guiding him.

I had to turn my head up once we were both standing, my eyes closed so tightly that I removed a hand from his jawline and dropped it to his chest so that I could feel if he moved away. He didn't, instead he took a step closer and I felt my hands clasp at a wrinkle in his shirt, pulling and tugging at it as if it hid something valuable beneath it. I felt the front of it suddenly loosen and I dropped the hand down and under his shirt, running it over his stomach and pulling the shirt completely from the belt's restraint.

We continued to kiss, but I could feel Rick taking small steps back, being mindful of whatever was behind him, and at the same time I felt a roaming hand at my stomach. His fingers tickled the bottom of it, looking for a way in. Finally he found it and his hands rushed over my skin, making it tremble even more. His hands floated over my stomach, the bottom three ribs and then reached my bra where he stopped and gently cupped what he found there. A small moan escaped away from my mouth and into his.

There wasn't physical pleasure just yet, though it was on it's way with how his hand was moving. It was emotional release, finally after all this time there was release; or at least the beginnings of one.

He slowly pulled away, a small sucking sound escaping from us as our lips parted and I opened my eyes to see his face, eyes darting over my own and confusion washed over me, wondering why he stopped. I could still feel his hand under my shirt, it had switched to the other side, and his fingers were at the edge of the bra wire, as if asking to continue. I waited for him to say something and for a moment I didn't think he would, and then: "Unless we want to get walked in on we should probably move to a more private room."

I swallowed hard, nodded and he grinned. He removed his hand from under my shirt and I did the same, missing his warmth until those hands clasped and he pulled me along in a rush to his room. I stumbled once or twice, but never fell, laughing each time. I could hear his own laughter echoing in my ears and he turned once he opened the door, drawing me into him again and his hand found its place back where it had been. We paused there and it was then I remembered the gun against the small of back. I took a step away from him and pulled it from its holster and unloaded it. I couldn't help but smile at the small look of worry that crossed his face.

"Don't worry." I said and he just nodded slowly. I reached past him and placed the gun and clip on top of a bookshelf in his room before turning back to him. Once the gun was down he smiled again and wrapped his arms around me, pulled me to him.

He kissed me deeply, backing away into the room until his knees bent against the bed and he sat down, pulling away. I stood between his legs, his one hand against my stomach under my shirt and the other on the outside on my hip. He was looking up to me grinning and I couldn't help but do the same even while my stomach swam. It'd been years since I felt so nervous, and it wasn't the coming act that was causing it. The act I was well familiar with, what made my nerves burn in worry was that once this was done and over with that would be it. He'd hang around for a week or two, but he'd have gotten what he wanted.

I took a deep breath and placed my hands on his shoulders and shoved him back, straddling him and bent down so that we were nose to nose. "What would you do if I just left right now?"

"Cry in the corner like a little girl, probably." He said, his breath hot against my face. "Would you make a grown man cry?"

"Maybe," I said and reached to his side and poked him. He gave a small laugh, shifting against my leg. "It depends, would you make a grown woman cry?"

"Never." The smile faded slightly. His hands were on my waist now, and I jerked as a finger prodded my side.

"Ow, stop it."

"Then don't start it," He said, waggling his eyebrows.

"You really don't want to go down this road, Castle. I can take you."

"Please do, oh please take me." I poked his ribs again, causing him to yell 'ow' and laugh at the same time.

I bent down, keeping my lips just out of full reach. He brushed against them, each touch a shock to my nerves, and each time he moved his head closer I moved back, teasing.

"You're mean," he said against my lips.

"I know."

"Then stop."

"You stop."

"I'm not doing anything just yet, want that to change?"

"Anytime, Castle."

I felt his hand touch my neck, keeping me from moving back and I figured he was going to hold me there so he could get to my lips. He didn't, instead he went to my neck, kissing a trail down to my collar bone and then back up to just below my ear, nibbling and gently sucking as he went. My body shivered at the touch and there wasn't much I could do to hide it. Damn him.

I reached down to his shirt and began to unbutton it the best I could with my fingers shaking. He was at the side of my neck, just above the shoulder, sucking at a place that caused a small gasp to come from me. I felt him smile against my skin.

He sat up, slid from his shirt and went back to kissing my mouth, my hands digging into his back at places, pulling him to me, and yet he pulled away. He was working at my shirt, undoing the buttons, and doing it quickly. I pulled it off, still kissing him and we fell back to the bed.

"Black, nice." He said when we parted for a moment. "Thought you'd be more into pink for some reason."

"Black is much more sexy," I said between kisses, undoing my bra and glad to be free of it. I tossed it off the side of the bed, but made note of where it landed. Rick's hands instantly went to my chest and then down my stomach before going back as mine went to his. My stomach was jumping at each touch he made on my bare skin, and I could feel goosebumps crossing his arms as I took hold of them and pulled them away. He looked at me, questioning and I just smirked as I rolled off him and began to pull my pants and panties off. He seemed to catch the hint and took off his own jeans.

Nude on a bed; nude with Castle. A few weeks ago I'd have never seen this coming and would have broken the bones of anyone who suggested it. Even laying beside him, watching as he struggled with getting his right shoe off along with his pants, I couldn't believe it. Was I really going through with this? It would change everything, wouldn't it? Right now we were just playing at it, having fun with each other, spending time with each other… like we did before. This would make it real, this would make it more than fooling around, wouldn't it?

Then there was the whole, 'he'll leave me' thought that broke into my head again while I was stripping out of my clothes. Why was I thinking about this now? This could be amazing, and if he left then he left, I didn't need him. Yet, I'd miss him if he did. I might even kill him for taking advantage of me, but he had been around for two years. Could it just be the chase he was interested in?

Only one way to find out, I thought and took a look over. He was just able to get his boxers off after kicking his shoes to the wall. I smiled at his body, deciding that it didn't matter. Whatever happened, it'd work out in the end.

I rolled over so that I was on top, a part of him obviously very happy at this event and it pressed against my lower abdomen. I looked into his face, trying to see what exactly he was thinking, but I couldn't quite tell other than he seemed happy. We kissed for a while longer, his hand roaming lower and there it stayed his fingers rubbing and sliding inside, once or twice making me groan into his lips. His other hand stayed with my breasts, playing with them gently.

I pulled away and moved his hand from where it was and smiled down at him. There was no backing out now.

"What?" he finally asked, his eyes dancing with mine. I shrugged, reaching down and taking a hold of him, watching the surprise cross his face.

"Nothing," I said, "you do have protection somewhere, don't you?"

He nodded. "First drawer in the left nightstand."

I reached over, following his directions and found a small box sitting in the back of the drawer that was mostly full which sort of surprised me. I pulled one of the tiny square packages out and after a moment had it on him, my hand lingering there.

"I could be really mean here," I said, letting my fingers brush gently against him and giving a small squeeze. His eyes widen.

"Don't you dare, you've teased me enough over the years."

"I dunno, you've been annoying me all that time. I think I deserve to see you suffer, don't you?"

"Great," He said, placing a hand over his eyes for a moment and then running it through his hair, looking to the ceiling. "Just great, I'm in love with an evil woman."

It was the word love that I found somewhat interesting at that moment. He had said it in a nonchalant way, like he was already use to saying it. The other part that grabbed me was that he said it in the first place. I gave a small laugh to keep him from seeing that it affected me.

I removed my hand and straddled him again, sinking down slowly. It was slightly uncomfortable as it'd been a while since the last time I did this little dance, but it quickly disappeared, being replaced by a pleasure that coaxed a groan from my throat as I came to the end. I took a deep breath and waited for a moment, getting accustomed to him.

I looked down with a smile to see Rick's face was contorted, his eyes bore holes through me as I rose and fell against him.

"God," he whispered and I grinned, bending at the waist and began to kiss him, tasting his lips as I continued to try to keep the rhythm going. His tongue snaked out and danced with mine while I felt his hands grip my hips, apparently trying to slow me down. I pulled away and whispered into his ear in between gasps.

"Don't tell me you're so close so soon. I'll be disappointed."

"I wouldn't be if you would slow down a bit."

"Can't keep up?"

I heard his teeth click and then felt his lips at my neck and he pulled me up just enough that I had to slow down and he had full access to my neck and breasts. His kisses made a trail down to my chest and it was there his tongue darted out and I shivered. Oh, that wasn't fair. I wanted to stop him as much as I didn't want him to. My right hand found it's way into his hair where I took handfuls, a familiar feeling building in my abdomen and a bit lower.

He rolled me over so that he was on top and I wrapped my legs around his thighs as he took over. He was gentle, taking his time and made sure that I was getting as much out of it as he was. His hands made a trail down south, drawing circles with his fingers as his lips continued to move between my neck, my lips and everywhere else. I could feel the flood beginning and my breathing followed the closer it got.

When he sped up slightly I felt the dam break, pleasure rushed over every nerve in my body, my legs shook, my stomach danced and muscles moved on their own while my fingers dug into the sheets. I came and came hard, but it wasn't just once, and it wasn't quick, somehow it was drawn out and I was left sweating and shivering, my breath coming in gasps. A few 'oh Gods!' came from me but it was in a different voice than my own, at least it sounded that way. I opened my eyes when I realized I had closed them and he smiled down at me as he slowed and I couldn't help but smile up at that face of his. He had certainly had a lot of practice, but then, so did I. I reached up and touched his face and without much warning we rolled again so that I was on top. He had made me go over the edge and it was my turn to return the favor.

"Damn, Kate." He grunted out as I got back into the rhythm I had when we first started. I was still having after shocks from before which just made it even better. Each move down sent another little burst through my nerves and I reveled in each one. I moved against him, up and down and back and forward, using everything I could to make him feel as good as he had me and he lasted much longer than I expected.

When he did finally go over I dropped down and kissed him. I could feel him pulsing inside and he groaned in my mouth, his skin shivered and felt slick from sweat but he still kissed back even as he groaned. He came down after a few moments, going soft inside but he still kissed me passionately, as if he was trying to show that this wasn't all he wanted from me.

I finally got off and lay down on the bed beside him, my stomach still jumping from time to time and I placed a hand below it and gently rubbed, letting it run its course while I looked over to Rick. His chest was heaving as was mine and his face was up toward the ceiling, his mouth slightly parted. I rested my hand over his chest and he placed one of his on top of it and looked over.

"You know how I said you were extraordinary?" He said and I nodded.

"Yeah…" I said slowly, was I not that good? That couldn't be the case with how he acted a moment ago.

"I need to find a much better word because it doesn't begin to describe you that well anymore." He said with grin and I kissed him, laughing.

"You're not half bad yourself, it's been a while since I felt that amazing." I said and felt my cheeks redden even as the words left my mouth. He smiled and turned over so that we were eye to eye.

"Then I did what I set out to do." We lied there for a moment just staring at each other and the room before finally the sweat that was running down my back and between my breasts became cold enough that I couldn't stand it.

"I need a shower…" I said, not wanting to move from his side, but needing to.

"I could join you." I laughed and shook my head.

"Maybe later." I sat up, headed for the bathroom and stopped at the door. "Do you have a shirt I could borrow?"

He nodded and rolled out of bed, his butt lit up by the moon outside as he stood at the chest of drawers. He was right, it was a nice ass. He pulled out the a maroon shirt and tossed it to me. I caught it, went and picked up my panties from the floor before heading for the shower.

I came back out to find him with his boxers back on. He got up and kissed me before heading into the bathroom, saying, "I hope you left me some hot water."

"Probably not." I said and went back to the bed. I placed my head on the pillow, my body tired and willing sleep. My sleep schedule was still messed up from the case and once I hit the pillow I was out.

At some point I felt him get in bed beside me, his hand going under my arm as I was lying on my side and then his arm snaked around and pulled me gently toward him so that my back was against his chest. I could feel his soft breathing in my hair and I placed a hand to his, intertwining out fingers together.

I woke up a few hours later to the sound of my cellphone going off somewhere in the room. I sighed, unwrapped myself from Rick's arms and swung my legs over the side of the bed, the sheet peeling away from me. I found my jeans against the wall and squinted as I began to pick through the pockets. I had forgotten that my phone had been in my back pocket when I tossed the jeans across the room.

I found it after the seventh ring. It didn't look broken but in the dark it was hard tell. I pushed up on the front and put it to my ear, hoping it wouldn't be another case.

"Beckett." I said and Esposito's voice came over.

"Hey, sorry but we caught a case." I swore softly and sat on the bed. "We weren't up for it, but I think someone hates us somewhere because we got called."

"What happened?" I asked and I heard Rick stir from his sleep. He moved up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"What is it?" he asked in a low tone that I barely heard and I turned frowning, mouthed 'murder' to him. He sighed and kissed my shoulder multiple times as Esposito gave me the address.

"All right, I'll be there in a little while."

"Sorry, Beckett." Esposito said and I hung up.

"Guess murder never sleeps."

"And neither do I," I said standing, my legs screaming at me from the toll of the night before. It was fully worth it though. I went over and got my jeans on and turned around to find Rick getting dress as well and I had to smile. He turned, probably feeling my eyes on him and shrugged.

"You should at least try to get some more sleep." I said, buttoning my jeans.

He shook his head. "We're partners, and I'm coming along."

For the first time between us the word partners meant a little more than just co-workers

* * *

><p>Well, this is where we part ways, my friends. I hope you really enjoyed this story because I enjoyed writing it. I know there aren't many first person stories for Castle, which is why I tried my hand. It was a learning experience to say the least. I might continue this storyline at a later date in another story, but I haven't decided.<p>

Also, it's the first sex scene I've written (and to make it even harder on me, it's from Kate's POV. Well, if it was easy there wouldn't be any fun in it :D ) I had some input from a few girl's that are friends and of course ChrisS kicked major ass through out this story and gave me great input from the beginning until the end. Thanks so much Chris, you rock.

So, it goes without saying, any mistakes are on me and my own stupidity.

So what's next? I don't know. I've started a new story, but I'm holding off on continuing it for now. I want to see how the show plays out. It may be a little bit before you hear from my again, but don't fret, I'll back back soon enough.

Thanks for reading and take care,

-Xonze


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